On your first meeting with the narcissist, I'm sure they were very eager to get to know you. Narcissists specifically target empathic people who are looking to love and be loved. They are looking for people who are passionate, decent, caring and have a strong moral compass. Empathic people are easy for the narcissist to take advantage of. So on your first meeting with them. They want to learn everything about you. They want to know everything you like and everything you don't like. They are taking mental notes of everything you say you like and don't like. They will then use the information you give them to mirror you and act as though you are both the same. They will make you believe that you are on the same frequency. They will make you believe that they share the same beliefs, values and principles as you. They will appeal to your own ideals. They might change their hair or clothes to fit whatever look you prefer, without you ever telling them to do so. They might see a celebrity you admire, a singer or movie star... and they will begin to work on themselves so that they can be more like this celebrity you admire. They have no true identity.
So changing themselves to appeal to your own ideals is very easy for them to do. From the first impression, they will often ask you specific questions so that they can tailor-make their appearence, beliefs, values, principles and morals to synchronise with yours. It is like a form of false advertising. They show you what you want in the beginning, but then you soon discover that they're the exact opposite of that. All of these beliefs, values, principles and morals soon change and you discover what they are really about. They likely told you in the beginning that they are loyal, honest and trustworthy. You soon find out that they are cheating, lying or doing immoral and illegal activities which you are unaware of. Once you discover what they really are, you basically become a lost cause from that point on. The narcissist isn't going to stick around to talk things out. You have seen through their false character so the game is over. They will then bail on the false character and everything associated with it, which includes you. They then change their appearence, personality and beliefs to attract a new source. If you were going to see anything great, you would have by now. They are not willing to work to make things work out, they would rather put all of their work into creating an illusion. The reason for this is because deep down they can't stand to see you doing well, even if it's benefiting them in the process. Anything involving you becoming successful is always going to be a big NO. They will even self sabotage their own lives if it means it's going to prevent you going any further in life. From the moment you met them you were fed a load of BS. They made you believe that they were about shit, but this was nothing more than a cover-up of the truth. They were never even capable of creating great things, if they were they would have. They focus on the manipulation and abuse because this is the only thing they are good at. If they were good at something else, believe me, they would be focusing all of their time and efforts on that. But if you know you're no good and not capable of anything, why would you bother trying? This is why they appear to give up on you and even give up on their own lives. All they can do is mirror you and copy your own beliefs, values, principles and morals. We call this mirroring because it is like they are holding a mirror infront of you and you are falling in love with yourself. Unlike the narcissist, we actually like ourselves and that's why this tactic can be very effective on us. You will never get anything real or genuine from a narcissist. They are all talk and no walk. They will tell you anything you want to hear but they can never follow it up with action. All they can do is create an illusion and if you look closely enough, you will see that even their illusions don't fulfill your expectations. Narcissists will also use tactics such as gaslighting and coercive manipulation to change your core beliefs, values, principles and morals. This is also known as conditioning, grooming, programming or training. They will make you believe that your expectations have been met, even when they clearly have not. They will cause you to lower your standards and accept their abusive manipulative behaviours as normal. They will use denial, projection and blameshifting to make you believe that you are the problem. You are the reason why they cannot fulfill your expectations. These are all just tactics to make remove themselves from any responsibility or accountability in the relationship. Why does the narcissist create this false character, mirror you and try to appeal your own ideals? Why don't they just be themselves and let whatever happens, happen. Well, if you know you can never live up to a person's expectations, why would you ever bother trying?
That's how they see it. That's why once you have seen through their false character, they will eventually discard you and try to find another source. Someone that's easier to please. Someone who doesn't know what they are really about. So they have another opportunity to mirror and shape themselves to be whatever the source wants to see. Victims of narcissistic abuse are so confused by the narc's manipulative tactics. They create an illusion and make you believe that you were never good enough. This couldn't be further from the truth.
It is actually the narcs that were never good enough for you. They could never fulfill your expectations, they could never satisfy you in any shape or form, remember that. This is why you had to create this fantasy and believe in the illusions they were showing you. Because the reality of them was far from interesting, far from satisfying. You tried to convince yourself that they were better than what they really were. You did this because this is what you wanted to see. I've spent my whole life dealing with these people, it's a nightmare I swear. The worst part is they want you to feel lucky to have them in your presence and it's like wtf!? Why should I feel lucky to be dealing with these people that ain't about shit. All they're good at is creating an illusion of being everything they're not. I used to fall for that when I was younger, but now I see right through them. I see what they really are and it's hard not to laugh at them. Some people describe narcissists as being wolves in sheep's clothing. I don't see them as wolves. Wolves are not weak, wolves are not cowards. The narcissist is no wolf. They are angry little chickens. Obsessed with attention and validation and they will go out of their way to get it. They are addicted to people If they do not get the validation and attention they need they will probably go insane. Normal people believing in working together, to fulfill whatever it is that they both mutually desire. In the narcissist's mind it's every man for himself. This is the mindset of the narcissist. This is what they believe and their mindset can never change. I know it's difficult to accept. But what other option do you have? Put up with the BS illusions and manipulation for the rest of your life? When deep down you know you deserve better. You deserve someone with a positive, fun personality. Someone who will help you progress and succeed in your life. Not someone who just talks about it, while nothing ever changes. The narcissist doesn't even want to see you succeed in any aspect of your life. They want to eliminate the belief in you have in yourself, because they lost that belief a long time ago. It would be great if it only took a matter of time for them to love you and understand you, like a normal emotionally healthy person. But the fact is they are simply not capable of doing that. If they were, you would have seen it by now. Narcissists are future fakers. They will tell you anything you want to hear, but they will never follow it up with action. They have no empathy and no consideration for you. They only wish the worst for you. They get bored very easily in relationships.
It doesn't matter how good looking you are or how great your personality is. The narcissist is powered by a constant source of supply. Just like a light is powered by a bulb. And once that supply is gone, the bulb needs to be changed. So your relationship with the narcissist already has an expiry date from the moment you meet. The narcissist already knows this, so what's the point of putting in work? What's the point in trying, when it's going to end anyway? The narcissist thinks that since it's going to end, they might as well fuck things up for you while they are still around.
Because no narcissist wants to see their victim move on and be happy with someone else. The narcissist's goal is to leave you clinically insane or to nudge you to suicide. This is covered by mirroring and a false appeal to your own ideals. The last thing the narcissist wants is for you to ever reach your true expectations, whether it is with them or with someone else. When you have narcissists in your life, it's basically like carrying a huge bag of worthless bricks on your back. They have no purpose, they do not assist you in any way. Being in their presence will not provide you with anything good, usually the bare minimum if you're lucky. Narcissists are like robots on a mission hunting down their next source to provide them with the validation they live for. All they do is take your love and energy until there's nothing left of you and then they find someone else to do the same with again. Once you've gained enough understanding and awareness to see through them, it really becomes nothing more than entertainment. It's like being in the circus, watching a bunch of clowns putting on an act. The narcissist can never fulfill your expectations, unless they teach you to expect nothing from them.