The narc parent will create a fantasy. They will do this because they want to be seen in a different way. It could be someone they want to be more like or it could be something that they always wanted. A large muscular man, a successful music artist or a beautiful woman. You may desire one of these yourself and this is why the narc parent plays the part. It is also because they feel like they're not good enough as they are. They are slaves to desires that can never be fulfilled. Narcissists are often very successful people in the beginning, look at any narcissist who is famous and you will see that this is true. After their initial success you see them holding on to it for the rest of their lives, never really progressing, just holding on to what they once had. They are not capable of long-term success in anything and this is why you will find yourself holding on to what you saw in the beginning, because you know that they are not capable of further success. This is it. This is as good as it gets with them. And that is why they don't even bother trying to make it work, they won't even waste their time. Think about it... if they really believed they were capable of making it work, they would at least try to make it happen.
That is another reason why they become narcissists. They want so much more but they know they cannot do any better. So it results in them self-sabotaging, becoming hateful, angry and envious of your progression or success. On the surface they seem so self-assured and confident but this is nothing more than a mask, the real person has no self-belief, at least not long-term. They can pretend and put on an act for a short period of time. But most of it is just words and they have no ability to follow up with action. They don't want you to help them, they just want you to try to help them. That gives them narcissistic supply. They are willing to destroy themselves and sacrifice their own future, if it will emotionally and psychologically damage you. They see themselves as much greater than they actually are, but they see their lives as being less valuable than the victim's feelings. Your emotional state is everything to them. It determines everything they do and everything they say. Because their lives revolve around provoking a certain emotion within you and then obtaining a reaction from you. This is a form of narcissistic supply. That just shows how greatly they value your life, if they are willing to invest so much time and effort into trying to destroy it. The saddest thing about the narc parent is that although they all end up alone and miserable in the end, they once actually had all of the tools they needed to create everything they always wanted, they just didn't see it. They were too busy taking advantage of their scapegoat child and their emotional state. Sabotaging their future. Rather than focusing on building a life that they could be proud of and focusing on progressing in life. They will feed you something to dream about. Years go by and nothing really changes. You might develop an awareness of this and realise that after so many years nothing has changed. They will point out things they have done for you like they have given more than you have. Think back to the beginning, all of the things they told you, all of the plans for the future... did any of that ever happen? They were all empty promises that they never planned to fulfil. Focus on the present. Did you ever dream for any of this? I can be that this was never what you expected and it was never what you wanted. It was also nothing that the narcissist ever mentioned in the beginning. Remember everything they promised you, think back and remember it all. When you do that and then look at your current situation with them, you will have every reason to no longer view them as a credible source. They don't want to do the work to help you improve your life and to be honest they don't even want to see you progress anyway. So what do they do... they give up. That's their mentality, if they feel like they're not capable of doing something... they won't even try, they just give up. As you are becoming a teenager and finding your identity, the narc parent will put you down. They will make you feel as though you have no right to be happy. The narc parent does not want you to have a relationship. I always noticed that my father was very angry and insulted when I started being around girls. Every girl I have ever met, who knew of him, has said the same thing. He didn't like me talking to or being around girls. Narc parents are extremely envious of their scapegoat child and any relationships or even friendships which they may have. It's because the narc parent didn't meet as many girls as they wanted to at that age, or didn't meet any. It's because the narc parent didn't have many friendships at that age and felt alone and isolated. So now, any relationships or friendships you have will be met with hate, anger, envy and sabotage.
They will target your self perception. Try to make you see yourself differently using devaluation tactics. They will criticise the way you look, the way you walk, the way you talk, how you dress, anything you are interested in. If you asked them what they actually do like about you, they would struggle to name even one quality. There are good qualities in every person, so that is how you know that they are intentionally only looking for the bad in you. They aren't looking at you from a balanced perspective, so they could never see anything good about you even if they tried. So they will target and distort your self perception. They will also distort your perception of the people around you. This could be other people in your family, your friends or a partner. Anyone who likes to spend time with you is instantly devalued by the narc parent. If they like you or want to spend time around you, the narc parent feels that they are taking you away from them. They are losing their pet, their slave, their primary source of narcissistic supply. The narc parent does not want to share your attention and validation of them with anyone else. They are also extremely envious of you having any friendships or relationships, because of their Post Traumatic Stress Response (PTSR) from when they were around your age. Anything you obtain which the narc parent felt limited in as a child or young adult automatically triggers their PTSR. If the narc parent struggles to change your perception of the people around you and you continue to spend time with them. They are left with only one other option, to create a smear campaign. The purpose of the smear campaign is to make everyone around you see you the same way that the narc parent sees you. This is designed to isolate you and prevent you from establishing any new friendships or relationships. This can have a highly damaging affect on your social circle and potentially the community in which you live in. The smear campaign promotes narcissism. Not only will everyone see you the same way, but everyone will soon begin to act in the same way as the narc parent. It will seem as though everyone is developing narcissistic traits and unfortunately, they are. Just ask yourself, what kind of person would change their beliefs of you before you've even met? They base their opinions and impressions of you from what they have heard from the narc parent. This means that they are flying monkeys, apaths or enablers. They enable the abuse and manipulation to take place. It's all about isolation and prevention of financial resources.
