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When The Narcissist Realises They Lost A Real One

When the narcissist realises they lost a person who wouldn't have turned on them. When they realise they lost a dependable, authentic friend. A person they could have always depended on, no matter what. You were a genuine person. You were intelligent and quick-witted. You were full of promise. You were likely to develop a future of being happy and successful. You were positive in attitude and full of energy and new ideas. You may have been over-trusting. You may have been easily persuaded to believe something. But you were the best thing they ever had. Which is something they didn't realise at the time. So they go on with their lives. And they experience some significant changes. They struggle. They have difficulty coping without you. And they are fully aware of this. They understand that their lives were better when they were with you. When they first targeted you, they put you on a pedestal.

It's like you were the best thing since sliced bread. But they weren't really serious about you. They just said those things to keep you involved. But everything you did inspired their delight, pleasure and admiration. And they may have even told you that you made a difference in their lives. But it's only a matter of time until they start to devalue you. Despite everything they said to you in the beginning. Deep down they know that you're more of a benefit to them than they are to you. But they need to gain an advantage over you. They need to be in control. And to do that, they have to make it seem like something is wrong with you. They have to make it seem like you're not good enough now. When really, it's all a lie. But most victims fall for it. They believe the narcissist is telling the truth. But the narcissist doesn't really have a problem with anything you're doing. They just need to make you doubt yourself. They need to tear away at your self-esteem. Because they have to feel like they're better than you. They think they already know everything they need to know. They think you're no different to anyone else they've met before you. Which is why it's only a matter of time until they destroy you. Just like they destroyed everyone else. Because they regarded you as being less capable than you really are from the very beginning. They didn't recognise how great you actually are. Which is why they didn't give you anything of value in return. Because they didn't recognise your worth, quality or significance. It didn't mean anything to them. Because they were too caught up in their own reasons for being with you. So they just saw you as being the same as everyone else. Narcissists often meet people who are very spirited and lively. People who have exceptional talent or natural ability. People who are enthusiastic, loving and kind. People who are genuine. People who accept them for who they are. Despite their faults. You still chose to be with them. You still chose to support them. But they failed to properly appreciate you. Because they saw it as though they were the reason for you being who you are. They thought they were the reason why you were a dynamic person. They thought you were doing it because you realise how impressive they are. Because you're trying to appreciate them. They don't realise that it's just who you are. Because they're self absorbed and they lack empathy. They're preoccupied with their own feelings, interests and situation. They only care about themselves. So everything has to revolve around them. Whenever you do anything impressive, they don't see it as something genuine. Because they know they're not being genuine with anyone. So they just see you as being fake. Because they know they're giving people fake emotions. They know they're giving people fake care and concern. So they don't believe that any of your qualities are real. They don't really believe that you're kind or caring. They think it's just an act. Which is why they take everything you do for granted. They don't appreciate it. Even though you may be sincere. They don't see it. Because they know they're deceiving you. They don't think the way normal people do. They don't use reason or logic. Which is why they're so difficult to understand. Most of the things they do don't make any sense.

So you cannot rationalise something that is crazy. You cannot rationalise something that is outside of a logical standpoint. It will only drive you crazy in the end. It will only confuse you. But when you try to help the narcissist, they just see it as though you're playing a game. And they don't mind playing the game with you. Because everything is a game with a narcissist. There is nothing outside of the game. Everything they do is in opposition to you. It's in response to some perceived argument or criticism. Because they don't believe in the quality of truly being what something is said to be. They don't believe in authenticity or sincerity. They think their must be a double meaning. They think there must be an alternative interpretation. Which is why you eventually disconnect. And then they find someone else. Someone who may be playing a game for real. Because narcissists have poor judgement. So they might end up with someone who is playing a game they thought you were playing. But when they were with you, you weren't even playing a game. They were just paranoid and hypervigilant. They were constantly assessing potential threats around them. But when they meet someone else who is playing a game for real, it proves to them that what they did to you was reasonable. Because it confirms to them that everyone is fake. But then they may remember that there were certain things you didn't do to them. Things that other people may have done. So then they may entertain returning to you. Even though they believe you are dangerous. So if they do decide to hoover you, they will have to be in a position of control. They will have to be ten steps ahead of you at all times. Because they believe you're just playing a game. They believe you're trying to gain an advantage over them. They think you're no different to them. They think you're operating at a greater level. But they think you're just as deranged as they are. Because their fear, which is caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm. Will not allow them to accept that you are a real one. Because they have a disorder that disrupts normal mental functions. It disturbs the normal functioning of their mind. To where they cannot believe that you are a open-hearted person. They cannot believe that you are kind, loving and honest. They can only see you as a threat. They can only see you as someone who is likely to cause damage or danger. They cannot understand authenticity or sincerity. But they may still decide to hoover you. Even though they may fear being exposed to a high level of danger. Because they see it as though there's a fair return for the risk that they take. So it's worth it. It's good enough to repay any effort, trouble or expense. Which is why they will often come back. Because you are their source of security and stability. You're resistant to change. And the more firm and secure you are, the more attractive you are. Because you never changed. You were always the same. While a lot of other people are out of control.

