Updated: Nov 21, 2020
This could be a situation with a narcissistic parent, family member, relationship, friendship or anything else. Now I am going to explain to you how and why the narcissist does not want you to experience real life. The narcissist does not want you to experience real life. They do not want you to have real life experiences. In many situations the narcissist does not want you to work, they do not want you to make money. Because that will affect how much control they have over you.
You could also earn enough money to escape the box that they have put you in. If the narcissist does allow you to work, or if you just work regardless of what they think... That is all your life will revolve around. You wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep and then do the same thing all over again the next day. Nothing ever changes. No fun, no excitement. Because any small amount of satisfaction or fulfilment will only remind of you how life is supposed to be. The narcissist has managed to convince you that life is meant to be endured, rather than to be enjoyed. If you are not working, the narcissist will likely have you at home cleaning or looking after the children. You might only need to leave the home if there is an emergency. If you want to go to the store, the narcissist will step in and act as though they are doing you a favor.
Your nights are spent at home alone, while the narcissist is out with their friends. Or on the occasions when the narcissist is at home with you, it's never anything exciting. It's never anything that makes you feel alive. You probably have dinner, watch whatever the narcissist wants to watch on TV. And after that you go to bed, ready to do it all over again the next day. This is likely the exact opposite of how you want your life to be. You don't want to be stuck at home, doing nothing, all day everyday. It doesn't excite you, it doesn't fulfill you. It's not how you want your life to be. But the narcissist seems perfectly fine with that. And if you try to change the program which they have created for you... If you try to get out of the box which they have placed you in... You already know how they are going to react. At best, it will result in another argument filled with denial, projection, blame-shifting and gaslighting. At worst, the narcissist may even physically assault you.
The narcissist does not want you to have a life of your own. They do not want you to have friends, they do not want you to have a social circle. If the narcissist is your parent, they do not want you to have relationships. They do not want you to work, they want you to be dependent on them forever. It makes it easier for them to control you. And they will control every aspect of your life. It feels like you are trapped, like your life doesn't even belong to you. Like God made a mistake, when he gifted you with your body, your consciousness.
But God didn't make a mistake. Look in the mirror. That is you. That is your body, it belongs to you. It does not belong to anyone else. And no one has the right to control your mind or awareness. That also belongs to you. Which means that you have free will. You have the free will to make whatever choice or decision you like. Do not let the narcissist gaslight you into believing that they know what is best for you. Nothing they do is ever in your best interest. They are self-absorbed and lack empathy, all they care about is themselves.
When the narcissist was younger, they were likely experiencing a very similar situation to what you are experiencing right now. Although in many situations, there may have been no one controlling them. Maybe they just had perceived limitations or limiting beliefs. They did not have the qualities, abilities or talents which they wish they had back then. They didn't have the friends or social circle which they wanted. Or relationships, jobs, material items, money. They were not satisfied or fulfilled with the life that they were living. They were not happy.
The narcissist is fully aware of your potential. They are aware of your qualities, abilities and talents. They are aware that if they did not control you, you would likely find the friends and social circle which they never had. The relationships which they never had. The jobs, material items or money which they never had. The narcissist really wanted those things. But due to their perceived limitations, limited beliefs or other circumstances, none of that ever actualized. In some cases it can actualize to some extent, but this is much later in life and after they have already experienced some form of stress, anxiety or depression. In these cases it was too little too late. And this is why it may appear at this point as though nothing can satisfy or fulfill them. Because of their struggles or hardships, they felt compelled to limit or restrict you in some way. The reason for this is because if they allowed you to be free and go about the world, doing whatever you want, achieving and obtaining to your heart's content... This would only trigger them to reflect on all of their past struggles or hardships. It would also trigger them to reflect on their current situation.
Narcissists are always comparing and competing. There always have to be some game or competition. It's a game that never ends because it's a game that they can never win. They can never win because it doesn't matter what they have or what they do, nothing can ever satisfy or fulfill them. So they will always be comparing themselves to you, they will always be competing with you. If they really believed that this was the case, there would be no competition. The reason why the game never ends is because they can never win. So the narcissist will limit and restrict you in every aspect of your life.
