Narcissists Are Parasites. First, I am going to start with a definition of what a parasite is. A parasite is an organism that lives on another organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other's expense. This is exactly what narcissists do. Narcissists live as empaths or codependents. They benefit by extracting or obtaining nutrients from us. A nutrient is a substance which provides nourishment essential for the narcissist's maintenance. Not for their growth, as narcissists do not grow.
They do not get better by extracting or obtaining nutrients from us, they only get worse. It provides them with temporary relief. It provides them with a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from their anxiety or distress. Furthermore, it calms or comforts them temporarily, but it never sustains them. Because the nutrients which they extract from us are not meant for their consumption. Initially it may provide them with a feeling of reassurance and relaxation.
But over time, it interacts with them in a way where it doesn't benefit them. The initial feeling of reassurance and relaxation is part of a process, It's like they are taking a drug. They may have a craving for a certain drug, they might have a powerful desire to interact with you and extract whatever nutrients you may have to offer. And upon interacting with you and extracting these nutrients, it may satisfy them initially. It may meet their expectations, needs or desires.
But over time it begins to have a negative effect on them. Now I'm going to talk about what kind of nutrients the narcissist is desiring to extract from you. Like any parasite, the narcissist attaches itself to you to extract specific nutrients which will initially benefit them in some way. These nutrients may be your attention, validation, approval, admiration and affection. They will use your empathy to validate them. They will feed off your positive energy. Likewise, they will force you to submit to their needs of being dominant over you. They want to have power, influence and control. They want a sense of superiority over you. Furthermore, they will target your self-worth, self-esteem, self-assurance, self belief and self-respect to make themselves feel as though they are bigger and better than you, or they are more valuable and significant.
Of course, their actions and behaviors are very contradictory to their exaggerated perceptions of themselves and what they are trying to get you to believe about them. They are dependent on you, by nature, to regulate their self-esteem and their emotions. They need you to validate them. If they were alone, their true beliefs about themselves would be revealed. The nutrients which they extract from you are used to regulating their false selves. Without these nutrients, you would then see the real person, who is smaller and weaker than you could ever imagine.
That's why they so desperately pursue these nutrients or narcissistic supply. Without them, you would quickly discover that the narcissist is scared and traumatized. They are hiding behind the grandiose mask of their false selves. This is why on the surface they may appear to be so contradictory or inconsistent. They might say or imply something and then do something else. They might indicate the truth or existence of something by suggestion and then do something which is not in line with what they previously indicated.
This is because the person beneath the mask is very different to what they are portraying themselves to be. And this mask is used to cover up the real person who is deeply insecure and has an inferiority complex. They believe that they are not meant to be loved, this is what was programmed into their minds as children by their narcissistic parent. This later developed into an inner dialogue or inner critic. For more information on this, please watch my video "Trying To Explain To The Narcissist".
The way that narcissists think is that if they cannot be loved, they better be hated. By being hated, they can still be the center of everything. They don't consider how this might affect you, they are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They only think of themselves, without the feelings or desires of anyone else. This is why you will see a lot of attention-seeking behavior from them. Doing anything they can to get your attention, at all costs. And they will intentionally try to hurt you.
The way they see it is that if they have to experience daily misery, pain and suffering from their inner dialogue or inner critic. If they have to experience daily dissatisfaction and nonfullfilment, where nothing is ever enough for them. Then so should you. And that's why they will go out of their way to hurt you, they will go out of their way to ruin whatever it is you've got going on. They know that they are doomed. They know that they are predestined to experience nothing but misery, pain and suffering. So what motive or incentive do they have to act right for?
They want to experience happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment. This is why they become so parasitic. They are like buckets with a leak at the bottom, and yet they expect you to fill it for them. Impossible. No matter how much you try to satisfy the narcissist, it will never sustain them. Like parasites, they attach themselves to you, the host. And use you to regulate their self-worth, self-esteem and emotions. But this is supposed to be regulated from within. Narcissists don't want to look within, they don't want to self reflect. They are doing everything they can to avoid doing that, because it's too painful for them.
They are shame based individuals trying to dodge the shame. Trying to avoid reflecting on the shame which they feel. This is why they are so persistently pursuing people to obtain narcissistic supply or a sense of worth. A sense of power and control. They will engage in escapism daily. They have a tendency to seek some form of distraction from their undesirable reality. You will often see them seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy, as reality and the truth of the situation is too painful for them to deal with.
They will also have an addiction to something. Whether it's prescription drugs, gambling, shopping, pornography, sex, social media, video games or food. Narcissists always have some form of addiction. For more information on this topic, please check out my video "Narcissists & Addictions". The comparison of narcissists to parasites doesn't stop at feeding. Parasites can alter the brain and the behavior of its host to help to fulfill vital parts of the parasite's life cycle.
And it's exactly the same with narcissists. Narcissists will control the brains of their victims by devaluing and degrading them. Publicly humiliating and exploiting them. Using manipulative tactics such as denial, projection, blame shifting, gaslighting and the double bind. Over time, this will alter your brain and your behavior. It will affect your thought process and your emotions. Which then affect your actions and behaviors. Your self-worth, self-esteem, self-assurance, self belief and self-respect.
As the victim of a narcissist, you can expect your reality to be distorted. Narcissists are skilled at orchestrating the reality around them by enforcing flying monkeys and creating smear campaigns. They only associate with people who are dysfunctional like them. People who will support their delusions and distorted perceptions of you. Anyone who does not comply to this distorted way of thinking will be rejected. So over time, the narcissist ends up with a team of like-minded dysfunctional people whose only purpose is to target you. For more information on this, check out my playlist of videos, "Flying Monkeys & The Smear Campaign".
Narcissists are parasites. They live off you, the host, and benefit by deriving nutrients at your expense. These nutrients are used to nourish them, and they do initially. But over time it has a negative effect. As it never sustains them, and they soon realize that they cannot possess the nutrients which you possess. They cannot sustain the same level of self-worth or emotional stability. They cannot possess the same qualities, talents or positive traits as you. And this is where their pathological envy and jealousy comes in.
As everything good about you triggers them to reflect on all of their faults, mistakes, flaws or imperfections. Their weaknesses, vulnerabilities or insecurities. This is when the relationship will move from the love bombing phase to the devaluation phase. And then you will see the real person beneath the mask. The weak, miserable person who can never be satisfied or fulfilled. This is when they will begin to project these feelings of misery or weakness on to you. They will try to restrict or limit your satisfaction and fulfillment in some way. I could go a lot deeper into this, but I think this is enough. I think this enough to help you to understand the similar aspects of a narcissist and a parasite.