They're unpredictable. But with you, they always knew what to expect from you. Which is what they liked about you. Because it allowed them to be who they wanted to be. It allowed them to perform their narcissism. So once they've been involved in all of these bad situations. They want to return to you, where it's free from noise or uproar. Where it's free from disturbance. They want to be around something that is good. But sometimes they burn their bridges so bad, that they can't come back. They do something that forces them to continue with a particular course of action. Even though they may not want to. But it's made it impossible for them to return to you or to an earlier situation. It's destroyed any chance of returning to the way things were. Because at some point, you're going to be glad they're gone. After everything they did to you. You're not even going to want them to come back. But they never really move on. They're unable to rest. They're never at peace. But when they were with you, your stability gave them peace. It allowed them to think. So when they're involved in all of these disorganised situations, they are still thinking about you. But they're never going to reveal that to you. You only hear certain things about their situation. Without knowing all of the other things that are going on. They're still thinking about you, but they're self-conscious and ashamed. Because they caused serious problems for you. And they thought that they could easily move on. They were very arrogant and entitled. But then reality hit them. And then they were forced to settle for low-hanging fruit. Which is very different from what they had with you. But they will try to get by with it. They will try to deal with the situation. Even though they're still thinking about you. They just know that after they've done all of these things to you, they can't come back. But they will hope that you still have a yearning desire for them. They will hope that you still want them. At some point, the narcissist may realise to some extent that you are a real one. But by that point, they've already done so much damage to you. Which makes it difficult for them to return. Because they're very afraid of rejection. They have too much pride. And they're just hoping that you don't know what they're really going through. Because despite everything they've said about you, they may be in an even worse situation. Which is far worse than anything they went through with you. And they're also afraid that after everything they did to you, you might want to gain revenge. They have no advantages to get you back, so they just stalk you. They're somewhere lurking in the shadows. They're still watching you. Because they have nothing of value or significance to pull you back in. Especially after everything they've done wrong. While you've been working on yourself. You're a lot happier. You're taking care of yourself. While they come along in poor condition through long use or lack of care. You see them in a completely different way, than how they would appear by alternative presentation or perception.

You're no longer attracted to them. You don't even want them anymore. So even if they do return, it just makes you wonder why you were ever involved with them. That's just how it is, if they do end up returning to you. You're not going to want anything to do with them. After they've broken themselves down, as a result of mistreating you. This is why you shouldn't manipulate people. You shouldn't deceive anyone. Because they've just dug themselves a hole, which they can't get themselves out of anymore. They can't return back to the position that they once had with you. And now they're just left with low-hanging fruit. They're left with the most easily achieved measures and goals. Things that are easy to obtain. And they're never going to be satisfied. Because now they can't get the types of sources that they used to get. The lovebombing doesn't work anymore. So now all they can do is play the victim. Because they're running out of options for supply. They're getting desperate. So now they have to settle for something that is least fulfilling.

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This helps to support the idea that I had value when they weren't admiring me and that THEY, rather than me, messed it all up in every thing they did wrong and the ways they were unfair. It helps me to get rid of the regret at the felonious "mistake" that I have been saddled with at their insistence. It really brings home the idea that their responsibility was never picked up on in the relationship to make it work, and that I could have not done things any better to be loyal or with better value and qualities than I had. TY NS! I can move into a better self-image with these kinds of understandings about exactly wen…

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Thank you, samharper44!

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