Narcissists Use Conversations To Obtain Supply. When a narcissist starts a conversation with you, they always have a hidden agenda. They have hidden intentions or motives. These hidden intentions or motives could be different depending on whether you are a positive source of supply or a negative source of supply to the narcissist. If you are in the love bombing phase, you will be a positive source of supply. In this situation, the narcissist will see you as someone who is attractive or useful in some way.
They will interact with you with the hidden intention or motive of getting your attention and admiration. They might display something of value or significance to you for you to compliment them. Or they might compliment you first, while expecting them to compliment them in return. This is all designed to feed their ego, boost their self-esteem and regulate their emotions. It may seem as though they are interested in you, but really they are just using you as a positive source of supply.
If you are in the devaluation or discard phase, you will be a negative source of supply to the narcissist. In this situation, the narcissist will see you as being unattractive or useless. They will always have an agenda when they are interacting with you, but when you are a negative source of supply, it won't always be hidden. The narcissist will use the conversation to emotionally or psychologically abuse you. They will start arguments or intentionally disagree with you for this sole purpose.
The narcissist doesn't care about what you have to say, they just want to use the conversation to get their rocks off. They will use the conversation to unload all of their misery and negativity on to you. If you try to ask a question or make a point, they will talk over you. They don't care about you, it's all about them. It's all about them releasing the painful negative emotions that they feel inside. They will push and provoke you until you react to them. Until you express the very emotions that they are trying to project on to you.
Then they will appear to be calm or relieved. Because they have just used you as a tool to regulate their emotions. The narcissist's motive in a conversation is to emotionally or psychologically abuse you. Their whole agenda is to obtain supply - attention and admiration from you. Notice how drained you feel once the conversation with the narcissist is over. You might have felt so happy and positive before the conversation. Pay attention to how you feel, it is a clear indicator whether you are dealing with a narcissist or a toxic person.
If you were interacting with someone who is emotionally healthy or functional, you will not feel drained and lifeless after the conversation. You would not feel any confusion or uncertainty. You would not feel as though you have just been abused, or as though you have just had your reality altered. Emotionally healthy, functional people will not target your emotions, they will not put you down to make themselves feel as though they are above you. If you want to know how a person feels within, pay attention to how they are trying to get you to feel.
Notice how when you are around a person who is genuinely happy or contented, it's very contagious. It's the same thing with narcissists, their emotions are contagious too. If you start feeling negative emotions around them, such as hatred or anger, you may be dealing with a narcissist or toxic person. When you are interacting with a narcissist, they will often say things that are irrelevant or don't really make any sense. The reason for this is that the narcissist is only looking for things they can use to obtain supply.
If you question them or confront them, or if you are trying to reach a resolution with the narcissist, they will quickly change the subject or end the conversation. They are going to admit to what they are trying to do or reveal their hidden intentions or motives. They want to continue doing what they are doing. It helps to feed their ego, boost their self-esteem and regulate their emotions. It sustains them, it's keeping them going. They don't want it to end.
Narcissists don't really like serious or deep conversations. It makes it very difficult for them to obtain supply. They prefer small talk, or they like to hold the conversation on their own, while you listen to what they have to say, while they observe your reactions. It feeds them, it makes them feel alive. They are fascinated by how you react to them, because they don't react in that natural, unconditioned way. Everything they do is scripted or taken from someone else. They will often observe how you interact and use it to appear more natural in conversations.
When you are talking to a narcissist, and you reference an expert or professional, or any factual information or statistics. They will be quick to dispute and criticize the experts or professionals, especially if the information or statistics go against what they want to believe. Or if the information or statistics is less favorable for them or against them. Narcissists want to believe what they want to believe, not what is proven or truthful. They will manipulate information to suit their own logic, which isn't logical at all. They will even rewrite the past to suit their own ideas or beliefs.
In their minds, it makes sense, even if it defies all logic in reality. Narcissists live in their own fantasy world, where they can do or say whatever they like. If it makes sense to them, it should make sense to you. That's how they see it. They create a crazy world where nothing makes any sense, and they expect you to conform to their craziness and start seeing things in the distorted way that they do. You can talk about logic and facts to them all day, it doesn't make any sense to them.
They are living in an alternate reality where logic, rules and the laws of science have a completely different interpretation. You cannot make sense of their reality unless you enter it yourself, and by doing that you will only become crazy like them. When you are regularly interacting with a narcissist, you will start to become more like them. You will begin to see the world in the way that they do. They will force their reinterpretations or distorted meanings on to you and expect you to see it in the same way.
While you are conversing with them, everything may seem fine, and they are understanding the reinterpretations or distorted meanings that you have adopted from them. But once you leave them and go into the real world with these alternate meanings or interpretations, you realize that it's not compatible with the real world. It is not compatible with anyone who is logical or reasoning. Narcissists are not compatible with the real world. They always try to bring you into their world. And that's why the world is the way it is today.
Logic and reasoning will always defeat the narcissist. They have to get you to play on their field with their rules and regulations. They have to get around your logic and reasoning and affect you emotionally. Logic is fixed, emotions are more flexible. So if they can get you to emotionally react, suddenly the truth isn't so fixed. It's adjustable to their liking. And that's exactly how the narcissist wants it to be. They don't want to adjust themselves to the world, they want the world to adjust to them.
They expect everyone to change to suit their needs. And many people do. But what happens when someone doesn't adjust to them or be the way that they want them to be. They are alienated. Smear campaigns are created, flying monkeys are enforced. Because they can't stand it. They can't stand independent thinkers, they can't stand people who have their own thoughts and ideas. They want everyone to adopt their thoughts and ideas because they are more beneficial or favorable for them.