The narcissist will discard you and cut you off, treating you as if you're worthless. But after some time, they will return to monitor and observe you. They took a risky action and want to see if they made the right decision. They want to feel good about their choice and avoid feeling like they made a mistake. They check in on you to see how you're doing, to see if you're progressing without them. They worry that what they're involved in might fail.
Narcissists have poor judgment and decision-making skills, so they monitor you from afar. They study your interests and character to know what role to play when they return. They pretend to have changed, but they never put in the work to truly change. They don't want you to know they're the same as before. They envy that you're living your life and having a good time without them. They hate to see it, but they can't help themselves.
When they discarded you, they thought you were garbage and didn't put in any effort. They left you in a difficult situation without help. But they still check on you, confused about why they couldn't attract and hold your interest. They're curious why you didn't beg them to come back like others may have. They've perfected their manipulation and want to know what's different about you.
Why are you not susceptible? Why are you not under their spell?
And they will monitor you, to try to prove to themselves that it's you and not them. They have to try to devalue you. Because otherwise, their only other option is to try to return to you. Which is not easy. Because it requires a lot of work from them. A lot of self-control. A lot of unemotional, dispassionate, and moderate behavior. To where they have to pretend like they don't really want you. They don't really want to come back to you. Because they can't accept that they messed up. Or that they should have to make things right. But at the same time, they're forced to accept that they don't have any other choice.
Because they want to be in a place or situation that is very active and exciting. They want fun. They want enjoyment, amusement, and light-hearted pleasure. They're thrill-seekers. Adrenaline junkies. And they're constantly looking for their next hit. They're constantly looking for new supply. And they often end up in dead-end situations with people who just don't know what to do with them.
So then they have this epiphany. They realize that it hits different with you. And then they want to come back to you. After they overlooked and underestimated you. They regarded you as less capable than you really are. They assumed that you were in a difficult situation. As though things were getting bad for you. But then they started to interact with other people. They established new connections. And that didn't go right for them. They weren't satisfied.
So then they considered and assessed you again in a new light with different factors.
Because they realized that they were missing out on something. And what they were missing out on is fun. They were missing out on enjoyment and playfulness. And that's what they want. They want to be a part of that. They want to be a part of anything that makes them feel good. Anything that makes them feel happy. So they will come back. Often after they've already been watching you for months. And they've seen that you've been having fun. You've been having a good time without them. You've developed new interests. Maybe you're wearing new clothes. Or you've styled your hair differently. You're experimenting with new things. And it feels new to them. It looks fun, interesting, and exciting.
So they will pretend to be about that as well. They will act like they're on the same page. They will build a character. And try to reflect your own individual personality back to you. Because they believe that you will be more accepting of it. They believe that it will be more appealing to your personal tastes. Because there has to be a common interest or passion. Otherwise, it wouldn't make any sense. They would have no business dealing with you. Unless they're just trying to groom you. And train you to meet their needs. Which is exactly what they're trying to do.
But they have to find a way to get in first. And they will do that by developing this fake common interest. Which they don't really care about. But it's all so that they can tear you to pieces. Because they never change. They've just been watching and studying you the entire time. And it's been making them sick. It's been making them very angry. Because you've been having a good time without them. Like they were nothing to you. So now they want to show you up. They want to outperform or outclass you. They want to teach you a lesson. They want to show you that you were wrong about them. But only if they're capable. Because many of them don't even have the means to do that.
But they're still thinking about you. They're focusing all of their energy and attention on you. And it has a powerful and lasting effect. It pulls you in mentally. And it can make you want to be a part of something that doesn't even exist. Something that they've just created in their minds. And they've exchanged these ideas with you energetically. But it has no basis in reality. Because the reality is that they just can't leave you alone. But it doesn't mean that they have anything of value to bring to you. It just means that they can't get you off their mind. Even though you may have moved on. You accepted that they weren't wanting to deal with you. And it may have been unpleasant for you, but you kept going. So you've moved on.
But they haven't moved on. Because they're still thinking about it. It's still playing on their minds. And the worst part about it is when you try to cut them off and go no contact. Because they still haven't processed it. They still haven't resolved these feelings in their minds. So it will get to them. And they will do anything to get back to you. They will invent something in order to deceive you. But your silence gives you power. It protects you from this person who means you no well. Because then you have nothing to prove to them. When they're stalking you, the last thing they want you to do is to resist them. The whole purpose of it is to get you to attach to them.
To keep them on your mind, which is why they're constantly present. They're always there. Which is why they always have to have something that gives them that foot in the door. It's the first step that gives them an entry into your life and into your mind. It's used as a way of getting them what they want because otherwise you'd just forget about them and move on.
They wouldn't even cross your mind and they know that. So they've got to have something that keeps you stuck thinking on them, something that's constantly playing on your mind.
And they may have acted as though you weren't good enough, and all they wanted is for you to be better. But they already know that they're the one thing standing in your way. They know that they're preventing you from reaching your full potential because in fact, the last thing they want is for you to heal and be better. That's the last thing they want to see because then that would mean you don't need them.
