Towards the end of your relationship with the narcissist. They likely began to triangulate you with their new source of supply. There was an argument or disagreement between you, but instead of trying to work it out with you. The narcissist chose to bring someone else into the situation. Because of the argument or disagreement, you stopped fulfilling their needs. Whether it was giving them attention, validation, approval, and admiration. Giving them love, affection, money, material things, your time, and energy. The narcissist was devaluing and degrading you. They were abusing and manipulating you. So you stopped fulfilling their needs. Instead of trying to resolve the argument or disagreement, the narcissist chose to find someone else to fulfill their needs. You have to understand that narcissists are emotionally immature, shame-based people, doing anything they can to avoid shame. Doing anything they can to avoid taking responsibility or accountability for their actions or behaviours.
The narcissist learned this behaviour as a child. If they did something wrong and their parent wasn't happy with them, rather than accepting the blame and trying to learn from their
mistakes, the narcissist would spend time with their other parent instead. This would leave the parent who blamed them alone, to feel guilty and possibly blame themselves for the child's actions or behaviours. You may notice that even though the narcissist is older now, they are still doing the same thing, they have just learned to adapt this behaviour to adulthood. Now when you try to blame them for something they have done wrong, rather than accepting responsibility or accountability for their actions, they will leave you and find someone else to fulfill their needs. Just as they would leave the parent that was blaming them for their actions and then spend time with their other parent. Narcissists are shame-based people, but they don't want to self reflect on this emotion, so they will do anything they can to avoid feeling the shame. The narcissist refused to take responsibility or accountability for their actions or behaviours. This may give you cognitive dissonance, two conflicting beliefs. You may be wondering who was right and who was wrong. You may find yourself alone blaming yourself for the narcissist's actions or behaviours. If the narcissist knew that they didn't do anything wrong, they wouldn't have left. They would've tried to resolve the disagreement or argument with you. But they didn't. They chose to leave you because they are emotionally immature, self-absorbed, and lack empathy. They cannot deal with serious issues. They are just there to use you as an object and extract whatever it is at that moment. At first, they gave you plenty of time and attention, made you feel loved and appreciated... but this was only to secure you as a source
Over time they began to neglect you and because of this, you stopped performing at the standard they would normally expect. This is when the narcissist gets pulled out of their fantasy world and into reality, realizing that other people have needs too and it's not all about them. Of course, narcissists don't want to deal with reality. They want to live in their fantasy world where they think everything revolves around them and as long as their cup is full, you should just keep your mouth closed and be happy for them. They are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They do not care about you, they only care about themselves and what they can take from you. So it's nothing for them to leave you for someone else who doesn't know what they are really about. And at the beginning of their relationship with the new source of supply, it may seem as though they are treating them better than they ever treated you. They may be doing things that they never did with you. They will plant themselves in certain places where they know you are going to be, just so you can see them together. They will upload pictures on social media for you to see. Don't take any of this seriously. It's an act, specifically designed and orchestrated for your viewing pleasure or pain. It is planned and they have specifically coordinated the elements of this situation, to produce the desired effect. To produce the desired reaction from you. They may also orchestrate it in a certain way, where it doesn't look like it was specifically coordinated to produce the desired effect
or reaction from you. But it is, you have to trust me on this.
They know exactly what they are doing, they know exactly what kind of reaction they are going to get from you. They don't even need to see your reaction to them or their pictures to know that you are hurt or in pain. And this gives them a narcissistic supply. Narcissists are sadistic, they feed off your pain. But if you remember that this has all been specifically coordinated to produce the desired reaction from you, you don't need to take it
seriously anymore. When you see them together in person, or you see a picture of them on social media, it's an illusion, they are not really happy. If you could see what happened several minutes before or after that moment, you wouldn't be in pain, you would be laughing at them at how ridiculous they look. And they know this, which is why they had to specifically coordinate and orchestrate this situation so that they could get the desired reaction from you. Before you saw them in person or before they took those pictures, they were probably doing something completely different. Probably miserable, doing nothing. It was designed to affect you, to get a reaction from you. They don't even have to see your reaction, because they already know how it's going to make you feel. And then they just sit back and wait for you to contact them to confirm that they did get to you.
