When the narcissist realises you're done. You can't take anymore. You're fed up. There are signs that let the narcissist know that it's over. That you're finished with them. We always talk about the effects that narcissists have on us. But it's also important to understand the power that we have. And the effects that our actions have on the narcissist. Because there are reasons why you don't hear from them. There are reasons why they stop hoovering you. Because they've picked up on these signs. They've realised they can't mess with you anymore. They've realised they're not going to get a reaction out of you. They're not going to get the response they're looking for. It's over.
When you stop giving the narcissist your attention, they realise you've had enough. They might text or call you. But you're not giving them time to talk. You're not having a conversation with them. You have no interest in talking to them. You have no interest in what they've been doing while you were away. You're not trying to fix or resolve the situation. You just don't care. You don't mind ending the conversation and going about your day. And they notice that.
They notice how you're behaving and feeling about them. When you no longer have any desire to talk to them. When you're no longer entertaining their conversations. Because the more involved you are and the more you try to make things right... The more they know that you are still emotionally invested in them. The more they know that you still care because you're still trying to make things work.
When you show a complete lack of care and bother. When you don't show feelings of agitation or annoyance. When you don't let them bait you in. When you're not getting wound up. When you're not reacting. When you're not giving them your emotions. If you're getting angry and frustrated, it tells them you're still emotionally invested. It tells them you still care. And they're laughing at you behind your back. They think it's funny. It's amusing to them. Because they're still able to toy with your emotions.
They're still able to mess with you. But when you're no longer bothered by their insults and putdowns. And you're not even reacting to it... It triggers them. It makes them question their own significance. Because you used to get wound up. You used to get very angry. But you're not doing that anymore. So when you take away your emotions, that is a huge trigger for the narcissist. They see it as though something else has hindered their power and control over you.
You used to walk on eggshells around the narcissist. You used to be very careful not to offend or upset them. You used to be very careful not to set them off. But when you stop walking on eggshells and you criticise them, they realise you've had enough. You didn't used to do it, because you didn't want to hurt them. Because you cared about their feelings. But they didn't care if they hurt you. But when you stop holding back on the things that you want to say, it annoys and upsets them. They realise you've had enough. Because they've never seen you do that before. But now they're seeing you rise in opposition. You're no longer tolerating it. Which means you're pretty much done.
When the narcissist is unable to reach or contact you. Or you have no interest in speaking to them and you keep things short. They realise you're done. They realise they no longer have an effect on you. They realise they no longer have power over you. They realise they can't control you. And this is when they will get really upset. They will behave even more poorly and inappropriately. Their behavior will become even more extreme. Because they're trying to get you to react to it.
They want to see if your lack of emotion is real. They want to see if you're really done. Or if you're just trying to punish them. They have to test you. They have to see if it's real or if you're just messing with them. And if you stand your ground against their tests, they know it's done. They know you're over them.
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