The Narcissist Cannot Love You

Narcissists have an inability to love anyone or anything. But they have to show you something, to keep you engaged and involved. They have their own idea of what love is. Which they use to satisfy your feelings. To keep you calm. And to prevent further disagreement, by letting you have what you want. By making you believe that there is an emotional connection. Because they know how to imitate love. They copy what they've seen other people do. Or what they've seen in movies. So they know how to create the illusion of love. And they know how to make you feel like it's real. They say and do things to make you believe that it's love. They pretend to be something they're not. And they knew that you would be susceptible to it. They picked you for a reason. They're not going to pick someone who is cold-hearted. Or someone who does not show serious or careful thought or real understanding. Because that type of person is not going to respond to their tactics.

So it's not going to work. They selected you for a reason. Because they knew that you would be open and responsive to their tactics. They knew that you would be able to receive their fake love. And that you would be unable to determine whether or not it is real. But after some time, you do start to realise it's not real. Because you don't feel good. But why did you even give them a chance in the beginning? Why did you want to be with them? What made you put in the effort? You gave them a chance because they created this feeling in you. They used future faking. They used a detailed vision of the future to faciliate bonding and connection. They manipulated you. They hooked you in by making the kinds of future promises you wanted to hear. And they did that, so that they could get what they wanted in the present moment. Which was your attention and validation. Because that's all they really wanted from you. They weren't concerned about a relationship or anything long-term. Which is why it's only in the beginning that they are willing to make sacrifices. Where they gave their time, energy and effort to you. Because they have to do that to get a return. To get you to invest your time and attention into them. Which is why they're so into you in the beginning. They're interested in romantic love. And they want to establish a relationship with you. They're all about you. They're messaging you all the time. They're with you everyday. But they're only doing that to get you hooked. To get you attracted to them. Until you begin to mistake it for love. And then they encourage you to develop these feelings for them. By telling you that they love you. And they're only interested in something long-term. They want to marry you. Until you feel like you have found the one. But their idea of love is very different to our idea of love. Because their love is dependent on conditions and requirements. They put terms, restrictions and rules on the giving of their love. They don't love freely or unconditionally. They create the illusion of love by pretending to cooperate with you. But it's only if you're doing what they want. So it's controlled behaviour. It's not really love. Because love is the opposite of control. But they have to control you because they're very insecure and they have low self-esteem. So they will pretend to cooperate with you. They're not going to lose their control. But they will act in a way that is attractive and interesting to you. It will only be for a short period of time. But as long as you're doing what they want, they will show you their version of love. Where they're not constantly provoking you to dislike them. But if you're not doing what they want or if you're complaining, then they will begin to hate you. Because they expect you to submit to their harsh treatment without resisting. And if you do that, you may get a better version of them. But they're still going to be who they are. Because they want to keep you under control. But they will continue to behave in this way. As long as you're giving them the attention and validation that they're looking for. But the moment it stops, they will become a completely different person.

They will make you dislike them. And it will shock and confuse you. Because maybe the day before they told you they loved you. They were doing all of these sweet things for you. But then they suddenly changed. But it's because you were acting differently towards them. You stopped validating their illusion of love. Because you started to realise what you were dealing with. You wanted more from them. Because you realised that it was an unequal exchange. So you tried to balance it out. You tried to make it more equal and fair. But when you did that, they took a step back. Because they didn't want to put in the work. They just wanted what they wanted. And they expected you to do what they wanted you to do. And that is when you saw the real side of them. You saw that they're not so kind or caring. They're very different from the image that they gave to you in the beginning. It appeared to be coming from their heart. But it was just an act, to get a certain type of behaviour out of you. And it worked. It made you believe that it was love. So they did a good job. It was very effective. Because you thought it was real. But now you realise that you were the only one who was offering anything. And they were the only ones who were benefitting from it. Because they demanded loyalty and commitment from you, but they weren't willing to give that to you. It was one-sided. It was all their way or no way. Because they would only cooperate with you, if you didn't expect anything from them. They wanted you to have low expectations. So you're not holding them accountable for what they do. Because that's their version of love. Where there's no difficulty or inconvenience. Where there's no arguments. But it's going to happen, because anyone in a sane state of mind. Who is able to think and behave normally and reasonably. Would realise that it doesn't make any sense. Because you're just being treated in a way that is apparently kind and helpful. But it betrays a feeling of superiority. As though they consider themselves to be better or more important than you are. As though they're just trying to keep you calm and quiet, by giving into your demands. To relieve a problem. To prevent disagreement, by letting you have something that you want. Or by telling you what you want to hear. So of course at some point you're going to realise you're being tricked. You're being cheated. You're being deceived. You begin to realise that it isn't love. They're being fake. They're playing you. And they're doing a really good job at it. Because they can turn it on whenever they want to. Whenever they feel like it. They're very good at that, because they have to be. They have to be good at it, to make people become more communicative and confiding. More present, available and accessible. They make you feel like you're in love. They make you feel like you've met your soulmate. And then they've got you. They've locked you in. But it's not real. Because it's based on conditions and requirements. But it seemed like it was real. Because they kept you at a distance.

They only gave you so much of their time. So that you wouldn't catch on. So that you wouldn't realise that they don't have any love to give to you. Because they can't love you or anyone else. They don't even have any love for themselves. They're very insecure and they have low self-esteem. And that is why they do it. Because they need your attention to feel like they're worth something. So you're doing things for them to keep this fake act going. Of them pretending to love and care for you. So that you can feel good of having them and being with them. Because if you do more of what they like, they will give you better treatment. They will give you more of what you want to see. Until it brainwashes you to think that you just need to do what they want. Because then everything will be fine. There won't be any arguments. It's meant to make you think that if you just do what they want, then you will get more from them. Then you will get that feeling of love.