They will do whatever they can to prevent you from developing whatever it is that they lacked earlier in their lives. If you want to know what it is that they were not satisfied or fulfilled with in their lives, pay attention to what they are trying to prevent in your life. They want to keep you at home, they want to keep you to themselves.
You are an object or an extension of them. In their minds you are not supposed to have desires, wants or needs of your own. You are basically an inanimate object which serves them as needed. You are their source of narcissistic supply. You are there to give them attention, validation, approval and admiration. You are there for them to extract your energy or qualities whenever they want. You are there to give them a sense of power and control. You are not meant to have your own desires, wants, or needs. Objects do not have desires, wants or needs. They are designed to serve whoever is using them. And that's exactly how the narcissist sees you. So they do not want you to develop social circles or have relationships. It also triggers them to reflect on where they failed to develop a social circle or have a relationship. In the narcissist's mind, when you do that it's like you are hurting them. They are pathologically envious and jealous.
It's the same thing with jobs. If you have a good job, it will trigger the narcissist to reflect on their past where maybe they didn't have a good job. Or maybe they are not satisfied with their current career. If they are not satisfied or fulfilled with something, you shouldn't be either. The problem is, narcissists are not satisfied or fulfilled with anything in their lives. No matter what they have or how much they have, it does not matter. That's why nothing is ever enough for them. So the narcissist does not want you to have social circles, relationships, jobs or money of your own. All of this will trigger them to reflect on some unresolved trauma from their past or their current situation which does not satisfy them. Because of this, the narcissist does not have your best interest in mind. They want the worst for you, it makes them feel more comfortable. Narcissists want you to give up everything, to be their nothing. Of course, the fact that they see you as an object or as an extension of them does not change the fact that you do have your own desires, wants and needs. You do want to have your own social circles, relationships, jobs or money of your own. And the narcissist will find a way to demonize this or demonize you. They will make it seem like it is a bad thing or something is wrong with that. They might even use it to hurt you. The narcissist will probably go out and develop their own social circles, relationships, jobs or money. With the sole purpose of trying to make you envious or jealous. This is their bizarre way of dealing with their pathological envy and jealousy. Instead of self-reflecting, looking within themselves and confronting those emotions. They choose to project them on to you instead. Which of course, never resolves the root cause of this, their trauma. And so nothing ever changes.
If the narcissist catches you doing something as natural as having a simple human interaction with someone. That is enough to make them feel overwhelming hatred, anger, envy and jealousy towards you. And you know what I'm talking about don't you. You feel their eyes on you as you are talking to someone, as though you are doing something wrong. You can see their facial expressions as though they do not approve of what you are doing. They will have their eyes locked on you, watching your every move, listening to every word you are saying. You can feel the intense and overwhelming negative energy, out of nowhere. Just because you decided to have a simple interaction with another human being. This is how controlling narcissists are. So over time, you start changing yourself to make the narcissist feel more comfortable. You stop making eye contact with people. You stop talking. You stop trying to make friends or relationships. At this point you don't want to talk to anyone ever again. Because you felt like something you were doing was wrong. You felt guilty and shameful as though you had committed a sinful act. You just want to lock yourself in a room and never leave your home again. And this is exactly what the narcissist wants. That's what their covert passive aggression and manipulative tactics were designed to do. They were designed to train you in a way that you would feel bad for talking to anyone. And with the daily putdowns you had to deal with from the narcissist, you began to think that something was wrong with you.
You may have developed a separate personality or alter ego. This personality you designed to live outside of the home, away from the narcissist. This personality displayed your true qualities, who you really are. Maybe you are actually a confident, charismatic and extroverted person. Maybe you always have been. But the narcissist trained you to stop socializing with other people. They trained you to be shy, introverted and insecure. But that's not who you are, that's who they wanted you to be. It made it easier for them to control you.
