This will depend on your situation and how the relationship ended. Many times if the narcissist doesn't hoover you, it's because they have found a new source of supply. They were grooming this source before they left you. You may notice a point in the relationship where they started devaluing and degrading you. This is when they likely found a new source of supply. They were using you as for negative narcissistic supply, while they were obtaining positive narcissistic supply from the new source. You may not have been aware that they had a new source at this time, but if you look back now you should be able to notice signs where they stopped going out with you and you didn't see them as much. This is the stage where they are planning on getting rid of you. But first they have to be sure that the new source is likely to be influenced by them or responsive to their manipulation. Once they have secured the new source of supply, they will then discard you.
If they know that you are still interested in them, still emotionally attached to them... they will toy with you. They will come back maybe every few months just to feed off your interest in them, it's a form of narcissistic supply. They do this because they know that you still have hope, you still believe in them. You also want closure, you want to understand why they just left without trying to work it out. You are confused and you are trying to figure out what went wrong, so you might want to try and make things right with them. The narcissist knows this, they know that you want closure, they know that you want to resolve the situation. They are not interested in you, they have used up all of your energy and likely destroyed your boundaries and lowered your self worth and self esteem. They have a new source of supply with plenty of energy, boundaries and self worth and self esteem for them to use up and destroy.
So they do not need you, they are not interested in you. But they will toy with you and make you believe that maybe they are still interested. This is designed to confuse you and leave you chasing after them. It gives them narcissistic supply. But it does not mean that they are interested in you or anything that you have to offer. They have devalued and degraded you. They will not be interested in you again, at least not until you have had time apart. If in this time you have managed to recover, restore your boundaries and rebuild your self worth and self esteem. Then they might reidealise you as a source of supply, but again it's only to use up your resources and then destroy you all over again. So this is what happens in most cases where the narcissist doesn't hoover you. It's because they have found a new source of supply. It does not mean that they are happy or riding off into the sunset. I have done a video on this, "Is The Narcissist Happy With The New Source Of Supply" It does not mean that the new source is anywhere near as good of a source of supply as you were to the narcissist. Many times the narcissist will enter a reckless phase after the discard phase, where they have struggled to find a suitable replacement. It's not easy for them to find a grade A source of supply. Even with normal relationships, it's not easy to find someone who really vibes or resonates with you. So for them to find a grade A source of supply, who was doing everything that you did for them. It's not so easy for them to do that. Narcissists are delusional and have this magical thinking that they can just replace you without any effort. They always think the grass is greener on the other side. But when they actually leave you, they may struggle to obtain anything close to what you were to them. Another reason why the narcissist will not hoover you is when you don't believe in them any more. You don't believe in their illusions or their false selves. You know what they are really about. They know that they cannot manipulate you in the same way that they did before. At this point, they will not even bother to play the game with you any more. They will just show you who they really are. They will emotionally abuse you. They will do anything and everything they can to hurt you. They will devalue, degrade, publicly humiliate and exploit you. Because you no longer believe in their illusions or their false selves. Now you know what they are really about, you are no longer falling for the manipulation.
At this point, they know they have nothing to lose. Now that you know what they are really about, they know that it's only a matter of time until you discard them. They might still try to hoover you, but this is only to test if you are still emotionally connected to them. To see if they can still get anything out of you. Whether it's your time and energy, attention, validation, approval and admiration, money, sex, material things.
