They believe that you deserve to be treated with regular and repeated cruelty and violence. They believe that it is justified. They believe that it is ok for them to treat you in this way. Why do they think that it is ok for them to abuse you? It's because they think you're gullible. They think you're easily persuaded to believe something, easily tricked and deceived. You were willing to believe everything that they said to you, so now in their minds you are deserving of the abuse. You didn't walk away at the first act of abuse, you continued to stay with them, even though they were abusing you. They see that as justification for abusing you, they believe that means you deserve it. In their minds if you didn't deserve that kind of treatment, you would have left by now.
When you are involved with a narcissist and you overlook the red flags, they see that as though they have more experience, knowledge and good judgement than you do. They see you as being naïve, they see you as having a lack of experience, wisdom and judgement, because they were able to manipulate you. They were able to trick and deceive you, so in their minds that means they're more intelligent than you are. It makes them feel like they're superior to you. They see it as though they are more experienced and more knowledgeable, but really they're just manipulative. They're lying to you, they're concealing or misrepresenting the truth, but you can't figure them out and they've been doing this to you from the beginning.
When we don't figure them out, when we fail to understand what they do, in their minds that makes us the stupid ones, that means that we lack intelligence or common sense. But of course, the narcissist doesn't go straight in and reveal who they are from the beginning. They like to reveal parts of themselves to see how you will react to them. They like to test the waters. They prefer to judge your feelings and opinions before taking further action, because that lets them know how much you are going to tolerate.
They will say and do certain things to test you and see how you will react to them. If you do not respond in the way that you should, by shutting them down and telling them that you are not willing to tolerate their behaviour, they are going to continue engaging in it. And not only that, but it's going to get worse, it's going to escalate with time. Which is why as soon as you see this kind of treatment, you need to identify it and then leave. You should not give them any second chances, because there are reasons and motivations why they're doing what they're doing. They want to see how you're going to respond to it, as it lets them know what else they're going to get away with.
You should not tolerate this kind of treatment. As soon as you see it you need to leave, because you're not going to want to be with someone like that anyway. And the more you tolerate the worse it's going to get. The more they're going to realise that they can get away with whatever they want and treat you however they like and you're not going to do anything about it. Which is exactly what they were looking for when they targeted you. They are predators. They were looking for someone who they could exploit, they were looking for someone who they could take advantage of. When you're complying with their demands, when you're ready and prepared to do whatever they want and you put up with the abuse, in their minds that proves that you're the crazy one. You're insane, you're a fraud and in their minds that means that you are deserving of the abuse.
Narcissists are very cruel and unfair. From the beginning, they concealed who they really are and what they're really about. They don't tell you that they're secretly against you, they don't tell you that they're only going to take advantage of you. They portray this image of someone who cares about you, someone who has your best interest in mind. They act like they have the same objective or intended result.
They have this fantasy that they've created in their minds, about everything that they're going to get out of you and that is the same dream that they are trying to sell to you. They analysed you from the beginning to ensure that you would be suitable to be their source of supply. They used clever and indirect methods to prepare or train you for this purpose, until they guided you to this point where you've then lost control of yourself and the situation. Now there are so many problems and difficulties that you can no longer cope with them. Now you feel like you are unable to continue. You have panic attacks, you're suffering from anxiety or depression. You feel like you can't keep going anymore, you just want to lay down and let the narcissist do whatever they want, because you haven't got the energy to fight anymore.
When you believe in the narcissist's reliability, truth or ability, they see it as though you are giving them permission to disrespect you, they feel as though they no longer have to take you seriously. When you trust the narcissist, they feel as though they have power over you. As though they have the ability to direct and influence your behavior and the course of events. When you trust them, it blinds you to what they're really doing and what they're really about and this is what continues the cycle of abuse. When you have a firm belief in the reliability, truth or ability of their false self, this is what enables them to continue doing what they're doing. Because you're trusting someone who is only going to take advantage of you. But when you see them there's nothing that instantly reveals that this is what you're dealing with, there's nothing that instantly reveals that you're dealing with a predator. But that is exactly how you have to see them, you have to see them as someone who is trying to hurt you. Because that is exactly what they're trying to do.
When they're engaged in these behaviours, when they're trying to exploit you, when they're deliberately trying to hurt you... you should see them as a predator. You should not hold on to the image of their false self, you should not be wondering when that side of them is going to come back. Because for a start, that isn't even real. It was just what they used to manipulate you and keep you locked into the cycle of abuse.
When the narcissist is testing the waters with you, they're revealing parts of their undesirable traits of the true character and personality to you. They want to see how you're going to respond to it. This is how they groom you, this is how they prepare and train you for the purpose of being their source of supply. They reveal parts of who they really are to see if you will put up with it. It starts off with something small, but gradually it gets worse and worse until it's something really serious. But because you put up with it for so long, it's got to a point where the narcissist can do whatever they want to you and you will still be tolerant of their behaviour. It tells them just how powerful they are, it feeds their ego and it boosts their false sense of self-worth, self-esteem and self-importance.
As long as you're tolerating their behaviour, everything is going according to plan. You have to be their doormat, you have to be submissive, you have to allow them to dominate you. They can't have you putting up a fight, they can't have you trying to resist their attack. They enjoy breaking you down over a period of time. It proves to them how powerful they are, but in their minds it also proves how stupid you are. It proves that you have a lack of intelligence or common sense and therefore you deserve to be mistreated and abused.
If you can't see what they're doing to you, if you can't understand it... in their minds you deserve to be abused. Because if you were in a healthy mental state, if you were sane and rational and you were not screwed up yourself, you wouldn't tolerate it, you wouldn't even be around them. That's what they're saying to themselves in their minds when they're doing this to you. They see it as though you're so insecure and in need of emotional support that you will do whatever it takes to keep them. You will still assist them and comply with their requests. This is what you're proving to them. You can't see that they're not really interested in being with you, they're just using you for their own selfish needs. In their minds if you're too naïve and stupid to realize this, if you can't figure them out, you're just as bad as they are. Actually you're less than them, because you're willing to tolerate it. They look at you and how you're suffering following everything that they've done to you. You might be having panic attacks, you might be suffering from anxiety and depression. They see it as though they have reduced you to nothing. They have forced you into obedience and submission and brought you to a worse or less desirable state or condition.
In their minds if you were anything better or greater, you would never have allowed this to happen, you would never have allowed them to treat you this way and you wouldn't have let it get this far. So in their minds you're weak and stupid. They see you as a coward. But of
course, there's two sides to this. They were being unfair from the beginning, they tricked and deceived you. But they don't take that into consideration, they don't see that as being immoral or unethical. They think that makes them superior to you. They think that means they're more experienced and more knowledgeable than you are. They will do whatever they have to do to win. In their minds there's no such thing as playing dirty or unfairly. They look at you and see you as being fake or disingenuous. Because if you were everything you said you were, you wouldn't have allowed yourself to be abused by them.
If you want the narcissist to see that you deserve better and that you do not deserve to be abused, there is only one thing that you can do. You have to stop assisting them and complying with their requests. Stop giving your power away and prove to them that you are a person of high value. You do love and respect yourself enough to walk away from them. You're no longer going to tolerate their abuse and disrespect.