Updated: Nov 21, 2020
The Narcissist Doesn't Want To See You Shine. This doesn't always have to be your relationship partner. It could be someone in your family, one of your friends, someone you work with. Even acquaintances, people who you don't really know. They don't want to see you shine. They hate that you shine. They hate that you have so many amazing things going on in your life. You might be an attractive person, maybe you're in good shape.
Maybe you have nice things... a big home, expensive car, designer clothes. You might have a good career, relationship and social circle. You have hobbies and interests. You have qualities, talents and traits. You are charismatic or you have a good personality. All of these things are making you shine, they are making you stand out. and the narcissist hates it. They don't want to see you shine.
Everything the narcissist does is designed to stop you from shining. You may not realize this in the beginning. You may not understand their desire or motive for doing this. You may be wondering, why are they constantly attacking me? Why are they always getting in the way and trying to stop me from doing what I want to do? You may wonder why they are constantly doing this to you. You may not understand the reasons why they are doing this. When the narcissist does these things, they are trying to stop you from shining.
They will minimize everything about you. Your looks, personality, material possessions. Everything you have achieved or obtained. And they will exaggerate everything about them. They are doing this because they are envious of you. They realise that you shine and they are envious of this. So they are trying to stop you from shining. When a person is envious of you, they will treat you with contempt. As though you are worthless or beneath their consideration. When in reality, you stand out and they see you.
They see you glowing, they see you shining. They just don't want you to know that they see it. They don't want to give you the pleasure or satisfaction of knowing that you are something great. Because in their minds, it takes something away from them, which means that they are also jealous of you. Although they may treat you with contempt and as though you are worthless or beneath their consideration, they will also imitate you and try to appeal to your own ideals. They will act as though they are about the same things as you, or they are just as great as you.
They will endlessly try to compete with you. It is very contradictory behaviour, when you consider that they are also treating you as though you are worthless or beneath their consideration. Why would they imitate you or try to appeal to your own ideals, if they believe that you are worthless or beneath their consideration? The truth is what they are saying to you is very different from how they really see you. They see you as being superior to them. The game is to make you believe that you're not good enough for them, when they really they believe that they're not good enough for you. It is very painful for them to accept that you are superior to them in any way, so instead they will deny it. And as a coping mechanism and a defence mechanism, they will project their negative emotions on to you.
They will target your confidence and your self esteem. They will give you put downs and backhanded compliments. They want you to believe that you're not as great as you think you are. They want you to hate yourself, because they hate themselves. But they don't want to accept that they hate themselves, so they will try to project it on to you. They want you to be them, while they can be you. They may even start acting like you, or pretending to like the things that you like. Pretending to be about what you're about. While putting you down and making you feel as though you are worthless or beneath their consideration. This is envy.
They see you shining and they can't stand it, they are envious of you.
They want to stamp it out because it reflects on them and how worthless and insignificant they feel. They can't get the same fulfilment as you do, so they want to take it away from you. They want to take away everything good in your life because it makes them feel inferior to you. When they see you shining it reflects on them and how they feel as though they are not good enough. They want to be something great, but when you're around it reflects on them and they feel like they're nothing in comparison to you. So they will constantly abuse and manipulate you. Devalue and degrade you. Publicly humiliate and exploit you.
They will endlessly try to prove their worth to you, it becomes a game, a competition. But it's very contradictory, because if they really believed that they were better than you, they wouldn't have to prove themselves to you. They would just know it and that would be enough for them, they would be at peace with themselves. They wouldn't feel any desire or motive to put you down or sabotage what you've got going on. The truth is, they are giving you a handicap. They are giving you circumstances to make your progress or success difficult. The reason for this is because they believe you have an unfair advantage. If they did not place this handicap on you, you would be free to achieve and obtain as much as you want. And that would pose a serious threat to them and how they see themselves.
You don't need to prove anything to them. They already know how great you are. They already believe that you have this unfair advantage. Whether it's looks, personality or money. This is where their desire or motive to control you comes from. They know that you can achieve and obtain whatever you want. But they don't want you to do that. They don't want you to have all of the money, cars, clothes and women. Because then that would reflect on them and how incapable they are. Remember, in their minds, you have an unfair advantage. Which means that you could take all of the money, cars, clothes and women away from them. They don't want that to happen.
