Narcissists are like children. They will test you. They will try to see what they can get away with. They will test to see how much you are willing to tolerate. So you need to set strong boundaries. You need to recognise your dealbreakers. Maybe you don't want the narcissist to go to a club on their own. Because you fear that they will cheat on you. So don't put up with it. Tell them that you don't want them to go to a club without you or not at all. And if they still persist, you get rid of them. Don't deal with them anymore. Because if you let them cross that boundary, it's only going to get worse. They're just going to push it further and further. Until one day you look at your relationship and you wonder how it got so bad. It's because you tolerated their behaviour. You allowed it to happen. If you had left at the earliest opportunity, they wouldn't have been able to do that. If the narcissist cheats on you or even tries to cheat on you, you have to get rid of them. Because if you tolerate that, it's only going to get worse. You shouldn't have anything to do with something that is against what you believe in. If it's not something that you like or agree with, you need to stay away from it.
That's why you need to recognise what is a dealbreaker for you. But be aware that when you recognise your dealbreakers, the narcissist will sense this. And they will test you. They will see if they can get under your skin. And that's when you need to cut it off. You need to put an end to it. Because they're like children and you're their teacher. You have to teach them how to treat you. Or else they will act unruly and undisciplined. They will be out of control. Because they have no direction. Don't even argue with them. Don't feed into it. You have to let them know that if they do something that you don't like, you're done. The relationship is over. And if they value anything about the relationship, that will keep them in line. They will be on their best behaviour. And this is what narcissists need in their lives. They need direction. They need boundaries to keep them in check. But if they think that you're going to put up with it or even that you're going to argue about it. It's more likely that they will continue to cross your boundaries. If they think that they can get away with it, they're going to keep doing it. And it's just never going to stop. Because that's just how narcissists are. They're like children. You have to teach them how to treat you. There's a reason why people don't put their hands in a fire. Because they know they're going to get burned. They know it's going to hurt. And they're not going to be able to talk their way out of it. They can't explain to the fire that they were just joking. If they put their hands in the fire, they may never be able to use their hands again. So they're going to refrain from touching it. They will stop themselves. They will evade it at all costs.
They will stay away from it. Because they know that there's no way they're going to be able to talk their way out of the consequences and effects of their actions. Which is why the narcissist needs to know that if they cross that line, you're going to end the relationship. They need to know that you're never going to put up with it. Because if that fire is always lit and there's no way for them to talk their way out of it. They're going to stay far away from it. But if you haven't set that boundary or they think that they can talk their way out of it... If they think that they're not going to be burned. They're going to touch it. When you're involved with a narcissist, they will push your buttons. They will see what works. They will see what gets a response from you. Because when they're pushing your buttons, they're hoping to get a pleasurable response. Which will be painful for you. So you need to flip it around on them. You need to ensure that when they push that button, they get the shock of their life. You need to ensure that they regret pushing it.
So that they never do it again. Because that's the only way that they're going to learn. If they push your buttons and you just sit back and tolerate it, they're never going to respect you. This behaviour is going to continue. And it's going to get even worse. If they cross that line and you argue with them or shout at them, but you don't actually do anything. They will know that they can get away with whatever they want. It's just going to get worse until you end up more miserable than if you had left them at the earliest opportunity.
It's not enough to forgive the narcissist. Because when you do that, they're just going to hurt you even more. Take away your hope. Stop expecting things to change. If they've done it once and you let them get away with it, they're going to do it again. It's just going to go on and on. Until you feel like less and less of a human being.