The narc parent wants to keep you all to themselves, forever. And any awakened individual who tries to come between that will be devalued along with you. The narc parent is an exhibitionist. Sometimes they want to be the star, the center of attention. Other times, they will want their scapegoat child to be the star and take all of the attention. This isn't intended for the scapegoat child to shine though. The narc parent wants to exploit and humiliate their scapegoat child. The narc parent is laughing behind the scenes thinking "Yes... now you know how it feels, to feel like an alien, isolated... struggling. Now you have to experience everything I had to go through, but for you it is 100x worse. Now I feel relieved from my Post Traumatic Stress of what I had to experience as a child." They want to recreate all of the misery which they had to deal with, just so they can watch the scapegoat experience it again and again. Their stress doesn't seem so bad now, because what the scapegoat is going through is far worse than anything the narc parent ever had to deal with. The scapegoat child's life has to appear worse to the narc parent, so that the traumas from their youth don't seem as bad. The narc parent's behaviour stems from someone who never had a proper childhood and never had the chance to experience many relationships or friendships. The narc parent likely struggled financially, alone and isolated.
So now they want to take their misfortune out on their scapegoat child, who could possibly grow up doing the same thing to their child. It is a sick, twisted thing to do... robbing your own child's youth. It's worse than any physical or even sexual abuse. The psychological damage and effects on their life are far worse. You can heal from both physical and sexual abuse. This goes on for life, because it is an endless effort to stop you from healing. The narc parent knows that if they stop abusing you or stop using their manipulative tactics, you will recover eventually. You will escape from their web of misery, find new relationships, have a career. And you will soon become a reminder of everything they never were, everything they never got to experience and that is just too much for the narc parent to bare. I've noticed they never want you to leave the abusive situation. They will give you what you need so that you can remain in the same circumstances, giving them the opportunity to continue the abuse. But they will never give you enough for you to leave. If you are working or receive money from somewhere and you do have enough to leave, they will steal it from you or trick you into giving that money to them. They will even put restraints on you to make it impossible for you to leave. They will give simulations and illusions of love and as though they are giving to you. The best way to know if you are dealing with someone that ever cared or loved you is to look at what they give to themselves and then compare that with what they give to you. A narcissist will never want any form of equality in a relationship, whether it's friends, future relationships or material things. You must always have less than they have. They will always be the priority and you will never be deserving of any equality. For many victims, this lasts for their entire lifetime. It is their entire conscious experience, all they will ever know life to be. Once you become a teenager that is when the envy begins. They didn't get the chance to meet girls or boys at that age. So when you do it's like "How dare you... how dare you meet those girls. How dare you meet those boys. I never got to do any of that when I was your age. So you should not be doing it, you should not be experiencing that." From that point on they basically just want you to die, because you have reminded them of everything that they never got to do. The main reasons why they don't kill you is because they need you for narcissistic supply. You are somewhere from them to dump their toxic shame, to shift their blame and project their insecurities. You are their emotional punching bag, someone to carry their emotional baggage which they are too weak to deal with. What the narc parent does is far worse than murder. They are sick, twisted, calculative, sadistic, emotional predators. Everything is designed for you to fail. And they will set it back up, just so they can watch you fail again and again. Because they failed when they were around your age, they messed up really bad and they never found a way to resolve those traumatic events. So now it is your turn. You must feel the pain the narc parent felt back then. But you're not going to feel the pain just once. You are going to experience their misery everyday for the rest of your life. Because any time you are not miserable or failing is a reminder to the narc parent of all the calamities they faced in their early lives. So while all of this is happening to you, the narc parent feels tears of joy thinking "Yes... relive it for me, so I can watch you suffer just as I once did." But once is never enough for the narc parent. It has to be done again and again with no end. Just as there is no end to their pain, trauma or misery. There will only be an end if they find happiness in themselves. There will only be an end if they find truth in themselves. But no, they rather project their past traumatic experiences on to you. They choose to project their emotions and insecurities on to you. Yes... the ultimate example of a coward. While they are doing all of this they will still play the victim role. They will abuse and manipulate you with no end, while still believing that they are the victims. They could stabbing you with a knife, while crying and asking why you are hurting them. That is how ridiculous their thinking is. They live in denial because reality is too painful for them to accept.
The narc parent will tell the scapegoat child that they are you are not good enough for anyone or anything. When they say this, it doesn't say anything about you, they're projecting how they feel about themselves. They know that they're not good enough that's why they cannot be their true selves. As you begin your path of bettering yourself and finding your true identity, the narc parent cannot handle this. They will tell you that the real you is fake, that's not who you are. You are the weak, low confident person that they made you... that's what they want you to believe. Only you will know when you are on the right track and becoming who you really are. They will try to put you back in your place, try to get you to be the person that they want you to be. They feel more comfortable that way. You need to find the real you, your true self. Develop your self-esteem, self-worth and self-respect. Rebuild your boundaries and practice self-love rather than the self-hate you were taught as a child by the narc parent. Self-love is your greatest defence against the narc parent.