Whether you leave the narcissist, or they discard you. They will always do this in the end. There are many reasons why people break up. There are many reasons why relationships end. But normally, people are able to accept their faults and mistakes. They're able to accept their wrongdoing. They're willing to hold themselves accountable for their actions. But it doesn't work that way with the narcissist. Because when the relationship ends, they are never wrong. They are never the cause of it. Instead, they will hold you accountable. They will shift the blame on to you. They will blame you for everything that went wrong. And even if they are forced to accept some of the things they did. They will always find a way to justify it. They will say that it was because of something that you did. As though you are responsible for their actions and choices. It's the same thing every time. And it doesn't matter if they discarded you or if you left them. They will always blame you.
Everything will always be your fault. They will say that you were the cause of it. And that is why they had to leave you. Or if you left them, it's because your selfish. You only care about yourself. It's the same story every time. It never changes. They play the role of this damsel in distress. This helpless victim. Who was just trying to help you. Who was just trying to do the right thing. Narcissists have a black and white mentality. So when the relationship ends, someone must be right and someone must be wrong. Someone must be good and someone must be bad. And for them to be right and good, you have to be bad and wrong. Even if you're not. Because it can't be them. So they will go out of their way to tarnish your reputation. To make you look like the bad person. They will create a false narrative. They will make up lies and stories. So that no one will ever think it's them. They are always the victim in every relationship. Someone is always doing something to them. And they're always completely innocent. And they haven't done anything wrong. Because they have to appear innocent of wrongdoing. They have to appear as though they got caught up in something without their knowledge or will. So it is never their fault. They will convince other people that they did everything they could for you. So you are always the one to blame. You are always the one who doesn't value loyalty and commitment. You are always the one who is crazy and selfish. It's never them. They are never to blame. They are always innocent. Narcissists use a false character to lure you into a relationship. And they also use a false character to get out of it. They come in acting like they're in your corner. They're on your side. But then they leave as the victim. Because in their minds, it's either you or them. They either choose you. Or they choose their false character. And no narcissist is ever going to choose their victim over their false self. If they did that, they wouldn't be a narcissist. So this is why they never change. Because they avoid accountability. They refuse to feel and show empathy for their victims. Instead, they blame the very person that they have abused. The very person whose life they have destroyed. Instead of looking in the mirror and accepting who they are.
The narcissist will always blame you in the end. But you can take your power back by going no contact. By walking away from the person who hurt you. The person who tried to break you down. And when you do that, things will begin to change. Things will begin to get better for you. Because the narcissist is no longer there to hold you down. Now you are free to grow and evolve. You are free to become the best version of yourself. And that is when you will realise something that they never wanted you to know. You will realise that you do have power. You do have strength. You will realise that you were not the cause of the issue. You will realise that they were the problem. They were holding you back from becoming the greatest version of yourself. Because without them being a continuous influence in your life, things will steadily improve. Things will get better for you. And then it will become evident that you never needed them. You just needed yourself. You just needed to have control over your own life. So that you could then direct it to something more positive. Instead of being stuck in the pit that they had created for you.
Narcissists are too far gone,to see or reflect on the damage and destruction they alone have caused in so many innocent people's lives and children were not asked to be born in these toxic situations just to be neglected. Because narcissists failed to heal and couldn't face their trauma's from their childhood or even heal from their past relationships and connections.
My two siblings blame me for EVERYTHING! I am the family scapegoat. If it were to rain on a day that they wanted to wash their cars, they'd blame me, for THAT, too.
My psychiatrist said that from what I've told him, "They are angry with you for standing up for yourself."
I blamed myself A LOT at first, for the fractured relationship, because I'm on the autism spectrum and don't know how to communicate as well as neurotypical people. But now I know it is THEM.
Delete all narcissists and other toxic people from your life for your own mental health!
Thank you, Narc Survivor for your informative website and videos!
This site rocks!