If they believe that they can still get any of this out of you, they will still try to hoover. But if they try to get any of this from you, just one time and you turn them down, that will be the last hoover. In most cases, they will not try again. Rejection causes a narcissistic injury and a narcissist is not going to put themselves in a position where they know they are going to be rejected. They have very fragile egos. So if you have rejected one hoover attempt and made it clear to them that they cannot get anything out of you, in most cases they will not try again. Of course there are exceptions. Some narcissists are so completely delusional and have this sense of arrogance and entitlement. That they will still try to hoover you even if you reject them. But just know that by rejecting them you are causing a narcissistic injury. So if you reject one hoover attempt and then let them in the next time, they will want revenge. The abuse and manipulation will be worse than you have ever seen before. They cannot deal with rejection. They already have fragile egos, low self worth and low self esteem. They do not self reflect or self loathe, so if you let them in on their next hoover attempt, they will project all of this on to you. They might give you fake apologies and tell you how much you mean to them. But it's all lies. It's designed to lure you back in and extract whatever it is you have developed since they were gone. If you don't fall for this attempt to get back in, then they know that you see through them. They know that you no longer believe in their lies and manipulation. They know that they will not be able to get anything out of you. In most cases, this will be their last hoover attempt. They will not try again, as it wouldn't make any logical sense for them to keep returning to a person they cannot get anything out of. They will target someone else who is more likely to give them what they want. In most cases, they will not continue hoovering you if they know that you're not going to give them what they want. The person who leaves the narcissist is the one who has the power. Remember, you have what they want. They do not have what you want, they gave you everything you didn't want from them. And everything they showed you at the beginning of the relationship was fake, a lie or an illusion. So you are the one who has the power in this situation. If you really wanted to, you could fulfill their needs. You could give them their narcissistic supply. So if you leave them, if you discard them, you are the one that has the power in that situation. Due to their arrogance and sense of entitlement, they never expected you to leave them. Even when you tell them that you are going to leave, they don't actually believe that you are going to do it. They have this delusional, magical thinking that they are everything you could desire and you need them, you can't live without them. When you actually do decide to leave the narcissist, it not only causes a narcissistic injury but it is also a huge shock to them. It brings them back to reality and then they realise that you're really serious about this and you're not coming back.
As I said in some of my other videos, narcissists are attracted to people who are not interested in them, rather than people who are interested in them and want to make it work. So in these situations where you have discarded them, in some cases they will hoover you once or twice and then move on to their next target. But in some situations, the narcissist will begin to harass and stalk you. They might create smear campaigns, enforce flying monkeys and try to assassinate your character. In their minds you are their toy, their property... you exist to serve them. They're not just going to let you move on and find someone else. They will try to destroy you and your reputation before you even get the opportunity to do that. So please be aware of this and check out my playlists on these two topics. The Narcissist Harassing & Stalking You and The Flying Monkeys & The Smear Campaign. Once you have figured them out and you no longer see them as having any worth or value. You realise that they don't have your best interest in mind. At this point, they know that they can't get anything out of you. You're not coming back, so now they have nothing to lose. They will harass and stalk you. They will create smear campaigns, enforce flying monkeys and try to assassinate your character. Because they know that you've figured them out, they know that you no longer see any worth or value in them. And they can't just let you move on and be happy with someone else. They're going to do whatever it takes to destroy you. And if they can't do that, they will destroy everything around you instead. Your family, potential relationships, social circle, career, finances. They are not going to let you move on and have a life without them. Remember your happiness... your satisfaction and fulfilment in life triggers them to reflect on their endless misery and suffering. If they just let you move on and live a happy life without them, that would cause a huge narcissistic injury. So they will harass and stalk you in these situations where you have discarded them. They will create smear campaigns, enforce flying monkeys and try to assassinate your character. Their pathological envy and jealousy is so strong that in many situations, survivors of narcissistic abuse have had to change their location to get away from these people. In many situations where narcissists discard their victims or they discard them. The narcissist will not move on until they have completely broken them down. Many victims are left in a condition where it takes them years to recover.
Some of them never recover. And this is exactly how the narcissist wants it to be. They don't put all of this time and effort into harassing and stalking you for nothing. They don't create smear campaigns and enforce flying monkeys for nothing. This is designed to break you down and completely destroy you. It's designed to prevent you from ever moving on with your life and living as you were supposed to, if you had never got involved with these people. Narcissists are sadistic, they enjoy your misery and suffering... it gives them narcissistic supply. So even if you are left with serious health conditions or even if you are dead... The narcissist is not going to have any empathy for you. Their pathological envy and jealousy overrides any empathy they would otherwise have for you. This is why in many situations narcissists will even nudge their victims to commit suicide, or they will even kill their victims themselves. The last thing these narcissists want is for you to move on and live a happy, fulfilling life with someone else. They would rather see you dead... in fact they would enjoy that. You have to remember they are really sick, twisted people.