And they want you to need them, even though they have no intentions of ever giving you what you need. Which is why they're always around you. It's why they always want to be on your mind because they already know that it's going to make it more difficult for you to heal, it's going to make it more difficult for you to move on. And that's the whole purpose of it. It's designed to keep you thinking about them, to keep you stuck in the past, so that you can't move on.
Because the reality is that they can't move on, they're stuck in the past. They can't heal or change or be better. And the last thing they want to see is you leaving them behind. They don't want to be stuck in the past on their own, where they're constantly thinking about you and you've moved on without them. They have this crabs in the bucket mentality where they will do everything in their power to destroy the ambitions of those who wish to improve themselves because they can't better themselves.
And they don't want to see you moving on and doing better without them because that affects how they feel about themselves. It makes them feel like they're stupid and they're wrong. They're stuck in the past and they can't move on. So they need you to worry, they need you to care, so that they can filter their emotions through you because they can't process them on their own. They need a vessel, they need someone to carry their emotions.
But the moment you begin to feel unbothered and you become indifferent to their criticism and negative comments and you cut them off, but you realize that they have nothing to offer you, they have nothing of value to bring to your life, that is when they will lose their significance and importance. They will lose their quality of being worthy of your attention because by that point, they're no longer relevant.
And the last thing they want to is not have any relevance to you. They need to feel like they're closely connected or appropriate. Otherwise, they're forced to accept that they have no business dealing with you. They're forced to accept that they're doing something they should not be doing. And that's the last thing they want because they still have their feelings and they see their feelings as facts.
So they need their feelings to be relevant, which is why they have to make you feel some type of way so that they can get a hold on you and make themselves relevant because they feel like they're getting something from you, they feel like they're still getting something of value. Which is why they will try to arouse your curiosity and interest even though they've already burned the bridge.
And there's no way you're going to go back to trusting them again, although they may not always realize that because of their arrogance and entitlement. They only care about themselves and what they're trying to get from you. You just need to cut them off because they're never going to be anything good for you, and you should know that from the first time you dealt with them. The second time is always worse, it never gets better.
First impressions are everything, nothing can replace that moment when you first encounter another person and form a mental image of them. Which is why they're really just wasting their time, they're delusional. Which is why they will continue to stalk you, especially on social media, and they will go to great lengths just to get your attention. But it will never work because they're trying to achieve the impossible.
They're trying to replace that first impression, that initial interaction you had with them, which is what's most powerful. It's what influences a person the most and determines the course of events. And what they're really seeking is power, but they're seeking something they're never going to possess because they already shot themselves in the foot, they already exposed themselves, they already did things that caused problems for you. So they will never get that, they will never hold that level of power and influence over you.
They will never be able to attract and fascinate you in that sort of way. They already blew it, they already failed to take advantage of that opportunity. But they will still keep trying, and instead of keeping it natural and trying to recreate that feeling of intense excitement, they will resort to power play where they will have to stay informed and up-to-date, they will have to possess special knowledge and power, they will have to stay two steps ahead of you, they will have to cleverly anticipate what you will do or think.
But it eats away at them, it troubles them constantly because that's not what they really want, and they know that's not what you want. But they have to resort to these silly games so that they can have a peep at what you're doing because although they may act like robots who are all serious and trying to control you, deep down they're just like everyone else. They want to have a good time too, they want to be in on the action.
But once they've exposed themselves for who they are, they know they really haven't got a chance. So they have to resort to stalking you, they have to accept that it's all that they can do, even though they know it hits different, they know that it isn't real because you no longer want them and they already know you don't want them. Because they know that no one wants someone standing on their shoulders all the time, they know that no one wants to be controlled.
And they know they don't deserve you after what they've done to you. But at some point, you need to make sure they understand something that you've never said directly. You need to make sure they get the hint. Because hypothetically speaking, even if you played along with it, you would see the same issues coming up again and again. You would see that they can't assimilate because they already have their own ideas in their head about who you're supposed to be. So the dynamic will always change.
Because they're fake. They're just wearing a mask. And that mask is always going to be there. They're always going to be wearing it. They're always going to be concealing something from your view. Because the reality is that they can only pretend to amuse you. They can't generate it from within authentically. They can't entertain you. They're not wired that way.
So as I've always said, the best you will ever get from a narcissist is an illusion. They will only ever be playing a role. And it will only ever be a shared fantasy where you're left to use your imagination to fill in the gaps. Because the reality is that it's only ever going to be something that you've created on your own.
So don't entertain any unusual new messages or friend requests. Because they operate in an impressively smooth and efficient way. They've had a lot of practice. So they know how to manipulate people. They know how to make you think they're about something. They know how to come across as something attractive or interesting. As something that you should want. As though they're not responsible for or directly involved in an event, yet suffering its consequences.
But deep down they will always have this cunning and deceitful nature. They will always reveal their skills in achieving their ends by misrepresentation and evasion. They will make you believe they're on the same page to relieve your suspicions. But they're not thinking how you think. And they're not feeling what you feel. They have an inability to understand and share your feelings. All they can do is watch and study you. They can't connect or attach. They can only hide and then suddenly reappear. And although it may sound sick, weird, and creepy, it's exactly what they do.
コメント