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Why Narcissists Have To Destroy You To Leave You

Even after everything they've done to you, they have to destroy you before they leave. They have to annihiliate you in every aspect of your life. They have to destroy you mentally, emotionally, psychologically and financially. And you might have thought that they have done enough to you already. But that was just the beginning. Because they're insatiable. It's never enough. They have no cut-off point. There's no limits to what they will do to you. If they see an opportunity to destroy you even more, they will do it. They already disrespected you. They already acted in an insulting way towards you. They lied to you. They played games. They gaslighted you. They cheated on you. They triangulated you with other people. They isolated you. They kept you away from other people. While they went on their smear campaign. While they lied about you to other people. While they spread rumours about you. They have to destroy you to leave you. Because they can't stand the thought of you doing better than them.

They can't deal with that. They're very envious and jealous. They're very competitive. So they have to come out on top. They have to be in a better position than you when it's all over. They have to destroy you. Because they don't want you to move on. They don't want you to recover from everything they're doing to you. They want you to stay in the same position for the rest of your life. They want you to be miserable and depressed. They want you to be broken. They want you to be unable to move on. Because they see you as their property. They see you as something that belongs to them. So if you are trying to get back on your feet. If you are trying to move on with your life. They're not going to like that. That's something they're going to try to prevent from happening. The narcissist wants to destroy you, because you didn't comply with their demands. You didn't do what they wanted you to do. In their minds, you have failed them. So they see you as a lost cause. They see it as though their attempts to change or influence you have no chance of succeeding. Because you are no longer susceptible to their manipulation. Maybe you confronted them. Maybe you caught them out on something. And they don't like that. They don't want to deal with it. They don't want to hear about anything you don't like or don't approve of them. They don't care. So they're not going to look at themselves to see if there's a problem. They're going to deflect it back on to you. They're going to see you as the issue. Because otherwise, they have to take responsibility. They have to do the work to make things right. And that is something no narcissist is going to do. So they're only other option is to leave. They will just ghost you. They will disappear without any explanation for their behaviour. But that doesn't mean it's all over. Because they will come back. But during the time that they're away, they will try to destroy you. Because they have to see it as though something is wrong with you. They have to see it as though you're no good. They have to blame you. Because it's either you or them. Something has gone wrong in the relationship, so someone has to be to blame. They have a black and white mentality. Where people are either all good or all bad. Where people are either right or wrong. And for them to be right, you have to be wrong. Which in their minds, means that you are deserving of everything they do to you. So the discard will be very dramatic. It will be sudden and striking. And they will cause considerable damage. Before they finally leave. Because then in their minds, they don't have to take responsibility. They don't have to give you closure. They don't have to give you an explanation. While you're left very worried and upset, after everything they done to you. Which is exactly what they want. Which is why they never give you an explanation. Because it takes the heat off of them and it puts the focus on you. They frame everything in a different way. To change the way in which things are considered. So that they can blame you. So that they can justify their behaviour. Because they will always have a reason for doing what they do. It will always be because of something you've said or done. They put the blame on to you, so that they don't have to deal with it. They make everything your fault. Because they're shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame.

Which is why they just run away without any explanation. Because they don't want to deal with it. And they're hoping that in time you will forget about it. Because they indulge in fantasy. They build castles in the air. They create these lies and stories that they expect you to believe. Because they believe their own lies. Their entire life is a lie. But they believe that it's true. And they try to get you to believe that it's true. By lying to you. Because in that moment, you don't know what is true. But they mix lies and truth to make it seem more believable. Because if you knew just how bad their reality really is, you would be extremely unwilling to be involved with them. You would run away. You would drop them like a hot potato. Because you would no longer like them. You would realise that they're causing problems for you. Which is why they create the illusion. It's why they live in a fantasy world. Because if you knew the truth, you would run away. And they don't want you to do that, because they need you. They need you to give them attention and validation. They need you to validate the illusions of their false self. Because then they can be your only source of influence. Then they can have full control of you. Which means you're less likely to leave them. But you may unknowingly trigger them, and then they will need to deflect. They will need to hide from the truth. By punishing you. By making you feel bad. When in fact, however you feel in that moment is exactly how they felt before they hurt you. They just put it on to you. But if you pay attention to those emotions when they're hurting you. You will begin to understand their reality. You will begin to understand what they're going through. Even if they never show it to you. But this is why they have to destroy you to leave you. This is why they give you the silent treatment. This is why they leave you without any closure. Because then they don't have to take responsibility. They don't have to look at themselves and their lives. Which is why they don't offer you a solution. It's why they don't try to make things right. They just disappear and then they come back. Because they think you're so broken without them. They think you're waiting for them. So they see it as an opportunity for them to come back. But all you need to understand is that they are not serving you. They are not improving your life in any way. Everything they're doing is for themselves. Because all they care about is getting their needs met. They're just using you to regulate their own emotions. Which is why they always need to know where you are. And even when you think they're gone, they're still watching you. They're still keeping tabs. But it's not because they care about you. Which is why they're never going to give you the answers that you're looking for. They're never going to tell you the truth. They're just going to destroy you for their own benefit. Whatever they think will hurt you, they will use it against you. To keep you under their control. But it isn't real. You only see what they want you to see. It's an orchestration. They plan and coordinate the elements of the situation to produce their desired effect. But it has no basis in reality. But they use it so that you don't see the truth. So you feel like you're to blame. So you feel like you're the one who needs to fix the situation. They come into your life and destroy everything. And then they disappear. Leaving you to put the pieces back together. Because they've left you without any explanation.

So you think you're the one who is to blame. And you try to make things better for them. They've made you feel guilty. They've blamed you for everything. Because they know you're a good person. They know that you want to fix things. So they're using your kindness against you. By making you do all of the work. They have to destroy you before they leave you. Because then they don't have to give you an explanation for their behaviour. And it leaves an opening for them to come back again. Because they've left you broken and upset. So they know that when they come back, it's going to be easier for them. They won't have to do anything for you. They won't even have to give you an explanation. They can just use it as an opportunity to get more from you. And then they're going to leave again. That's the only thing that can happen with them. When they come back, they're going to make you feel good. So that you want to keep them around. But once they're comfortable, they're going to start disrespecting you again. And when you can't take anymore, they're going to leave you. They're going to blame you again. They're going to make you feel bad about yourself. And then they're going to disappear. It's not going to last forever. They're just in it to get what they can and then they're out of there. And it's not just with you, they do this to everyone.

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You’re absolutely right about how they disappear with no explanation. They do this so that it’ll peak your curiously and you’ll seek them out for closure. Then they come back like, “Tada! Guess who’s back!?”… only to repeat the same things over again.

NS, I’m so glad I left that circus of a church and got off that roller coaster with my ex and siblings. To be honest, I don’t miss any of them. Good riddance ✌🏾

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