I have noticed that they are always very competitive. This is due to their inferiority complex. Their low self-worth, self-esteem and self-belief. The narcissist does not feel good enough for anyone or anything. This is what they have been told throughout their childhood, by their narcissistic parent, family members, friends or other people in the environment. They have been told this for so long that they believe it must be true. They developed an adaptation to their inferiority complex by creating a false character. A character that has all of the qualities they wish they had on the inside. But instead of putting the work in to actually develop the qualities. They chose to pretend they already have it instead. They believe it, so it must be true. They are able to convince other people that they are this superior person with high self-esteem, self-worth and self-belief. These people will then reflect back to the narcissist, which reinforces their false beliefs. But deep down, the narcissist still feels insecure, they still feel inferior.
So it becomes an endless competition, an endless fight. Where they are constantly trying to prove their worth. Because deep down they don't believe it. Deep down they know that they are lacking confidence. They feel inferior and insecure. They have low self-worth, self-esteem and self-belief. They know all of this. But it's too painful to accept. It's to painful to acknowledge the fact that they are not as great as they really want to be. So they refuse to self-reflect or look within themselves. It's too hard to deal with that. Narcissists don't want to put in the work. They don't want to heal their childhood traumas. They don't want to develop their self-worth, self-esteem and self-belief. It's a long and painful process. They don't want to deal with that. So they pretend they have all of those qualities already. And they can make it really believable, especially during the love-bombing stage. When you first meet them, you're thinking "Wow, this person is so confident and self-assured. They really believe in themselves." They are very good at fooling people. They have had a lot of practice. But really it's just exaggerated to compensate for their low self-worth and self-esteem. Their self hate. They hate themselves. This is why they cannot sustain the love-bombing stage for very long. All of that self-hate has to come out at some point. And unlike the codependent, who self-loathes. The narcissist prefers to project their self-hate on to you. They want to devalue you and make you feel insecure, so that they can feel better about themselves. They don't hate themselves so much, when they are busy hating on you. It's a coping mechanism, a defence mechanism and a distraction from their self hate. Narcissists will compete with their relationship partners, their friends and even their own children. They have to be the best in every moment. Anyone who even attempts to out do them will be devalued and their attempts may even be sabotaged. This is true for money, material things, relationship partners, jobs and even your inner qualities. Their love soon turns to hate when they discover that the qualities you have cannot be theirs. Maybe the very qualities that they always wanted, but instead they chose to pretend. You may be a very confident, charismatic and empathic individual. They become envious towards you. They want to destroy all of your good qualities. They want you leave you lifeless and miserable, so that you will no longer possess the qualities which they wish they had. Because these qualities become a reminder to them of everything they are not. Everything they pretended to be. They try to compete with you in every possible way. They will even end the relationship, hurting themselves, just to hurt you. Even if you were a good source of supply, giving them attention and admiration whenever they needed it. Their hate, anger, envy and jealousy overrides it all. Their desperation to prove themselves and compete with you overrides the value of your supply. The narcissist might even tell you in the beginning of the relationship that they are honest, loyal and trustworthy.
They soon prove that they are the exact opposite of that. They may have lied and cheated on you. Clearly gone against the very values they claimed they had. They will still believe that they are honest, loyal and trustworthy... and they might even tell you that. That's the narcissist's logic. Complete denial, projection and blame-shifting. They will even blame you for the very acts that they have committed and then they will act like they're so innocent and you are evil. Even if you haven't done anything. Because in their minds they are this perfect character. They are this amazing, desirable person who does everything right. This person who has high self-esteem, self-worth and self-belief. They will deny anything that doesn't validate this false image. They will paint a picture of your dreams and sell you a fantasy of whatever you like. Even though they are not in the process of fulfilling any of this and often they don't even have the capabilities to do it. It's like they are competing, they are in some imaginary competition. But at the same time, they do not want to put the work in to make this a reality for you. Because the truth is, they're really not the confident and self-assured person they made you believe they were. That was an act too. But their supply overrides any logic, any reality. They want supply now so they are going to fast forward and future fake as much as they can. Five, ten years down the line you'll still be in the same place, or usually it's even worse. Now you are looking back and wondering what happened to all these plans? What happened to everything they said they were going to do? Everything they said they were about? You soon realise that the narcissist never planned to fulfil anything they said.
