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Why Narcissists Disappear

Sometimes the narcissist will disappear. Or they will say that they need space. And when they do that, sometimes they're just putting you on the shelf. Because they don't have a purpose for you right now. They've found someone else. And they don't want you to know about it. Or they just don't want to give you any closure. They want to leave you hanging on, incase they need you again in the future. If the narcissist has found new supply, you need to accept it. You need to move on. No matter how painful it may be.

You may have invested everything you had into the relationship. So it's very hard for you to walk away. But it's easy for the narcissist to leave you. Because they didn't invest anything into you. So they're not losing anything. They might toy with you. But if you're not taking the bait, they will get bored of you. They will focus all of their attention on their new supply. And you should just let them go. Don't try to fix it. Don't try to get them back. They've made their bed and they must lie in it. They must accept the unpleasant situation that they have caused. But new supply is not the only reason why the narcissist will disappear.

Sometimes they will disappear to test the relationship. To test how important the relationship is to you. Maybe everything was fine before they disappeared. And then they told you they need space. Or they need time to do other things. But it's not because they've found new supply. That's not always the case. They may just want to see how you're going to react to it. They may want to see if you're willing to fight. Even though you may not have done anything wrong. They will do it just to test you. Which may seem like a senseless decision. But narcissists lack emotional intelligence.

They have an inability to handle interpersonal relationships. They don't feel comfortable in functional environments. They always have to cause trouble. They always have to cause drama and chaos. Even though you may be doing everything they want. Because it's nothing to do with you. They're just feeling insecure about the relationship. So they will disappear. Or they will say that they need space. Even though they don't want to be with anyone else. They're perfectly happy with you. But they're feeling insecure.

When this happens, you need to let them go. Let them walk out the door. And don't try to stop them. Don't try to fix anything. Because if they were just testing the relationship, they will retrace their steps. They will come running back to you. If they disappear and you don't try to get them back. Or if they tell you they need space and you don't react. They will hoover you. They will come back. But if they do have a new supply, they will walk out the door. And they won't come back any time soon. But if they're just testing the relationship, they will be back within the next few days.

Narcissists do stuff like this all the time. Because they lack emotional intelligence. They do stupid things, without thinking about the consequences of their actions. But when the narcissist disappears or they say need space, you should assume that they've found someone else. Because that is the deciding factor for your self respect. You should assume the worst. If they're already intimately involved with someone else, nothing you say or do is going to change their mind. So you have to let them go.

You have to let them walk out the door. Because there's nothing else you can do. Every supply has an expiry date. Your supply has lost its potency. So now your attention no longer does anything for them. They need to get attention from somewhere else. Because that's the only way that they can sustain the illusions of their false self. So nothing you do is going to change their mind. You have to let them go. If they are just testing the relationship, they will back down right away. But the only way for you to know is to let them go.

If you try to talk to them or if you try to convince them to stay, it's not going to work. You're just going to be wasting your time and energy. You're going to be surrendering your dignity. And you're going to be giving your power away. Because you're going to be taking on a passive and subservient role. By showing an excessive willingness to serve and please them. But even if the narcissist doesn't return, you're just going to have to accept that they've found someone else. They've found someone who they think is better than you. And you shouldn't want them in your life anymore.

If you try to convince them to stay, you will be surrendering your dignity. You will be giving your power away. And then they will have you wrapped around their thumb. They will have you under their control. You will become their puppet. Which is why you must maintain your dignity above everything else. You can lose everything you have in your life and you're still going to be ok. But dignity is the one thing you cannot afford to lose. If you surrender it to the narcissist, it will eat away at you for the rest of your life. And you will always regret it. You might lose your money or possessions and it might affect you in the moment. But it won't affect you long term.

Losing your dignity will. If you surrender your dignity in order to get what you want. More often than not you will not get what you wanted. So if the narcissist wants to walk out the door, let them go. Maintain your dignity above everything else. If the narcissist needs space, let them have it. Don't try to talk them out of it. Don't try to convince them to stay. Just let them go. Because you were never really with them anyway. It was just your turn.

You were just there until something better came along. Or at least, their idea of something better. And even if you're married or have children, it doesn't make any difference. They're still their own person and it can end at any moment. If they really want to be with you, they will crawl on their hands and knees over broken glass to be with you. If they don't want to be with you, there is nothing you can do about it. So don't even try. You will only regret it in the end.

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Narcs will never change for the better, unless they as a person deep down in their souls want to become better... but then they don't have souls.... just an empty carcass


Sep 30, 2022

If they really want to be with you, they will crawl over broken glass. If a man really loves a woman or the other way around, they will put their own selfishness aside and come to you to find out how to make the relationship work. They will not lean into their own ego because, they won't want to take the chance of losing you. It's really sad that something like having a long-term relationship with a loving partner is so hard to find. There's nothing better than sharing a meal or going to Legoland and maybe getting a cool sweatshirt there. Just living your best life with someone who has common sense shouldn't be that hard. 🌿 Carly

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