Narcissists cannot experience real, genuine happiness. They have to use other people to even get close to that emotion. They have to hurt people so they can feed off their pain, just to get a little high. But it never sustains them. What you are seeing is the love-bombing phase. You experienced this with the narcissist. And as time goes by, with each relationship, the love-bombing phase usually gets shorter and shorter, as the narcissist learns to
perfect their art of manipulation. Once the narcissist knows that the new source is interested in them and they have secured them as a source of supply, that initial excitement of finding this new person, will disappear. Narcissists get bored quickly and the grass is always greener on the other side to them. Once the new source triggers the narcissist to reflect on their insecurities, vulnerabilities, or weaknesses, the narcissist will then have to project this onto the new source. The narcissist will begin to scan the new source for any faults, mistakes, flaws, or imperfections. And of course, we all have them, so inevitably it will move from the love bombing to the devaluation phase. They may not abuse or manipulate the new source in the same way that they did with you, but that doesn’t mean they are not abusing or
manipulating them in some way. They will always be abusing or manipulating someone, as they are deeply insecure and have an inferiority complex. They have to project their insecurities onto someone else to avoid feeling shame. You may not see them abusing or manipulating the new source in the same way as they did with you. This is because different people have different vulnerabilities, weaknesses, or insecurities. So they will tailor-make their abuse and manipulation to that specific person. They will adapt to the new source and whatever their specific vulnerabilities, weaknesses or insecurities are.
In the love-bombing phase, the new source is seen as being perfect. That is until the narcissist recognizes a fault, mistake, flaw, or imperfection. Or the new source's qualities, talents, or positive traits will trigger the narcissist to reflect on their own vulnerabilities,
weaknesses or insecurities. They have to punish them for triggering them to reflect on their own vulnerabilities, weaknesses, or insecurities. That’s what motivates and drives them to do what they do. They could not do it without motivation. And their motivation comes from their vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and insecurities which your presence has triggered them to reflect on.
This is the devaluation phase. At this point, they will want the new source to feel as though they are not good enough or they are not loveable. The reason for this is because the narcissist was told that they are not good enough, or they are not loveable as a child. They were abused or neglected. Instead of self-reflecting on their traumatic experiences, they choose to project those emotions, those unresolved traumatic experiences
on to you. This is why they will do everything they can to make their targets feel that they are not loveable. It’s a projection. Just as they tried to make you feel worthless and insignificant, projection again. They are so desperately and obsessively trying to provoke these emotions within you because it relieves their pain and misery. Hurting you appears to provide them with some relief, in some sick and twisted way. It makes them feel powerful. So this is why they will so desperately and obsessively go out of their way to do this to you. However they are trying to make you feel, that’s how they feel. They have learned this behaviour as a child. They could not be overtly angry at their parents, so they learned these covert tactics which are under the radar. Since then they have perfected this craft to deal with adults. They never learned how to be open, honest, and genuine or how to resolve an argument or disagreement. Instead, they use covert passive-aggressive tactics such as projection, blame-shifting, denial, gaslighting, and the double bind to deal with their intense negative emotions.
The narcissist is not happy with the new source of supply. And soon enough the new source will be discarded and the narcissist will be off idealizing some other unsuspecting victim. They are endlessly chasing something they will never find. Narcissists cannot experience real, genuine happiness. And the lower-level form of happiness they do experience is something they can never sustain anyway. But they will do anything and everything to make you believe that they are happy and really having a good time with the new source. But it's all fake. You wouldn't have to put on a show and make so much effort to prove that you are happy if you really are happy. When a person is truly happy they do not care about what anyone else thinks, because their happiness comes from within, rather than any external influences. You need to take your focus off the narcissist. They are endlessly chasing something they will never find. You need to see this as a blessing. This person was only going to hold you back from reaching your true potential. But now they are gone, you have the opportunity to heal and become your best self. The only person who can hold you back now is yourself. Avoid overanalyzing the situation or what you have experienced. Process the emotions, but do not dwell on them. You need to become your own best friend, rather than your worst enemy. Do not let your thoughts control you. Instead, you control your thoughts. You decide what meaning to give to this experience. It can be something that broke you down, or it can be something that made you greater than you ever thought you could be.