Updated: Dec 26, 2020
There are differences between the male and female narcissist. Males will combine their appearance with their charm to accomplish a goal, while females will do this to gain superiority. Males will use their charm to seduce a potential partner, while females attract using their body and may wear provocative clothing. Males develop an exaggerated sense of their own importance or abilities, simply because they choose to believe it. While females develop this arrogance by comparing their superiority over other people. Males are preoccupied with obtaining money and will even steal from other people. While females enjoy excessively spending money.
While both male and female narcissists will cheat, males tend to be serial adulterers. Females will use their bodies to attract a man and then deprive him of his male role or identity. Males treat other males as rivals, while females battle with other females for dominance. You can never sustain a consistent and long-lasting relationship with the female narcissist. In her mind she already has an idea of how it is going to go, before the relationship has even begun. She might say or imply that she shares the same beliefs, values and principles as you do. She might say that she is about loyal, honest and trustworthy. But then you soon discover that she has been lying or cheating on you.
The female narcissist will mirror you and appeal to your own ideals. She will pretend to be about what you're about. She will fool you into believing that she has all of these amazing qualities, talents and traits... When really, they are just things she has copied from other women, where she has seen that they have been successful in manipulating men or getting them to do what they want. From the moment you first meet her, she will be manipulating you into becoming infatuated with her. You might mistake it as love or believe that this person is your soul mate. This is exactly what she wants you to believe and it makes it more easier for her to control you. She is dependent on your attention and admiration, so she doesn't want you to be going anywhere.
As the female narcissist's source of supply, you are expected to serve her and give her everything she needs. She might give you what you want in the beginning, but most often this will be an illusion or a simulation of value or significance. It's just something she has seen someone else do, or something she has seen in a movie. It isn't real or genuine, she is just telling you what you want to hear or showing you what you want to see. She is mirroring your preferences or interests and then reflecting them back to you. This is designed to secure you as a source of supply and keep you around so she can extract more of what you have to offer.
She is enjoying the positive attention that you are giving to her. Attention, validation and admiration. You are regulating her emotions and boosting her self esteem. The love bombing soon ends and the female narcissist then gets bored of your services or compliments. They are no longer stimulating her. They no longer have the same potency as they once did.
The initial high of the relationship has worn off and now she just sees an object which can no longer supply her with what she needs. It's like when you're craving a cup of coffee. Before you purchase the coffee, you already know why you are buying it. You are expecting it to boost your energy or improve your mood. You buy the coffee and you're drinking it, everything is great. It tastes good, it's giving you more energy and it's making you feel good. Everything is great. If you want it to be sweeter, you can put some sugar in there. It doesn't mean that you care about the coffee, or you want to give something to it... you just want to alter the taste so that it suits your needs more. Finally you finish drinking the coffee and all that's left is an empty cup. There's nothing left, you drank it all. All you're left with is rubbish, so you throw it in the bin.
This is what happens when you are with the female narcissist. It might appear as though they are treating you good in the beginning, but it's an illusion. They are treating you a certain way, to get a specific response out of you to benefit them. Just like you might put sugar in a coffee so that it has a sweeter taste, it doesn't mean that you care about or love the coffee. You might like how the coffee tastes or how it makes you feel, but this actually has nothing to do with the coffee. It's all about you. And it's exactly the same way with the female narcissist, this is how they see you. You are just an object they use to regulate their emotions and boost their self esteem. They do not care about you, they do not love you... they never did. It never had anything to do with you as a person.
The female narcissist is not interested in giving anything to you. They are self absorbed and lack empathy and consideration. They do not care about men. It's all about what you can do for them, what you can provide for them. Once they have drained you of your energy, taken you off your life's purpose or drained you financially, you will never hear from them again. Because it was never about you. It was never about giving or sharing anything with you. It was all about her and what she could extract or obtain from you. But no matter how much she took from you, whether it was physical, mental, emotional, financial or material... it was never enough.
The reason why you could never satisfy or fulfil the female narcissist really had nothing to do with you. She probably took the opportunity to blame you and claim that you are not good enough or something is wrong with you. But the truth is, the female narcissist cannot be satisfied or fulfilled. Going back to the coffee analogy, the female narcissist can be likened to a cup with a hole at the bottom. While you could be likened to a full cup of coffee. When the female narcissist first met you she was attracted to your full cup and imagined how this could serve her and provide her with what she needs. But she never had anything to pour into your cup.
As the relationship continued, she began to drain you of your love, energy and resources. Without ever pouring anything back into you.
By the end of the relationship, your cup is completely empty, you have nothing left to give. Although the female narcissist has extracted everything that you have to offer, she still isn't satisfied or fulfilled, because her cup had a hole at the bottom. Everything that you poured into her leaked out.
The female narcissist is constantly chasing attention and admiration from multiple sources, she is trying to fill her cup. But no amount could ever fill her cup, because of the hole at the bottom. The female narcissist can never be satisfied or fulfilled. This results in anger, frustration and resentment which is usually taken out on the closest person to her. The female narcissist is very insecure and has low self esteem. She depends on external validation rather than looking within and giving it to herself and this is why she will never be happy. This is why every relationship she gets into will fail.