The Discard Phase Of A Narcissistic Relationship


The purpose of discarding is for when they see you as not being efficient enough for them any more. They believe that they have completed their mission. The goal of the narc is to show you in the beginning what you really want, use this as a tool to distract you and keep you in close proximity. Over time they will mentally and emotionally abuse you, sometimes even physically. Criticize you for everything you do or say, point out your every flaw. Destroy any potential friendships or sources of relationships that you might have. Prevent any exit strategies. By this point you are exhausted, you gave everything and you have nothing left. Why would anyone want you now, even the narc? But the narc cannot take this risk. No matter how ruined your life is, there are always going to be good understanding people. So unless you're dead or at least barely able to live, the narc isn't going to take this risk and will stick around until the end. The narc is nothing more than a guide to your doom and destruction and believe me, they take a lot of pleasure from this.



When I was with the narcissist I built up a fantasy in my head. I used to tell myself deep down they have this amazing personality and they are very likeable and great to have a conversation with. In reality, they were the exact opposite. But I knew exactly what I wanted in my mind, so I made myself believe that is what they are, when they weren't. They know they are boring, empty people. That is why have the love-bombing stage, manipulation - gas-lighting. They will research idols, your favorite celebrity and begin to emulate them. They make you believe that they are this amazing, beautiful person. Over time, you will begin to see through the illusion they have created. This is when they will use manipulative tactics such as gas-lighting, denial, projection and blame-shifting. They want you to believe that everyone else sees this amazing person and it is just you who does not see this. The truth is, they use this illusion or pretend to be someone else because they have nothing more to give. That is the whole point of the illusion, to make you believe that they do have more to give. I know it's hard to accept this reality after everything they fed you in words, you think that they must be with-holding something, somewhere. But that is literally all that they have to give you and you can wait around for the rest of your life, but you're never going to see anymore than that. It's a game to them, a simulation. They will use future faking to make you believe that you will have this great life with them in the future. Even while they haven't taken any steps to make it a reality, a lot of them don't even have the means to do it. Narcissists love attention, from anyone. They will most likely have multiple sources lined up on their social media already before the discard phase. They need these interactions to reinforce their value, which is determined by other people or external sources. The narcissist will see the relationship with you as a temporary contract until they find someone that they perceive to be "better". What I've noticed from my past relationships with four narcissists is that they almost always end up with someone far worse. In the devaluation phase they will prepare new sources of supply ready for the discard phase. They know it's only a matter of time until you take a step back from their abuse and no longer provide them with supply or discard them. They know you're going to figure them out at some point. Once they have their multiple sources lined up and ready to go, that is when you will lose your value to them. They have drained you of your energy and love, you have become a low quality source of supply to them now. The narcissist is no longer getting the same charge as they did when they first met you. Now they have obtained all of these other options with people who have a full battery. People who they haven't abused or manipulated yet. People who don't know the real them or what their agenda is. All of these new sources satisfy the narc's ego. They see themselves as better than you now, though this doesn't say anything about you as a person. You are superior to them in many ways. You are self-validated. You don't need external sources to validate you. The narcissist is heavily dependent on a new source to provide them with supply - attention and validation. You were always genuine to the narcissist. You never intended to play games, manipulate, lie or cheat on them. You have always remained true to yourself and true to the narcissist. That is why you are superior to them.



They cannot live without draining you of your positive energy. Inside their minds they are suffering, living in hell daily. But you should not feel any empathy for them. How can you feel empathy for someone who has all of these sick, twisted behaviors? Remember that next time you feel any pity for these people. Remember what they did to you and remember the emotional wreck they turned you into. Even after they distort your reality and perceptions, they will blame you for that too. They are not willing to accept responsibility for where they are in life. They need someone to blame and they will target the kindest people they can find, because they are rich in positive energy and they are easier to manipulate. As they are empathic, understanding and forgiving people. The discard phase is inevitable with these individuals. It doesn't matter how attractive you are inside or out. If someone isn't capable of seeing it, what difference does it make? Narcissists want you to feel like you are not good enough for anyone. The reason for this is because deep down they believe that they are not good enough for anyone. Their belief of themselves is accurate though. How can a manipulative abuser be good enough for anyone? No one deserves to be treated like that. You are attractive, you have a good personality. This is part of the reason why they don't like you. They have an inferiority complex and they are very competitive. They cannot reach your level, so they tear you down to their level instead. Their goal is to make you so messed up, until you are no longer good enough for anyone else after they are gone. Make a conscious choice to emotionally disconnect and dissociate from them. Respond to yourself, rather than reacting to their toxic and negative beliefs. This will allow you to maintain the desirable qualities which you possess. Qualities which an emotionally healthy person will desire from you. Let them do their little discard phase or leave them and then be happy.


They will never contribute anything good to you or your life. They have no capability to build, so their only other option is to destroy. You may look at the narcissist now and think that they are so good looking. Or you remember the fake personality and positive vibe they displayed to you in beginning of the relationship. But you are going to see things differently within a few weeks and especially after a few months. You might see a picture of them in a few months and you're going to be wondering what you ever saw in them. I'm not just talking about physical looks, although they do tend to let themselves go and stop taking care of themselves. These people are boring and empty, they can't even hold a conversation, and even if they could it would just be about themselves. They are low quality people who have nothing to offer. You might not see it now, because you are blinded by the love and fake personality which they originally showed you. In time you will see them for what they really are.

They are always worse off after they leave you, although they will always try to create an illusion that they are doing better. This is all part of their manipulation. The narcissist never moves on, they are always thinking about you. If they see you trying to move on, they will even stalk you months or even years after the relationship. It becomes an obsession, they don't know how to stop thinking about you. You must work on your self-love. Following a narcissistic relationship, you are likely to be self-love deficient.



I would recommend healing any childhood traumas which have led you to be attracted to the narcissist. You were involved with the narcissist because they found a vulnerability or an opportunity to create a vulnerability within you. Narcissists are not attracted to emotionally healthy people. Create boundaries, work towards self-love and don't worry about the narcissist.


They will see this new you with self-esteem, self-love and self-respect and they won't want to deal with you any more. It's too difficult to target an emotionally healthy person, you can't trick or deceive that type of person. They are no longer up to your standards. And if someone doesn't believe they are up to your standards, they are not going to bother contacting you anymore.

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