This SHOCKS The Narcissist When They Come Back

When the narcissist comes back, they may appear very confused as though they've been caught off guard. They may be unprepared for a surprise or difficulty and might be the ones walking on eggshells around you. They may be extremely cautious about their words and actions, being very careful not to offend or upset you. Initially, it may not make any sense to you; you may not understand why they're acting so differently.

It's like they're just waiting for something to happen. They're on their best behavior, being very polite and exhibiting proper manners as though they're trying to please you. At the time, you may not realize why they've changed. You may not understand why they're acting so differently, but the reason is that since they've been gone, you have changed. You have grown, become better and stronger. You're not the same person as you were before, and they see it. They recognize it and know that you have made positive changes and improvements in your life.

They try to mirror the person you've become, acting as though they're about the same things and on the same page. You may assume that they've also made some progress while they were away from you, perhaps taking time to self-reflect and recognize their wrongdoings. This is exactly what they want you to think because it's the only way they can get back in with you after you've elevated to become the person you are today. But it's all a game because narcissists do not change or grow; they stay the same. They just have these false epiphanies and give fake apologies to manipulate you and rekindle the relationship so they can get what they want from you.

When they come back, it does shock them. It really catches them off guard because they don't believe that you can heal or become stronger. They expect you to stay the same way for the rest of your life. So when they come back and see that you have made improvements, it really catches them off guard and makes them very envious and jealous because they can't do that. They've had past successes of breaking down their targets, people who maybe couldn't get back on their feet, people who gave up. So they expected the same thing to happen to you. They really had no idea; they could never even imagine that you would elevate to become the person that you are. They never saw it coming. It was an unexpected situation, a turn of events that was not foreseen because they're not looking at the bigger picture. They're more focused on what's happening right now or what's taken place in the past because that's how they get their supply.

This is why it's often very easy to catch a narcissist off guard in the beginning; they won't even see it coming. But it may be a bit more difficult to do it the next time once they're onto it because then they're going to be watching you even more. You won't even be able to have a few minutes by yourself just in case they miss something or feel like you're gaining the upper hand. Although they may come back and act like they're happy for you and proud of your success, it's all a front. It's a deceptive outward appearance. They're not happy for you because it's you and not them. They're very envious of your success. So they're not coming back to support you or to create something of value with you; they're just coming back to use and destroy whatever you've managed to achieve since they were gone.

This is why, once you've spent more time around them, they will start to discredit you. They will pretend like it's an act, as though you're not who you say you are, as though you're getting one over on people. When in actuality, that's not what they really think. They're deceiving you. They already know that you have grown and made the necessary changes. They see it. That's why they came back because they see that there's something in it for them, something that they can benefit from. And that's all they're really thinking when they do come back; they're just thinking about what they can get. As a result of their envy, they will also decide to destroy everything that you've achieved.

Again, they're not going to respect it. They're not going to leave you be. Their envy will not allow them to do that. It overrides any empathy or compassion that they may otherwise have. When they see you moving on, happy, and doing better without them, it triggers them. It makes them want to come back just so they can use and destroy you all over again because they just can't stand the thought of you being out in the world somewhere, doing something, making things happen, reaching your goals and dreams. They could never achieve what they wanted, and it was always someone else's fault. They never took accountability. So now they just go around blaming other people for where they find themselves in life. Whenever they see someone who has their life together, they have to tear it apart. They have to be the cause of the misery and suffering because that's the only way they can feel comfortable. They already know they're not going to achieve anything on their own. They already accept that they're not good enough. That's why they targeted you in the first place.

If they were really confident and actually believed in themselves, they wouldn't need you. You never would have met them. You never would have known that they even existed. The only reason you got involved with them in the first place is because they needed something from you. And it's no different when they try to come back; they just need something from you again. This is why the best thing you can do is to avoid them because the abuse is typically a lot worse the second time around.

Especially when you've grown and achieved a lot more than before, the more successful you are, the harder they're going to be on you. The more difficult and unfair they're going to be because it just reflects back how life is so unfair to them. They have this "woe is me" mentality, always expressing how unhappy they are, which should already reveal to you that they're not going to be happy for your success. They're only going to come back to destroy it, to leave you in the lurch all over again. This is why it is very important that you do not let them back in. If you thought it was bad the first time, the second time is going to be a lot worse.

If you look back, you will see that the more time you spent around them, the more abusive they became. They become comfortable with the abuse; it becomes normalized. It's just standard treatment, nothing unusual to them because they have a void that can never be filled. They're never satisfied, so they always have to up their game. It has to get worse over time; it will never get better. The longer they spend around you, the more outlandish things they will do, things far outside the boundaries of expected or normal behavior, things you never would have tolerated before. It's like the frog in boiling water syndrome. Initially, you may not have realized what you were dealing with, and although their behavior seems to have escalated over time, they always had these thoughts and emotions in their head. They were always this way, but they like to test the waters first. They prefer to judge your feelings and opinions before taking further action so that it improves their chances for success.

When they're finally ready to take you down for everything you saw wrong with them and for everything you showed them that they are not, they really want to do a number on you. They really want to hurt and embarrass you in the worst possible way because they look at it like they underestimated you. It should have been all over for you the first time, but you recovered. Now they feel completely weak and pathetic, so they really want to show you who is in charge. They want to demonstrate that they are dominant and superior over you, that they are the best, most powerful, and that you should recognize their authority. If you are foolish enough to take them back, they're just going to finish you off once and for all. They're going to leave you on your last legs, and if you still manage to make it out of that, they're going to leave you begging them to come back and rescue you. When you're involved with a narcissist, that's all that's going to happen. That's all they're going to do to you. They want to leave you in a condition where you're no good for anyone else, which they thought they had achieved the first time. They thought you were done; they thought you were finished. But then you got back up. You returned to an activity or condition; you got better and stronger, which made them feel powerless and insignificant as though their efforts were wasted. This is why when they come back, they want to make sure that you're finished for good, that there is no sequel, no subsequent event, no following in order or uninterrupted sequence. They want to be the person who puts a stop to it, the one who brings it to a halt and causes it to end, the one who is the cause of your demise so that they can stand back and observe their work, the effects of how powerful and important they deem themselves to be. Because that's all it really is. They don't even care about you; they never really knew who you actually are. You're just a means to an end, something they use and destroy so that they can feel better about themselves.

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