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Why Do Narcissists Change For The Next Person?

When you were with the narcissist, they didn't do what you wanted them to do. And it may have been small things. They didn't want to help or assist you in any way. And it irritated you. Because they were very disagreeable and unpleasant. They refused to comply. They refused to give you a basic level of politeness. They rejected your proposals and ideas. And they discarded you. And then they found someone else. And suddenly they're doing everything you wanted them to do, for this new person. They're cooking. They're cleaning. They're taking care of them. They're doing everything that you asked for. Things that they would never do for you. But it's not a genuine effort. They don't really care about the new person they're with. They've just learned to be more effective at their manipulation. They've realised that some things caused an issue with you. Some things prevented them from getting the response that they wanted. And now they've got an opportunity to start again.

So they will use a lot of the things you wanted on this new person. Because they understand that it caused a lot of issues with the last person they were with. So it's not that this new person is doing something different. It's not that they're better than you. The narcissist just understands that they need to pretend to cooperate with this new person. If they want to be more effective. So they're using things that they've learned from you, on other people. Which is what they were doing before they even met you. They learned things from other people before you. Which made them more effective at manipulating you. They have no identity of their own. They're just a concoction of people's wants, needs and desires. They're not a genuine, individual person. They're just a collection of people's likes and dislikes. And they will customise themselves to be whatever they think you want. But sometimes they get it wrong. And they will try to make adjustments. But you end up being in conflict with these different ideas and characters that they have created. Because at one point, they may have assumed that one thing will work for everyone. But then they later realised that some people are different. Some people want different things. So as they make mistakes, they begin to learn more about what people want. It makes them more effective at their manipulation. As they come across more and more people. And they create more and more characters, depending on what each person wants to see. So they will use things that you wanted on other people. If they think that it will make them more effective. Because they've learned something from dealing with you. And now they've created a character to assign to someone else who may be similar to you.

So they're not really treating this new person better. They haven't changed. They're just using things that they've learned from you. To manipulate people more efficiently. They've learned what to do and what not to do. So that it's more difficult for this new person to figure them out. So it's actually even worse for the new person. Because the narcissist had a lot of practice dealing with you. So now they know exactly what they need to do, to secure their new unsuspecting target. But they're never going to change just because they're with a new person. They cannot stop being a narcissist. Because that is who they are. And their disorder is maladaptive. So that is not going to change depending on the person they're with. But they will want you to think that they can be different with someone else. Because they want you to think that the abuse and mistreatment that you received was because of something you did. When the truth is that abusive people are abusive. It's not because of anything you've done. So they haven't changed anything about themselves. They've just changed the way they interact with people. The narcissist hasn't found someone better than you. They haven't found someone who is able to control them. We cannot control another person's behaviour. And we are not responsible for their choices. It was their choice to abuse you. You are not in control of their choices. And you were not responsible for what they did to you.

Although that is what they would like you to think. So that they can absolve themselves of any responsibility. It may seem like they're treating this new person better. But it's not because of anything you did or did not do. And it's not because of anything the new person is doing or not doing. It's not because they're better than you. It's not because they're more deserving. No one deserves abuse or mistreatment. But you may believe that they have changed, because that's what you want to believe. You want to think that they could be better. And that is the lie that they fed to you all along. They future faked. They fed you a dream about a future where things would be different. If you would be patient and hold on a little longer. But that was only so they could get what they wanted from you. They were never going to treat you right. And they're never going to change. They're never going to become this amazing person you thought they were.

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