Narcissists Are Like Emotional Toddlers. Have you ever noticed how their narcissistic rage or narcissistic injury appears to be like a toddler's temper tantrum? I believe that there is a reason for this. The narcissist is emotionally undeveloped and immature. They have these temper tantrums or hissy fits, which are basically emotional outbursts. They have emotional outbursts because they are in emotional distress. Of course, this is completely normal for a young child or toddler. They do not have the emotional development or capabilities to self-reflect, look within and resolve their emotional distress.
That is why nature has assigned parental roles to help them manage their emotional distress and outbursts. Once the child grows up however, they should be able to deal with these emotions on their own or at least in the correct and mature way. An emotionally healthy adult will self-reflect, look within and resolve their emotional distress. If they have difficulties doing this, they will seek therapy, or they will talk to someone maturely. They might explain the cause of their emotional distress and then decide how they are going to manage and resolve it.
Their emotional distress will be managed using a therapeutic method which has been established as being the correct and official procedure. The child or toddler cannot do this, and this is perfectly understandable and acceptable. They do not have the emotional capabilities or development to self-reflect and resolve their emotional distress on their own. But in a modern and civilized society, we understand that adults do have the capabilities to do this. However, the narcissist chooses to not self-reflect or look within themselves.
They twist the blame because they are emotionally undeveloped and immature, like toddlers. They cannot accept responsibility or accountability for their actions. Only if there are multiple people blaming the narcissist, will they then give in, if it risks their reputation or image by continuing to deny responsibility for what they have done. Sometimes the narcissist may genuinely believe that you are to blame, and then they may later discover that they got it wrong. In this situation they will continue to pretend as though you are still to blame.
If they do not, they will have to accept that they got it wrong, and that is an injury that no narcissist can bear. So what do they do? They will continue to put the blame on you, making you believe it, even convincing themselves that you are to blame even when you are not. Enforcing their flying monkeys and creating a smear campaign also helps to disguise the fact that you are not to blame and removes most of the guilt the narcissist might otherwise feel, as they are no longer the only ones blaming the victim.
Some narcissists feel very guilty and even shameful to blame the victim on their own, and this is another reason why they bring in the flying monkeys. If other people are doing it too, they don't feel so bad. Regardless of this, the shame grows within them. Shame is what drives their disorder. Along with their hate, anger, envy and jealousy of you. Why is the narcissist this way? Why are they as emotionally undeveloped and immature as a toddler? In most cases, the root cause of this happened in their childhood. They experienced a form of abuse, neglect or other traumatic situation. This has left their emotional development arrested at a very young age.
In some cases the abuse, neglect or traumatic event could happen later on in their lives. There can also be a mixture of both childhood and adult traumas. The narcissist is prone to having these temper tantrums and emotional outbursts. Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injuries. Not the kind of behavior you would expect from a grown man or woman. It is shocking and disturbing. It is embarrassing and shameful. Yet they do not accept any responsibility or accountability for their behavior. Because their emotional development is arrested at the age of a toddler.
They deny their words, actions and behaviors - they gaslight you. They blame-shift and project their insecurities on to you. It's like they see you as their parent. Like the emotionally undeveloped and immature toddler, they expect you to hold the parental role and take responsibility and accountability for their behaviors. You are not dealing with a grown man or woman. You are dealing with an adult-sized child. They have adapted their personality and character to being a big child and the world is their playground.
They don't take anything seriously, everything is a joke to them. Furthermore, they run and hide from serious situations and prefer to play with their toys instead. They have no respect or understanding of boundaries and privacy. Emotionally immature people do not recognise boundaries. They are self-absorbed and only care about themselves. I am going to read a quote from Veronica Welles, who studied Psychology at the University of Melbourne. It is quite long, but it has greatly resonated with my experiences from these individuals, and I am sure it will give you knowledge and understanding of the disorder.
"Apart from narcissistic injury, a narcissist can never take anything seriously. This is what lies at the core of their vexatious nature, they have a compulsively childish take on everything. Everything is secretly a joke to them. It is this inability to ever take anything seriously that lies at their duplicity, because an earnest, authentic person experiences difficulty at being duplicitous, and this difficulty increases with the level of authenticity. Duplicitous role playing is difficult for authentic, no nonsense people.
The situation is different for a narcissist, they only role-play because they only function from their masks or false selves. They are always playing with everything, including with your impression of them, and even with themselves. Instead of a solid identity, they have play, identity itself is a game for them. The game does not stop when you get hurt, because the game never stops, and it never ends. The game must go on, lying endlessly and playing with your feelings. Nothing is real. There is never an occasion to take things seriously. But making merry is not the only form of play, being horrid and hurting things is also a form of play, and so is making merry at causing hurt.
When you see them acting like children, you are seeing the closest thing to their true selves. This mask of the child lies at the deepest level and is the final door that guards what’s truly inside them. But the child mask is still also just play, it is still not truly themselves, it is playing with your nurturing emotions, playing at being cute and adorable, playing at sucking all attention for themselves, playing with denial of the fact that they are not children, and playing with the pretense that they are too childlike to take responsibility. The child mask is the true reflection of the insincerity that lies at their core, and is their statement to the world that they reject the decency and thoughtfulness that is the requirement of being an adult. This is also why so many of them are jokers and comedians. You get away with so much more if you refuse to be serious." Wow, what an accurate and beautifully written description of the narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissists are extremely dysfunctional and emotionally unstable people. They are completely broken inside, where the only thing they know how to do is abuse and manipulate, deceive and trick. Without a victim, they would probably go insane. Because then they would have to focus on their own minds, their own mess, and that's just too much to deal with for the narcissist. This is why they are so focused on you, focused on sabotaging and destroying your life. Because they cannot do anything great with their lives. They are hopeless, helpless and don't even want to waste their time trying to focus on their own lives.
They feel as though they have a better chance at sabotaging your life than doing anything with theirs. Which then gives them the illusion that they are doing well. If this was not the case and if the narcissist really believed they had something going on and could do something with their lives. They wouldn't waste a second of their time abusing or manipulating you. They would be too preoccupied with their own lives. But really they have nothing going on. They have no self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect or self-belief, they have no self.
No self to focus on. If there's no self to focus on, they require an external source. The narcissist can never self-reflect or look within, abusing you is a distraction from their inner selves. It is a coping mechanism and a defense mechanism. A post-traumatic stress response. Everything is a little game to them, which they have to win. Everything is a joke. They cannot take anything seriously unless it benefits them in some way. I hope that this video has provided you with greater knowledge and understanding of the narcissist.
I did my best to compare the narcissists with toddlers, rather than compare the toddlers with narcissists. Of course, that would be an unfair comparison, since the toddler has not had adequate time to develop their emotional maturity. The sad thing is, there are plenty of toddlers out there who are more mature and understanding than these narcissists.