When you have moved on from the narcissist, you might stop thinking about them. You might no longer remember the things that they did to you. But that does not mean that you have healed from narcissistic abuse. That does not mean that you are healthy again. That does not mean that you are in good physical and mental condition. Following a relationship with a narcissist or toxic person, you are going to be tense, nervous, and irritable. When you were with the narcissist, there was always a strong possibility of an attack or of something harmful or dangerous happening. And this is what puts you in a state of high alert. As time passes, this state of heightened awareness may fade away, but it doesn't mean that you have healed. Following a relationship with a narcissist or toxic person, you no longer know who you are.
Narcissistic abuse erases you at a core level. This can often leave you looking to others for validation. It can leave you looking to others for recognition or affirmation that your feelings or opinions are valid. So that you can then state a fact or belief about the relationship in a confident manner. External validation can help in the early stages of narcissistic abuse, but at some point, you need to go within and validate yourself. You need to return to yourself. When you were with the narcissist, you spent so much of your time and energy focusing on their behaviours, that you forgot about yourself. You had no time or energy to attend to yourself and give yourself the validation that you need. The abuse has made you very withdrawn, it made you not want to communicate with other people. It made you very sensitive, where you become easily offended or upset. These are the effects of abuse and they are designed to protect you from danger or harm. But at some point you need to open up to people that you can trust, you need to communicate. That is going to help you to heal from the abuse.
Forgive yourself for being involved with the narcissist. You were taken advantage of and you may feel as though you should have known or you should have left earlier. But these are also the effects of abuse, so do not blame yourself. You did the best that you could with the level of awareness that you had at that time. You have to accept that you made a fault or mistake and then forgive yourself. It does not mean that you are a bad person. It does not mean that you cannot be a good person to someone else. You were given a mistaken impression. You were caused to believe something that wasn't true. It does not mean that you are not deserving of developing something real with someone else. It does not mean that you were not good enough to establish something great. You were involved in something where no amount of effort or skills would have helped you succeed. Enduring such a difficult situation displays strength. It displays that you are able to withstand great pressure. It displays that you have the emotional and mental qualities necessary to deal with difficult or distressing situations. And that is why they wanted to crush your emotional and mental strength, they wanted to destroy your effectiveness. Because they were envious of your strength. They were envious of your build. They were envious of your ability to do something or act in a particular way. They were envious of your capacity and performance. It triggered them to reflect on their lack of strength. Their lack of build. Their lack of ability, capacity, and performance. And that is why they wanted to take your strength away from you. You have to realize and accept that you are still strong.
You still have the emotional and mental qualities necessary to deal with difficult or distressing situations. You are still effective. You can still be successful in producing a desired or intended result. But you must strive to achieve what you want. You must make great efforts and struggle to overcome, eliminate or prevent the result that you do not want. You must hold on to your identity, don't allow yourself to be erased. Hold on to your beliefs, hold on to your trust, faith and confidence in what you believe in. You might have lost a person you thought you could trust or believe in, you might have lost your time, energy or money. But that doesn't mean that you should now lack the power to perform physically demanding tasks. That doesn't mean that you should have little physical strength or energy or break under pressure. You are not weak, you are strong. And it is your strength that got you through this. Strength is your realization and acceptance that you have been tricked, you have been deceived. But you can still return to your normal state of health, mind, and strength. You can regain control of your physical and mental state. You can remember the qualities, abilities, and talents that made you the person that you once were.
You can remember what made you an admirable, commendable person. And then you can return to the person that you used to be. You can go back to rebuilding everything that you had accomplished before it was damaged or destroyed. You can find your happiness, your satisfaction and fulfilment in the qualities, abilities and talents that make you who you are. You should not feel embarrassed or ashamed of displaying kindness or concern. That doesn't mean that you are weak. But these qualities should not be given to those who are not worthy or deserving. Those who are only going to take advantage of them. These qualities should only be shared with those who also share the same qualities. You are no less of a person than before you were involved with the narcissist. You might have been tricked or deceived. You might have lost your time, energy, or money. But that does not mean that you're not worthy or deserving of being appreciated and loved by someone else. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough, because someone is a very hateful, angry, envious, and jealous person. That has almost nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They acted on their intense, out of control emotions which then resulting in them exploiting you. That doesn't mean that you are weak. That doesn't mean that you are not good enough. You are strong enough to fight back.
Hold on to your good qualities and continue to be the loving, caring person that you always were. Do not let this turn you into a hateful, envious, and bitter person like the narcissist. Where you have an insensitive and cruel disregard for other people. Hold on to your good qualities, hold on to the good side of you. Stay true to what you believe in and continue to strive to achieve everything that you want in life.