Once you've caused a narcissistic injury, triggered them to reflect on their own faults, mistakes, flaws or imperfections, made them feel envious or jealous towards you... They just want to kill you now. They don't put all of this time and effort in for nothing. It's designed to break you down, it's designed to destroy you. So in these situations they will hoover you from time to time just to see how all of this is affecting you. Or they might spy on you or get someone else to spy on you. They feed off your pain and suffering. You probably know from my videos that I have experienced harassment and stalking for many years. I have experienced flying monkeys, smear campaigns and gang stalking. But I didn't allow this to ruin my life. I still try to live my life in the way that I normally would, if these people had never targeted me. You could say that I have used the abuse to motivate me. I have turned this negative situation into a positive one. I have converted their toxic, negative energy into power and motivation for myself. Huge narcissistic injury. I have done a video on this, How Does The Narcissist Feel Once You've Moved On. This really is the ultimate revenge. In my personal experience, there is nothing they more than your success. Financial and career success will cause a huge narcissistic injury. But for some reason what really winds them up more than anything is if you are able to heal and move on, and then find a healthy relationship partner who is able to give you everything the narcissist always told you they would, but never followed up with action. For some reason, this is the ultimate narcissistic injury. If you heal yourself despite everything they did to you, everything they tried to do to destroy you. And then move on to find someone else who gives you the love, affection, understanding and everything else you always wanted, which the narcissist could never give to you. After they did everything they could to prevent this from happening, because it's the last thing they want to happen... Huge narcissistic injury. There are two things that the narcissist cannot stand. One is a person achieving or obtaining where they couldn't. And the other is their victim or target moving on to find someone who gives them everything the narcissist claimed to have, or said they were going to give, future faked or create illusions but never followed it up with action. Because it just reminds the narcissist that they are full of shit, they're not really about anything and they never were. But when they see you or someone else who actually is about what they said they were about. That really winds them up and just reminds them what fake bullshitters they really, truly are. If they know that you are happy and you see through their lies, manipulation and illusions. Why would they ever try to hoover you? It would be a wasted attempt. They would be wasting their time and energy. If you have managed to move on with your life and find real happiness and fulfilment... and you see through their lies, manipulation and illusions. They are not going to hoover you. They are not going to entertain someone who knows what they are really about. They do not want to be around people who do not validate their illusions or false selves. You have to believe in what they are saying and what they are displaying to you. If you cannot do that, you are invalidating them, you are hurting them. So they are not going to want to be around you. They are going to find an unsuspecting victim who doesn't know what they are really about. Someone who will believe in their lies, manipulation and illusions. Someone who will validate their illusions and their false selves. Even if they are not as attractive or don't have much to offer. They know that they can't get anything out of you, so they are forced to target someone else and in many cases they are forced to lower their standards. This is why you will notice that narcissists often appear to downgrade after leaving you, or after you have left them.
It's as though they got lucky with you, maybe you weren't so superficial. I look back with the ex narcissists in my life and it seems as though they always return to the standard that they are used to, the standard that they are more familiar with. And it makes sense, as when they are with a person of high standard they become envious and jealous. They start getting competitive which always results in them self sabotaging and destroying the relationship. So even though once in a while they may get lucky and find someone above their typical standard, their envy and jealousy soon leads to competitiveness, the relationship is destroyed and then they are forced to return to the standard that they are used to. If they hoover you it's because they still believe that you are likely to be influenced by them or you are still emotionally attached. If they know that you're no longer interested in them or you no longer believe in their lies, manipulation and illusions... in most cases they will not hoover you.