Narcissists are predators. They are always seeking targets who are likely to be influenced or harmed by their manipulation. Then they know in their minds, "Yes, I will be able to change the behavior or the perception of this person. I will be able to exploit them for my own needs". Narcissists advance their own interests at the expense of their target. When they are first targeting you, they want to see how much you are going to trust them. How much are you going to believe in what they are saying to you. They might start talking about something that happened in a past relationship. Just to see how you react to it. Narcissists are predators, they are always studying you. Always studying your reactions. They want to have the ability to predetermine your response, for anything that might happen in the future. So they might orchestrate a fake situation and act as though they are hurt or emotionally distressed, just to observe your reaction to it. They are testing you to predetermine how you might respond in the future. They want to see how much you care.
Narcissists usually only target people who care. They target good-hearted people who they believe are easier to manipulate and take advantage of. Easier to provoke an emotional reaction from. They do not want a target that doesn't care. A cold, heartless person... although later in the relationship that's what they will make you think you are. When they would never have targeted that type of person, as they wouldn't care or wouldn't emotionally react as you do. So they targeted you because you are a good-hearted person. You are a loving, caring person. Narcissists like this initially, it is very beneficial for them. You are there to provide them with the love and affection they need. You might have goods or services that are beneficial to them. But over time, they get bored with your love or affection, or your goods or services. It's not as satisfying or fulfilling as it was in the beginning. So in their minds, you cannot satisfy or fulfil them. You are not good enough. Which is really just their own feelings of self-hatred, envy and low self-esteem which are then projected on to you. Sometimes it comes out in verbal abuse such as put downs or back handed compliments. Other narcissists can be passive-aggressive or even physically abusive. And this relieves their frustration for a short time. But as you begin to start confronting them on their abuse or manipulation. Then in their minds you are no longer the good-hearted person they thought you were, and they begin to resent you. You were supposed to let them abuse and manipulate you, devalue and degrade, publicly humiliate and exploit you. As you start confronting them on what they are doing to you, they begin to hate you. They do not self reflect or acknowledge their own emotions. They do not consider any faults or mistakes that they have made. So anything that you confront them about, that's your fault, and you deserve to be punished. When they targeted you, they saw your empathic qualities as a weakness or vulnerability. They saw it as something to exploit or take advantage of. They may have mirrored you or appealed to your own ideals in the beginning. You may have believed that they were empathic too. But over time, you begin to realize that most of the time their words never match their actions. They may have complained about a certain experience in their lives, where someone did something to them or to someone else. As though it was such a big deal and that person needs to be held accountable or deserves to be punished.
As though it's something that really means a lot to them. But when it comes to actually resolving the situation, they never do anything about it. It's never treated as anything of significance or importance. And that's when you begin to realize that they were using a situation as bait or as a distraction to lure you in and then take advantage of everything you have to offer. They use certain situations as an excuse for you to empathize with them as though they were victimized, when really they are predators. They never consistently act upon something which they claim to mean so much to them. Likewise, they might say that it's something that hurt them, or it's something they care about, but when they have the ability to correct a situation, they never act on it. And that's how you know they are full of shit. They will use situations to justify their actions and behaviors. But they never do anything to correct or change it. This is to keep you in a place of acceptance. It causes you to link their actions and behaviors to a certain situation. But it's never the real reason why they do what they do. If it was, they would be busy attending to what should be more significant or important in their lives, rather than engaging in these types of actions and behaviors. But they never do. Most of the time their words never match their actions. They never tell you the real reason why they do what they do. The real reason, the root of their narcissistic actions and behaviors, is envy. That's the real reason why they do what they do. That's where their true desire or motive comes from. Rather than some other situation which they claim to care about so much, yet never act upon to correct or resolve. The root of their actions and behaviors is envy. They will claim as though they cannot do certain things for you or act a certain way, because of a past situation which bothers them so much. It's designed to keep you around, so they can extract as much of your time, effort and positive energy as they can. The longer you stay around them, the more you will get sucked into the illusion. Where you end up in this alternate reality or fake world, with distorted perceptions, alternative interpretations and made up stories. They will tell you things, like you shouldn't have done this, or you could have done this better. But none of that really matters. It doesn't matter if they say that you've done something you shouldn't have done, or you could have done this right. Most of the time, you are already doing exactly what they want you to do. Exactly what they want. You are more beneficial to them than they are to you.
What they are telling you is the problem is really a distraction or a diversion from what the real issue is. A narcissist will almost never reveal the true desire or motive behind their actions or behaviors. What they are telling you is the issue is just a distraction or a diversion from the real issue. And that is something involving you, which they are envious of. But they will never tell you the truth, because they are too deeply ashamed to ever admit it. What drew them to you in the beginning soon becomes what they are envious of, when they realize it cannot be theirs. When they realize they cannot be you and have the qualities, talents and traits that you have, or experience the world in the way that you do. They specifically pick targets who are more likely to believe in their manipulation, lies and illusions. Good-hearted, loving, caring people. Empaths. Just so they can exploit them and extract as much out of them as they can. And also project their self-hatred, low self-esteem and envy on to.