They weren't even capable of doing it even if they wanted to. The ultimate future fakers. It's really no different to what they do with their inner qualities. Pretending to be confident and self assured. The grandiosity. The fake self-esteem, self-worth and self-belief. It isn't real, it's all pretend. They are pretending to be something they are not, in that moment, just to obtain supply. They don't have any plans to make that reality. They never took the time to heal their childhood traumas or build those inner qualities. If they could push a button and suddenly have that, I'm sure they would. But because it takes so much work to develop those things, they would rather just pretend instead. And that's what makes them so competitive. They have cognitive dissonance, two conflicting beliefs. They act like these confident, grandiose, self-loving people. But on the inside they feel like they are the exact opposite. So all of this competitiveness becomes an inner fight. Their inner critic is telling them "You are insecure, you are weak, you hate yourself".
The narcissist is fighting their inner critic by acting as though they are secure, strong, self-loving people. But they don't want to put the work in to make that reality. They prefer to create the illusion instead. And they will use whatever they can to create this illusion. They will fake all of these good qualities. They will fake happiness, self-love and confidence. They focus a lot on what people see externally. Material things like their clothes, car and house. All of this has to be better than everyone else's. It adds value to them, makes them appear as high-value people. But really it's just to compensate for how they feel about themselves on the inside. Because inside, they have no value and they know it. The narcissist will spend their time with you doing everything they can to abuse and manipulate you. They really don't want to see you being happy with anyone, they can't stand it. They will abuse and gas-light you to the point where you are no good for anyone else. If you get through this and still have your head intact they will work on your external influences. They will sabotage your current relations, any future relationships and your career. They will enforce flying monkeys and a smear campaign so people will look at you in a different way. Especially if you are an exceptionally attractive person with good qualities. They know a person like that is going to move on and find someone good and live a happy life if they don't intervene. So they will enforce their flying monkeys and create a smear campaign. They will then use this as ammo to make you believe that you aren't good enough for anyone, you are not good looking or you have no good qualities. The truth is you are more than good enough, you are attractive and you have plenty of good qualities. That's why they've gone out of their way to make you think different. That's why they have gone through all of this time and effort to enforce the flying monkeys and create a smear campaign. It's all about making you believe that you are not good enough for anyone or anything. You are not attractive and you do not have any good qualities. This is what they want you to believe and accept as your reality. They know it isn't true. Their motive for doing this is usually because you are more than good enough, you are attractive and you do have many good qualities. They are extremely envious of you because of this. So now they want to destroy it. They want to make you believe that your reality is very different from what you think it is. It becomes an endless competition where they are fighting for you to see things a different way. See things the way that they want you to see it. In a way that is less favourable to you. They want you to believe that you are worthless, you have no value. You are not good enough for anyone or anything. It's a competition, they are competing with you. And if you start to believe it, it's going to make it more believable for them. And soon enough you will start to lose all of those good qualities, you might let yourself go and become less attractive. They do not want you to look good or feel good. They do not want you to be good enough for anyone or anything. They do not want you to have all of these good qualities. Because it's a competition and up until now you have been winning. They believe that you look better than they do, you are good enough and they are not. You have good qualities and they do not. This is their motive. This is why they are so obsessively trying to compete with you. They are trying to prove their self worth to you. Because deep down they know that you are a better person than they will ever be and they can't stand it. It hurts them.