This is why they become so paranoid and hypervigilant. How are they going to look, if they remove this handicap and let you freely live your life and do whatever you want, without them watching you or constantly harassing you? How is that going to make them feel? It's going to make them feel like shit and as though you are superior to them. That's where this desire or motive comes from to constantly watch you and ensure that you do not achieve or obtain anything which may trigger them to reflect on how worthless and insignificant they feel. That's where this desire or motive comes from to constantly abuse and manipulate you. Then they will create smear campaigns and enforce flying monkeys to get everyone to see you in the same way. But all of these people are equally as envious.
They are trying to manage or control your progress or success. In their minds, you have an unfair advantage. So all of the abuse and manipulation, all of the put downs and backhanded compliments, all of the restrictions and limitations, are designed to manage or control this unfair advantage which you possess. They believe that it is unfair. It is unfair that you look good, you're in good shape, you have a charismatic personality, and you have money, cars, clothes, and women. It triggers them to reflect on how they struggle to obtain those things. It's not so easy for them, but it looks like it's easy for you. It makes them feel incapable or as though they are not good enough. So they have to limit or restrict you. They have to place this handicap on you, to manage or control what they believe to be an unfair advantage.
It's unfair to them, because in their minds the world revolves around them and the world should serve them. Anyone who appears to be achieving or obtaining more than them, whether it's through hard work or a God-given gift needs to be limited or restricted. Their ability to achieve or obtain needs to be capped, or completely taken away. Because it's unfair to the people around them who feel incapable or as though they are not good enough. What a narcissistic mentality.
To assume that you have the right to limit or restrict someone, just because you cannot achieve or obtain at the same level as them. But this is what narcissists do. They see you shining and in their minds they think it's unfair. It doesn't matter if it's a God given gift or something you worked hard to develop. In their minds everyone should be the same. But once they have witnessed you achieving a certain level of success already, now they believe that you should be below them. Everything you achieved should be taken away and you deserve to be punished.
Because it's unfair to them. You achieved things that they could never achieved. You experienced things that they will never get to experience. So in their minds you deserve to be punished. For showing them everything they wish they could have achieved, everything they wished they could have experienced and they will watch you, follow you around everywhere. To ensure that you never achieve or obtain anything again, that might trigger them to reflect on what they do not have, or what they have not experienced. They are not only limiting or managing your unfair advantage, but they are also managing their pain or emotional distress. Because when you display something to a narcissist, which they do not have or that they believe they will never experience, you are hurting them, you are causing them emotional distress. It could cause a narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage. From that point, they will have it in for you. They will hold grudges and resentment and they will want to destroy you. They don't want to know how great you are. They don't even want you to know that you are shining. It isn't until you leave these groups or communities and find people who are not envious or narcissists, that you realize how brightly you shine.
Then you finally realize what the problem was. You realise where their desire or motive came from to do all of that stuff to you. You were shining so bright, it blinded them and you didn't even know it. Because they placed all of these limitations and restrictions on you. They isolated you from anyone who would remind you of who you really are. Anyone who would tell you how brightly you shine or reflect your light back to you. Everything these people do is to control or manage how you see yourself. Because it reflects on how they see themselves.
They see you shining, but they want you to think you're dull or worthless. If they can get you to believe it, it makes it more believable to them.The game is to make you believe that you're not good enough for them, when really they believe that they're not good enough for you.You shine so bright. They didn't want you to see it and they didn't want anyone to remind you of how brightly you shine. They are envious and jealous. So they want to keep you in a dark room, where no one can witness your shine. They don't want anyone to partake of it, because then that would give you the pleasure or satisfaction, to know that you are something great and you have so much to offer. Everything these people do is designed to stop you from shining. Everything they do is designed to contain your light, to hide it away from people, even yourself.
They don't want anyone to see how brightly you shine. They don't want anyone to talk about it. It makes them mad. Because they're envious and jealous. But now you know the truth, you do shine bright. And if you're not around people who celebrate your light, they do not belong in your life. Find people who will celebrate you and how brightly you shine. Find people who will appreciate your worth without being envious or jealous, because they too possess something of value. Only people who feel worthless or insignificant would ever want to stop your light from shining and that's why they treat you with contempt. Because they are envious and they are trying to get you to feel the way that they feel inside.