You may think that if you haven't heard from the narcissist for a few weeks or months. That you won't hear from them again. But just because they've been gone for a while, that doesn't mean they won't come back. Which is why you need to protect yourself. By becoming aware of the reasons why they want to come back. The narcissist will often come back when they've ran out of supply. When they're no longer getting attention. When they're no longer getting praise and admiration. They will return to you only if they need something from you. Even if it's just money or a place to stay. Because maybe they discarded their supply. Or maybe their supply discarded them. So now they need something. They need someone to be there for them. But they will also try to come back to you, even while they're already with someone. Because one person could never be enough for a narcissist. They need multiple sources of supply. They might have one person to give them attention and admiration. And another person to give them money and a place to stay.
So whenever they run out of money or attention, that is when they will hoover you back. Because they need more. But they may come back just because they're envious of you. And they want to bring you down. Because while you were with them, they held you back in life. They prevented you from being your best self. They prevented you from living your best life. But once they discarded you or you got rid of them, you were finally able to grow into who you were meant to be. You were finally able to make things happen and live a fulfilling life. Because you were no longer being held down by the narcissist. But just because the narcissist is pretending to move on with someone else. It doesn't mean they're not looking back and seeing you glow up. They're always watching you. They're always checking in to see if you're still suffering. But if they look back and they see that you're doing better without them, it will spoil their stomach. It will make them envious. It will make them sick. And they will want to come back just to finish you off. Just to break you down all over again. Because your success makes them feel bad about themselves. They think it makes them look bad. So they will come back just to destroy you. Sometimes the narcissist will come back just because they're bored. Because they want to get a reaction out of you. Because they want to control you. Because no amount of supply is ever enough for them. They always need more. And they may just see it as a challenge. As something that they have to prove to themselves. To show themselves that they are desirable and attractive. To show themselves that they are wanted and needed. And that they have a useful purpose to someone. Because narcissists are very insecure. Which is why they're always seeking power and control. They may just see it as a challenge to pull the wool over your eyes again. To put you back under their spell.
They love turning a no into a yes. They love making people break their own rules. Because it feeds their ego. It provides them with a sense of security and stability. It validates the illusions of their false self. It makes them feel special and important. The narcissist comes back to rob you of your qualities and virtues. They come back because you have what they want. You have empathy. You have love and compassion. You have kindness and generousity. And they want that. They want you to surrender that to them. So that they can use it to benefit themselves at your expense. And they may also use it as a form of punishment and revenge. To make you pay. To make you suffer. Especially if you were the one who left them. They will come back just to reject you. Just to put themselves in a position where they are able to discard you. So that they can feel better about themselves. So that they can feel like they're this top dog who has conquered you.
You’re absolutely correct NS. I feel like my ex husband is personally offended by my success and the fact that (with God’s help) I’ve been able to bounce back from the divorce. Perhaps in his mind it makes him look “bad” bc I’m actually at a better place now then I was with him. ??? The other male narc in my life is just bored and looking for some attention. I used to admire him and respect him and he probably remembers how that supply stroked his ego. I’m just a challenge to see if he can turn my head towards his direction one more time? Well…fat chance for both of them! Let their more “mature” wives give them the supply they…