How do they view your attempts to return to a normal state of health mind or strength? How do they process you regaining possession or control of something that was stolen or lost?
They see it as though you are rebelling against them. As though you are resisting their
authority, control or convention. As though you are no longer allowing them to control you.
They see it as though you are escaping from the confinement or from their control. They don't see it as though you are recovering. They don't see it as though you are getting better. When you are trying to move on, they initially see it as a challenge. They see it as something competitive, where they need to win you over, where they need to prove or justify something. They don't look at it like you figured them out and now you're trying to move
on with your life. Narcissists are very competitive. They have a strong desire to be more
successful than others. They have a strong desire to win at all costs and regardless of what they might lose in the process.
You might refuse to accept or comply with them, but their desired outcome is to make you
cooperate. They're not going to admit defeat, they're not going to cease making an
effort. Just because you've decided that you no longer want anything to do with them, just because you've decided that you want to focus in your recovery. They might withdraw from the interaction and reduce their attempts to contact you and focus on the other sources of supply. But at some point they will return to you, once they have developed a suitable strategy.
They don't always come back, it does depend on your situation. If you're in a difficult situation, that does increase the chances of them returning to you. They know that you are going to be more likely to respond to their hoover attempts if you are in a difficult situation. If you are needing emotional support, they know that will make you more likely to desire the restoration of your relationship. But if you've moved on and you're doing well and things have improved since you were with them... they know they're not going to have anything they can use to change your mind about moving on. You're going to see that being without
them is actually a lot better for you and if you're better without them, there is no reason for you to go back. You are more able to resist them when you have moved on and created a better life for yourself, because now you are in a better state or condition than you were when you were with them.
If you're still in a state of panic or worry and you have no purpose or motivation, no gratitude or contentment, that is when you will be looking for reasons why you still feel this way. You will have a lot of questions about why you're still going through what you're going through and that is when the narcissist wants to come in with the answers. They want to come into the situation with a solution to your problem. They want to be the cure to counteract or eliminate something undesirable. They want to be someone that you spend a lot of time with. So they will try to come back as someone who is trying to help you or someone who is just a friend. It gives them an opportunity to get back in, it gives them an opportunity to be involved with you again. They have to be closely involved with you, so that they can still observe what you're doing. They're always watching you, even after you've moved on. They're always watching to see when they can get back in, to see when you might be in a time of need. And if they can't see an opportunity to come back in, you won't hear from them. But if they can see that you're going through something and you're experiencing anxiety, sorrow or pain, that means that you will be more willing to accept a hoover attempt from them.
When you try to leave, when you try to heal and move on, they don't see it as though it's really over. In their minds you don't even have the authority to make that decision. They always have to have the final say. So when you do leave them and you try to move on, they just see it as a temporary break. They see it as though it isn't permanent and you're going to reunite at some point. But if several months or years have gone by and you're on your purpose, you're happy and contented and feeling really fulfilled with your life... it's very unlikely that they are going to try to come back. If you have recovered and turned your
life around, they're not going to see any opportunities to come back in. If you're really happy and you're having a lot of fun in your life, they can't trick you into spending time with them. Because there's nothing that they can give to you that you don't already have.
You have to be in a condition of needing something from them for them to come back. Because if you didn't need anything from them, you wouldn't want them around you. And they know this, they know that they have nothing to offer you other than superficial things. They're not going to come back and engage with you on a deep emotional level. They're not going to be able to connect or relate to you in any way and they already know this, which is why they depend so heavily on money and material things to lure you in. But once they've got you, they focus on controlling you and putting you in a state of fear to where you can't just get out. It's all about tricking and trapping you, making you feel as though you have no
other option. Because they already know that with any other given opportunity, you'd be out of there. That is why they depend so heavily on the fear and control, making you feel as though you can't just get out, making you feel as though you have no other option.
When you've managed to move on and you're focused on your recovery, the narcissist is forced to accept that they no longer have access to you. They're not going to try to come back. They're not going to put themselves in a position where they will be rejected by you. It's only when you're still going through pain and distress, it's only when you're still emotionally invested in them. When you are in a state of need, you are going to have difficulty resisting them. When you haven't made progress, the narcissist will see it as though you haven't moved on. They will see it as though you still belong to them. Because they can still see the damage that they have done to you. They can still see the harm that has impaired your value, usefulness or normal functioning. It makes them feel powerful, it makes them feel as though they have the ability to direct or influence your behaviour and the course of events. It makes them feel as though you are compatible and so you are more likely to go back to them.
They know what type of situation is more favourable for them. They observed how you've moved on and what attempts you made to improve your life. They can see how you're living. So if you're struggling to find peace and tranquility, happiness and contentment, there is a high risk that you might end up going back with the narcissist or even finding someone else who is a narcissist. So you must take the time to heal and you must find inner peace. Until you heal your inner wounds, these narcissists will keep coming back. They're predators. they're like sharks, they can smell your blood. they can recognize an opportunity to take advantage of someone who is in a difficult situation. Until you heal your inner wounds, they will continue to smell your blood, they will continue to take advantage of you. Because they see you as being weak, they see you as being easy to take advantage of. Unless they see progression, unless they see you no longer suffering from the damage that they have caused. When you progress, they begin to see you differently. They begin to see you as someone who is no longer accessible to them. They see it as though you are no longer under their control.
You don't need their answers, you don't need anything from them. They can't give you anything that you can't already give to yourself. That is why they are forced to watch you live your life, in the way that you always wanted to, the way that you were always meant to, now that you are free.