When you first got involved with the narcissist, they tested you. Because they wanted to see what they could get away with. They wanted to see what you were going to put up with. So they gradually pushed past your boundaries. They did things that they knew you would be uncomfortable with. Things that they knew would hurt or upset you. And then they fell back and studied your reactions to what they were doing. They wanted to see how you were going to respond. Because that response would tell them what they will be able to get away with. It will tell them what you are willing to tolerate. And if you reacted to them in a vicious and threatening way, they would probably pull back. They would leave you alone. Because a narcissist is not willingly going to put themselves in a situation that could be dangerous or harmful for them. They're cowards. They run from danger. But if you react in a way that shows tolerance or acceptance. Then the narcissist is just going to run amok with you. They're going to behave in an unrestrained and out of control manner. Because that's really what separates these narcissists from the rest of us.
They will do whatever they think they can get away with. Whatever they think you are willing to tolerate. There's no limits to what they will do to you. They lack empathy. They have no care or concern for you. They will exploit your kindness. They will use it to their benefit, at your expense. Because although we call ourselves humans, we are still animals. And it's survival of the fittest. Only the strongest of us will survive. While the weaker get left behind. But throughout our lives we have been taught to be kind and polite. When being nice to a narcissist really doesn't get you anywhere. Just think back throughout your relationship. I'm sure you will struggle to remember a time when being nice got you what you want. They just ignored you or shut you down. If you're always nice to a narcissist, eventually they will destroy you. You will be their doormat. Where you're doing whatever they want, whenever they want you to do it. They're just going to walk all over you. They're not going to treat you with any dignity or respect. Which is why you have to develop this quality of not being nice to the narcissist. Of being more aggressive. You have to put them in their place. Because these narcissists have worked on this quality. So if you don't work on it, they're just going to end up shutting you down. They will take everything you have. Because you're too nice. You're too kind. And they see your kindness as a weakness. They see it as something for them to exploit. Because you were too kind to defend or protect it. It's not that you were too weak. You just weren't willing to use all of your strength to achieve what you wanted. Which is why you must develop this quality of not being nice. And you must know when to use this quality. Don't be afraid of the narcissist. The truth is that they're actually more afraid of you. That's why they act that way. It's out of fear and shame. But while you may not feel fear or shame, you need to stop being so nice to the narcissist. Or else they're just going to see you as a pushover.
They're going to see you as someone who is easy to overcome and influence. Someone who they can overpower and overwhelm. They're going to feel like they have the capacity to have an effect on your character, development and behaviour. So you have to stop being nice to the narcissist. And you have to be specific about what you want or expect from them. It has to be clear, so that they understand. But if it gets to the point where you're having to use this quality 24/7, you're going to left with only one option.
You're going to have to leave the narcissist. Because if they've done it so many times, they're going to do it again. You're going to have no choice but to get rid of them. Because they're completely defective. They're not willing to assimilate. They're not able to co-exist with you. And you can't be aggressive with them 24/7. Because then that's going to affect how you interact with other people. People who haven't done anything wrong. When healthy relationships depend on politeness. But do not be afraid of the narcissist. Stand up for yourself. Don't let them push you around. Remember, they're cowards. They act this way out of their own fear. They're more afraid of you than you are of them.