So now they want to take all of this away from you. Because everything you have is killing them inside. It's reminding them what worthless, low-value people they really are. And that's why they are so competitive with you. That's why they become so obsessed and will even stalk you for years. Just to make sure you stay where you are. Do not have a good career, do not make lots of money, do not meet good people or have relationships. Do not go to the gym and work on yourself. Do not look good, do not feel good. Do not do anything that will benefit you in any way. Because any time you do that, it becomes a reminder to them, that you are superior, you are better than they are. And they just can't stand it. They know how great you are, that's why they are doing everything they can to sabotage it. If they really knew that you weren't good enough for anyone or anything... they wouldn't waste their time putting you down, abusing you, doing everything they can to sabotage your life. What would be the point of doing all of this if they knew you weren't going to accomplish anything anyway? They know that you have the potential to be successful in your career and relationships. This is what drives them to sabotage it all and destroy you. They are fuelled by their own hate, anger, envy and jealousy. They don't believe that they can work as hard as you or make as much money. They know that you can get a more attractive, loving partner than they will ever have. You may not know this, as they do their best to hide it, but the truth is this drives them wild in their minds. Picturing you successful with a great job, a house, car and a good looking, loving partner with you. It drives them nuts because they don't believe that they are capable of ever achieving anything like this. This is what motivates them to stop you. They can't just appreciate what you have. They are very envious and jealous. They go out of their way to distract you, sabotage anything good you have going on in your life, anything that makes you happy. Because they cannot stand to see you being anything in life, they cannot stand to see you happy. Because they are not happy and they never have been. So the narcissist is thinking "I'm not happy, what right do you have to try to be happy, when I'm not?", they get angry and do everything they can to stop you. It's all about stopping you from being that reminder to them that they are not happy, they are not satisfied or fulfilled with their lives. The narcissist does not want to build with you or establish anything meaningful. Their purpose is to destroy you because you are a reminder of everything they are not and everything they ever wanted to be. Your personality, your drive, your motivation, your looks... all fuel their hatred, anger, envy and jealousy. Especially if you have money, material things, or if you are good with men or women. Because narcissists are very superficial. Those are the very things they spend their lives trying to obtain. That's all that really matters to them. They want to destroy your material possessions, take them away or sabotage them in some way. If they see you with an attractive man or woman, or if they know that you are really good with them, this really triggers their envy. In the narcissist's mind they are thinking, "Stop making all of this money, stop buying all of these material possessions. Stop meeting all these men or women. You are showing me everything I want but do not have. Everything I wish I had. You are hurting me" It causes a narcissistic injury and they become very hateful and angry towards you. They are also in denial, telling themselves that you don't have that much money or they will devalue your material possessions and your partner. "Your car isn't that great. I hate the colour. I could have a car like that if I really wanted to. Your partner has a big nose or probably slept around with a lot of people before they met you". It doesn't really matter what they say. Nothing they say is ever credible. Because it comes from a place of their own hate, anger, envy and jealousy. They will always have something negative to say to you because of this. It's an endless competition, where they have to feel as though they are winning. But the competition never ends. If they were winning, it would have ended a long time ago. No, that's what they want you to think. The truth is there is no competition, because you have already won. You are not competing with them, they are just competing with you. From a young age many victims of narcissistic abuse are taught to neglect and forget about themselves to give to the narcissist. Your life should revolve around the narcissist and whatever they want. It isn't even your life, it's theirs and they own you like a possession. That's how they see it.
Narcissists truly believe that they own your body, mind and soul. That's why they struggle when you try to develop boundaries. It interferes with what they are trying to do. Trying to control your body, mind and soul. They want to own you like a toy and they want to be in control of your life. The three greatest things that God has given us are the three things that the narcissist tries to destroy. Our bodies, minds and our lives. The narcissist wants you to stop taking care of yourself, stop eating good, stop doing the things you enjoy, stop trying to obtain where the narcissist has not, stop exercising, stop driving, stop talking to men or women, stop dressing good, stop looking good... Just stop it all, stop being you. The narcissist is thinking. "Because you are a reminder of everything I'm not, everything I wish I could be. You are a reminder of where I have failed to obtain as well as I could have". The narcissist cannot go back in time to fix mistakes or obtain enough so that they feel satisfied or fulfilled with their lives. So their way of dealing with their feelings of envy, jealousy and inferiority is to sabotage your life and take away everything good you have.