Can you get the feeling that the emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved? Can you get a sense of resolution and conclusion? Many victims try to get closure from the narcissist. They try to get a sense of understanding. They want answers from the narcissist. And there's nothing wrong with you wanting an understanding of what happened to you. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to know more about the situation. But I do not advise speaking to the narcissist. You may want answers. But if you go to the narcissist, you're going to get something different than what you may be expecting. Going to a narcissist for closure will only lead to gaslighting. They will manipulate you into doubting your own memory, perception and sanity. Which will only cause you to become misled, disoriented and distressed. That's all that will happen if you go to the narcissist for closure. Because they're never going to take accountability for anything.
If they were to give you closure, they would be letting you win. But the narcissist cannot let you have the advantage. They cannot let you have the superior position over them. You will never get an understanding from the narcissist. Because their mental characteristics do not function the same way as a normal person. They have a mental disorder. They process information differently. So even if you to try to talk to them and you explain that they're hurting you. You explain that you feel they have failed to show due concern for you. And you feel sad and depressed. It's not going to get through to them. It's not going to make an impression on their minds. But if you were to have that same conversation with a normal person, they would be able to understand. They would be able to feel your pain. Because normal people have empathy. But when you're dealing with someone who lacks empathy, it just results in confusion. When you express how you feel with a narcissist, they just see it as an attack. Which causes them to become defensive. They become very anxious to challenge or avoid criticism. They deflect. They cause you to deviate from your intended purpose. Until you end up going in circles. Because the underlying support and foundation for their ideas, arguments and their justification for or reasoning behind something. Will have nothing to do with reality. Because they don't have the proper knowledge. They don't have the facts, information and skills acquired through experience or education. They lack the necessary skills and abilities to respond correctly. Which means they don't have any insight. They don't have the capacity to gain an accurate and deep understanding of you. Because they lack the necessary skills and abilities to do that. So they're led without understanding and without using their judgement. Which is why when you go to the narcissist and try to get closure, it's not going to make any sense to them. And it's not going to make any sense to you. They will just use it for their own enjoyment, rather than a serious or practical purpose. They will just take the opportunity to amuse themselves. You cannot get them to see sense. You cannot help someone who is disordered to that degree. It's not going to get through to them. They may look normal. But they are emotionally incapable.
So you cannot ask them to understand how you feel. You cannot expect them to relate to what you're going through. Because they're not able to relate to the things that you have an issue with. Or to things that you are complaining about. It might be inappropriate to you, but it's not inappropriate to them. Because they're emotionally retarded. Because they lack emotional intelligence. You might think that they lack good sense or judgement. But they don't see it that way. To them it's normal. They might do something shocking and harmful to you. But they don't process what they're doing as an emotionally developed person. They're going to see it in a childlike way. It may even provide them with amusement and enjoyment. Which may make you very worried and upset. Because you don't know why they can't understand. But this is why. You cannot get closure from the narcissist, because it's like you're asking a child. Which is why you may find yourself playing the parental role when you're around them. Trying to understand things for them. Trying to correct the situation. They know what they're doing. But they don't understand the significance of it. Which is why they act so immature. They have to inflict an injury or insult on you, if they believe that they have been slighted. They're very envious and jealous. They're very competitive. Because they're emotionally underdeveloped. They're like children. So no matter how much you may want closure from the narcissist, that's something you're never going to get. You're never going to get a sensible answer. Because they are emotionally incapable. You just need to recognise what you're dealing with. And then stop responding to them as if they are an efficient and capable adult. Because there's no point arguing with them. There's no point trying to get an answer. From someone who is emotionally incapable. You have to be emotionally developed to be empathic. So they cannot relate to you.
They cannot feel any sympathy for you. They can only mimic emotions. They can pretend like they care. But it's not real. Which is how it's so easy for them to get rid of you. Because the entire time it was just an act. It was just done to manipulate you. But narcissists are going to be stuck this way for the rest of their lives. They're never going to change. While you have the ability to move on. That is an option to you. While they don't have any options. So while they may have done all of these things to you, they didn't get away with it. Because it's a nightmare that they have to relive day after day for the rest of their lives. They don't have the ability to change. So when you think of it like that, your feelings should become less intense. You should no longer feel the need to get revenge. When you understand that they're never going to be happy. They're never going to find satisfaction in any area of their lives. They will always be miserable. While you have the ability to move on and create a better life for yourself.