Narcissists Are Not Self-Sufficient. The definition of a person who is self-sufficient is someone who requires no outside help in satisfying their basic needs. Narcissists are emotionally and intellectually dependent on other people. They do not engage in any independent critical thinking or reflection about society. They require endless emotional support, as they do not attend to their own emotional state. They will act on their emotions by abusing someone or putting them down, using them to regulate their emotions.
They do not self reflect or look within, they depend on other people to manage or control their emotions. Because narcissists are not self sufficient, they are very concerned with other people's opinions of them. They are very vulnerable to perceived disrespect, whether real or imagined. A perceived criticism could cause them severe psychological pain, known as a narcissistic injury. This will be followed by narcissistic rage, which could then lead to them taking revenge on you.
They will then use you to regulate their emotions. If they can treat you with contempt or disrespect, they can then feel a lot better about themselves. Since they do not self reflect, they cannot regulate their emotions. From the first narcissistic injury onwards they will have it in for you after that. They will continue returning to you, the perceived source of their psychological pain. And then use you to regulate the emotions which they believe you have caused. This can go on for years or even entire lifetimes, as these emotions never go away.
They become heavily dependent on you and will always return to you, the perceived source of their psychological pain. Treating you with contempt or disrespect, to constantly reaffirm the distorted belief in their minds, that they are more worthy or deserving of respect, more valuable or considerable. Of course they don't really believe that, which is why they become so dependent on you. They have to treat you with contempt or disrespect to improve the credibility of this belief.
It may appear as though they are trying to prove this to you, but really they are trying to prove it to themselves. Their abusive actions and behaviours make them feel as though they are more worthy or deserving of respect, more valuable or considerable. But really this is just to compensate for how they really feel and if you want to know how a person feels, pay attention to how they are trying to make you feel. They have very low self esteem and feel as though they are not enough.
So if they can disrespect you or make you feel as though you are worthless or beneath consideration, it makes them feel better about themselves. It makes them feel as though they are more worthy or deserving of respect, more valuable or considerable. Narcissists are heavily dependent on other people for attention, validation, approval and admiration. They will often engage in attention seeking behaviour, including inappropriately seductive behaviour and they have an addiction to drama. This all comes from their self hatred and low self esteem.
They feel as though they are not good enough or they are insignificant. But they want to feel valuable and important. So they require excessive attention, validation, approval and admiration. They will even go out of their way with attention seeking behaviour to convince themselves that they are good enough, they are significant, even if their beliefs or impressions are contradicted by reality. Like a child who is unable to attend to themselves, they will demand your attention.
Narcissists need people to constantly attend to them, validate and approve of them and admire them. They are arrogant and feel entitled. Just because they want you, they expect you to give in and let them have you. They feel entitled to your attention, your conversation, your body, mind and soul. Through this they are able to extract your energy. When you are interacting or conversing with a person, it is a transaction of energy. Narcissists take advantage of this and use your energy to sustain them.
They are not self-sufficient in energy, so they need your energy to keep them going. A self-sufficient person has the desire and ability to determine their own path in life and to make their own decisions, rather than having their life choices made by other people. Narcissists need constant feedback, constant reassurance. They are not willing to go against the expectations of other people, if it means that they will face shame or ridicule. They fall in line with the groupthink mentality.
This is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within in a group of people, in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision making outcome. You may notice this with the narcissist's flying monkeys or their smear campaigns. This is something I will discuss in a future video. Narcisissists use alcohol or drugs as a form of escapism, which is a tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities.
Many narcissists use alcohol because of its self-inflating effect. Alcohol makes people feel more special and important than they actually are. They are inauthentic people. They mirror you or appeal to your own ideals. Because they are dependent on what you think about them. Your opinions are very significant and important to them. They can often come across as dishonest or misleading as they are always trying to impress people, always trying to be what other people want to see.
They are not prepared to risk being disliked or unappreciated by speaking truthfully. They have a need to impress other people, which leads them to always being what people want to see, rather than being authentic. They lack inner stability. When confronting obstacles in life they lose control of their feelings and experience dramatic changes. They are deeply affected by events that happen outside of them, even events that have nothing personally to do with them.
They lack self assurance, so anything outside of them could potentially disturb their sense of contentment. This is why they require constant validation and reassurance from other people. Narcissists are always focused on what everyone else is doing or where everyone else is going, rather than what they need to accomplish that day. Their thought process is dependent on other people's actions and behaviours. Which leads them to not be authentic, original or self-sufficient.
They adopt the characteristics, personality traits, actions and behaviours of everyone around them and then assume that it's really who they are. When they have lost themselves by focusing significant importance on other people's actions or behaviours, rather than what they need to accomplish. Narcissists are like sheep, they do not feel comfortable or safe without the flock. They need familiarity. They cannot have an independent thought, belief, action or behaviour which is outside of the group. Which can often lead to them engaging in things which are against their best interest.
Because they are so dependent on the group and cannot have an independent thought, belief, action or behaviour. They lose sight of their own individuality. They require excessive attention, validation, approval and admiration. Constant reassurance from other people. Rather than attending to or validating themselves. And this is what causes them to be whatever people want them to be or whatever the group wants them to be. Rather than who they really are.
They cannot maintain themselves by independent effort or without external support. This can have devastating effects on you. As because they are self absorbed and lack empathy, they will drain you of your energy and resources. Using them to meet their own needs and leaving you unable to meet yours. This can completely change you as a person. You may develop low self esteem or low self assurance. As you are always going along with the beliefs or expectations of the narcissist, rather than what you believe or expect fromyourself.
Narcissists are pathologically envious and jealous of anyone or anything that might satisfy your needs. Any human interaction or stimulation, any resources. This is why they will often assassinate your character at the end of the relationship. They will enforce flying monkeys and create smear campaigns. Due to their pathological envy and jealousy of what you could potentially achieve or obtain after they are gone.
Whatever you have or however you feel reflects on what they have or how they feel. And because they cannot get the same fulfilment, you must have less than them or you must feel worse than they do. That's why during the relationship you may have experienced many limitations or restrictions on who you could see, where you could go or what you could do. These limitations or restrictions are essential to prevent any narcissistic injuries.
Because whatever you have or however you feel reflects on what they have or how they feel. If you have something, they focus on what they lack. If you are happy, they feel miserable. The narcissist may expect you to conform to their rules and regulations which may satisfy their needs, but go against your best interest or prevent you from being your authentic self. They may expect you to comply to certain standards, which affect the standard you might otherwise expect from yourself.
This results in you neglecting yourself, neglecting the person you really are and aligning to whatever the narcissist wants or expects you to be. Many victims of narcissistic abuse become lost, an empty shell of who they used to be. For more information on this topic, check out my video "The Narcissist Will Erase You At A Core Level".
Narcissists need people to constantly attend to them, validate and approve of them and admire them. They do not engage in any independent critical thinking or reflection about society. They do not self reflect or look within, they depend on other people to manage or control their emotions.
You are self-sufficient. You do not require outside help in satisfying your basic needs. You do not depend on other people to manage or control your emotions. You are emotionally and intellectually independent. You attend to your own emotional state. You self reflect and look within. You have the desire and ability to determine your own path in life and to make your own decisions.