top of page

When You Discard The Narcissist First

Narcissists are very arrogant. They have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and importance. So they are not expecting you to discard them. They're not expecting you to even be capable of leaving them. And it is difficult for a victim to leave a narcissist. Because even when you've figured them out, you end up becoming the cause of your own problems. You have all of the evidence to prove what you've been dealing with. But you still find yourself trying to explain and justify their actions. You're still looking for excuses. Which is what prevents you from leaving them. And it's what gives them the advantage. Because all they have to do is continue lying to you. And they will future fake. They will use a detailed vision of the future to bring about bonding and connection in your relationship. They will lie and promise something about your possible future, in order to get what they want in the present.

So that you no longer feel like leaving anymore. Because now you believe that things are going to get better. Because they've sold you a dream. They've fed you a lie. And you want to believe it. You want to believe that this time it's going to be different. But when you get to the point where you don't want any more excuses or to hear anything else from them. You start making your exit plan. Which will cause a narcissistic injury, once they find out about it. Because they can't just let you go. They will be very angry. They will stalk and harass you. Because they never expected it to happen. They thought they had complete control over you. They thought you would always do whatever they want. They didn't realise what you were capable of. They didn't think that you were smart enough to figure out their game. So they weren't expecting you to leave. Which is why they took you for granted and valued you too lightly. Because they thought you would always be there. But when you do leave, they will see it as though you have abandoned them.

And they will want revenge. But for them to do that, they need to find a way to come back. Because then they can strike while your guard is down. So they will lower their dignity and importance. They will control their behaviour. They will lovebomb you again. And they will tell you that they have changed. They will tell you that their time away from you has made them realise what they did wrong. And that they're not going to be like that anymore. Because they love you and they care about you. Which can be very persuasive. Because they may seem upset. And some of them will even cry. And it will make you believe that they actually care about you. But it's all fake. It's all a scam to get you back, so that they can punish you. But they're going to wait until your guard is down. They're going to wait until you least expect it. Until that point, they're going to make you think that they have changed. Because that's going to open you up. It's going to make you vulnerable to their attack. They're not really going to try to build anything with you. Because you've already caused a narcissistic injury. You've already rejected them. So they know you don't want to be with them. Because you already left. So now they have to punish you. But until that point, they will play their role. They will act like they're in your corner. They will act like they're on your side. They will get you to invest in them. And then they will use the bait and switch. They will show you who they really are. Because everything is already set up to ruin you.

They will make false and damaging statements about you behind your back. Without your awareness of it. And you may think that everything is fine. But then they will leave you in a difficult position without help or resources. To punish you for leaving them. Because they always have to outdo you. They see everything as a competition. And they have to win. So if you decide to leave the narcissist, you have to go no contact. You cannot stay in contact with them. You cannot be friends with them. They're never going to change. They're just going to act like they've changed, to lure you in to another trap. And that is the reason why when they've cheated on you and made false and damaging statements about you. They don't want to return to you. Because they know you're going to be holding on to that. They know you're going to want revenge. And that's exactly what they're going to do to you. That's why they're always stalking you. They're trying to find a way to punish you for leaving them. Which is why when you leave them, it needs to be final. When you leave, you need to leave for good. Because they're never going to change. It's only going to get worse.

272 views1 comment

Recent Posts

See All



I really enjoyed this article that you wrote. Isn't is interesting that sometimes we grow in spurts. We can accept something in our lives for years. Once we've learned the lesson though, maybe it only takes a week or two and then, we're different suddenly. I know I feel that way. I have a pain that I have endured which is from nothing that I ever deserved. The narcissist would say he did absolutely nothing to make me hurt and obviously that was my own doing. Perhaps he's right. Maybe, I am too patient and maybe I give people too many chances. Maybe I like to project goodness into people that don't have it. And, I honestly still cannot understand…

bottom of page