So if you do create a separate personality for outside of the home, away from the narcissist. A personality which possessed all of your true, authentic qualities and traits. You did the right thing. You may have tried sneaking out when the narcissist was asleep or not at home. Maybe you wanted a taste of how life is supposed to be when you are being your true, authentic self. Life was so much more exciting when you were away from the narcissist. You may have found new friends. You may have had relationships. All without the narcissist knowing. And although there was a child-like thrill to that of trying not to be caught out. Deep down, you didn't want to hide this side of you. You wanted this to be you, by default.
But of course, with the narcissist around, this was not possible. So you were sneaking around having secret friends and relationships. You had a good time and started to see how life could be if the narcissist was not in your life. But at some point, the narcissist started to catch on. They started to realize that you have a life outside the home. They realized that you were developing a social circle, you were having relationships. The narcissist may have tried to sabotage this in some way. Maybe they contacted them directly. If this was difficult for them to do, they would have devalued your social circle or relationship partner to you. If they cannot control your environment, they will control you. They will control how your perceptions and beliefs. Not because they weren't good for you, maybe they were exactly what you needed at that time. But they were also a threat to the narcissist's supply. They were a threat to narcissist's control over the situation. But it was great while it lasted. You finally got to develop your personality. You learned so much about yourself and started to see who you really are.
While you were with the narcissist, you had no idea who you are. So naturally, you felt compelled to find people who could remind you of who you really are. If you are a child of a narcissistic parent... You will notice a clear timeline of years, where it is as though you completely missed out on your life. It is as though you never even existed during that time. So it is only natural that you are going to want to finish where you left off. Before the narcissist intervened and took control over your life. But the narcissist could not allow you to take their supply away from them.
The narcissist has to have control over the situation at all times, there are no exceptions. Remember they are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They do not care about what you desire, want and need. You are an object or an extension of them. They see you as an inanimate object with no purpose than to serve them. With the narcissist, you are not allowed to have your own thoughts or feelings. You are not allowed to have your own beliefs, values or principles. However they think, you think. However they feel, you feel. Whatever they believe, you believe. Whatever they value, you value. And the narcissist's obsessive control over the situation created the perfect environment for them to influence your every thought, feeling, belief and behavior.
But if you dare to threaten the narcissist's supply and develop social circles or have relationships... You are on your own. The narcissist will take no responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, beliefs or behaviors. It doesn't matter that the narcissist had an obsessive control over the environment and constantly dictated their dysfunctional thoughts, feelings, beliefs or behaviors to you. However they influenced you to think, feel, believe or behave. That's your problem now. So from all of this time you spent around the narcissist, naturally you would have adopted their distorted thinking. Naturally these dysfunctional thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to beliefs which lead to behaviors. And when you have these dysfunctional or distorted thoughts and feelings in your mind, with the adopted belief that is ok to act on them. Naturally this is going to lead to behaviors which are socially unacceptable, immoral or wrong.
You begin to act out, you begin to rebel. You want to escape from the box which the narcissist has placed you in. At this point, there could be nothing you won't do to get out of that box. And you may feel guilty or ashamed, but it is perfectly natural to feel this way. Humans were not designed to be locked in a box. We were not designed to deny our thoughts, feelings or beliefs. We were not designed to deny our desires, wants and needs. It's like trying to hold a ball underwater. You can try, you can force that ball to stay under the water as much as you want... But as some point it's going to jump back up and hit you in the face. And that's what happened, isn't it? You were denied your God-given right to be you. You were limited and restricted in some way. You were not allowed to go to certain places, or see certain people. And that is not natural at all. So at some point, you may have acted out in some way. You may have done something you were not proud of. Maybe you told some lies, maybe you even cheated on the narcissist with a much younger man or woman. Maybe you assaulted them. In some cases, victims have even ended up killing the narcissist. And without fully understanding the situation. Without fully knowing what pushed them to that point. People began to make assumptions about you, they began to think about you in a certain way. It made it easy for the narcissist to create a smear campaign and enforce flying monkeys. Now you look like the bad person. But of course, we know you are not a bad person. We know the truth. I speak for all of my subscribers when I say this as I know they know exactly what I'm talking about. When these people arrange the perfect circumstances, as though they have studied your psychology in a way where they know exactly what you have to do, in an attempt to free yourself from the situation. So in an attempt to get out of the box which the narcissist had placed you in. You did something bad, you didn't something you would not normally do. And to be honest, I don't think that makes you a bad person. You did something bad, but when you think about it, that wasn't even you. You had adopted the narcissist's dictations of thought, feeling, belief and behaviour, to the point where there was barely anything left of you. You were whatever they wanted you to be. It's almost like they took control of your mind, jumped in your body and did it themselves, right? But despite the endless dictations from the narcissist, the flying monkeys are not going to see it the same way. As far as they are concerned, you did something wrong, you are a bad person. You lied to them. You cheated on them with a younger man or younger woman. You assaulted them. And this creates the perfect situation for the narcissist to point the finger at you. Now you are perceived a this bad, dangerous person. When all you were trying to do is get out of the box. The narcissist has now set up the perfect situation where you may never leave the box again. Smear campaigns, flying monkeys... All designed to limit or restrict you in some way. They will prevent your ability to develop social circles, have relationships, jobs or money. They will limit your ability to go anywhere or see anyone. And this was part of the narcissist's plan all along. To keep you in that box as a never-ending source of supply.
An inanimate object that has no purpose other than to serve them. Now the narcissist doesn't even need to get their hands dirty. They can just sit back and watch all of the flying monkeys do the hard work for them. Controlling you, preventing you from being your true self, preventing you from experiencing real life. And you may not know it, but this was actually the narcissist's plan all along. When the narcissist put in that box, do you really think they didn't know what was wrong? Do you really think the narcissist didn't know what you desired, wanted or needed from them? Of course they knew. They knew exactly what you wanted to do. You wanted to get out of that box, you wanted to live your life. The narcissist knew this all along. They know all too well that it isn't natural to restrict or limit you. They know it's wrong to keep you at home and prevent you from having your own life. The narcissist always knew, exactly what you needed from them. But they didn't care. They are self-absorbed and lack empathy. You are an inanimate object with no purpose other than to serve them. So yes, the narcissist knew all along what would happen. They knew the consequences of their actions. They knew that they could use the consequences to further control and manipulate you. They knew that they could use that to put you back in that box and prevent you from ever experiencing real life.
Due to the narcissist's obsessive and possessive nature. And their dependency on you as a source of supply. They really had no choice than to lock you in that box and throw away the key. But of course, the narcissist did not expect me to come along and bust open the box with my bare hands. Yes I am here for you. Even if the narcissist is against you. Even if all the flying monkeys want to destroy you. I don't give a damn if your entire community is against you and wants you dead. I am always here for you survivors. Because I know what it's like, I'm just like you... I've been there.
That's why I create these videos, because I care about people just like you. And I understand. So any time that you want to talk, just remember I am here for you. I will be by your side, whatever happens. I want to see you thriving as an individual. I want to see you develop social circles, having relationships, making babies. I want to see you getting that job you've always wanted and making tons of money. And no, I do not care about what you have done in the past. We all have a past. What's important, is what you are doing right now. If you are trying to make a change to improve your life and people are controlling you and trying to bring you down. Or bringing up your past. That's how you know that those are not good people. They do not want you to learn, they do not want you to grow. In fact they are glad that you have made those mistakes or faults in the past. It gives them an opportunity to devalue you and look down on you. It gives them an opportunity to abuse and manipulate you. So please avoid those types of people. If you want to discuss a mistake or fault that you have made in the past, please talk to someone you can trust, someone who will not judge you. Many people these days are hypocrites anyway. They are so quick to judge you, before they have even judged themselves. Usually the people who judge you are the ones who are deeply insecure and shameful about their own past. They are just trying to project those negative emotions on to you.