I haven't really spoken about my personal experiences that much. I've talked a lot about narcissistic parents, narcissists in the environment, and gang stalkers. But I haven't really spoken that much about the ex narcissist. The relationship ended around 14 months ago.
Since then I have been bombarded with gang stalkers trying to imitate her, dressing like her. This is all day, every day for the past 14 months. I think it's because I had some issues back then, the ex narcissist drained the life out of me, and then I attempted suicide. As I was recovering the ex narcissist hoovered me several times, told me it was "attention-seeking" and claimed that she slept with five other men and also had another boyfriend while she was with me. I do believe that she was groomed by the gang stalkers to act in this way. I don't think any of this was true, but I'm at a point now where I don't even care about the truth. So anyway, after the relationship had ended I was bombarded with gang stalkers who would imitate her or try to remind me of her in some way. They would wear similar clothing and display this to me.
There would also be men always claiming that they know her or had some form of intimate contact with her. Her nickname was "Mini" and as the gang stalkers became aware of this, they started following me around and waiting for me in Minis, the car. It was very obsessive, this is just a quick summary of everything I have dealt with over the past 14 months. I didn't let the abuse get to me, instead, the abuse actually reminded me of all the good times I once shared with her. Since then I have learned that narcissists hate to love because they are not capable of operating on those higher emotional vibrational frequencies. Anyone who displays something that they cannot experience will cause a narcissistic injury. They become extremely envious and jealous of you and the relationship. While being away from her I have had time to recover. I feel so much better now, my head is clearer. Even though I have been obsessively stalked and harassed by the gang stalkers since the end of the relationship. I remember a time when we were both at the beach and it was raining, yet there were gang stalkers cycling past who were clearly there at that time and place just to stalk us. At the time she said they must be crazy, but over time they managed to groom her into accepting their beliefs and perceptions of the situation. Although the relationship ended badly and I attempted suicide, I don't regret any of that or wish I could change it. It made me who I am now and I gained so much knowledge and experience. Now I am able to help 1000s of people who are going through a similar situation.
I am at a place now where I have forgiven her for everything she has done. I am at a place of acceptance. I do not hold any grudges or resentment towards her. Even though she tried to kill me twice, I honestly only wish the best for her. I hope that she does move on and find someone who will care for her. If she knew that, it would probably only wind her up even more. But of course, we know that narcissists can't just move on. And they never find genuine love or happiness, it's just not possible. You can never reach those higher frequencies when you are constantly tearing people down. You also need to self-reflect and accept the truth. These are all things that narcissists cannot do. If I could go back in time so I had never met her, would I do that? No, definitely not. We shared some really amazing experiences and made some memories that I will never forget. Even if it wasn't real, it felt real to me at the time. And I'm not going to lie, even now I still think about her. I still miss her hugs and the way she used to look into my eyes when she would kiss me. Sure I do miss that. I am at a place of acceptance now and I know it's not good to resist the truth or deny my true feelings. But when I reminisce it's always the person I met in the beginning. Towards the end of the relationship, she changed completely. She displays an abusive, manipulative, and even aggressive personality. She was very emotionally abusive. Every conversation was used as an opportunity to hurt me in some way through her pathological lying. I can understand if you still reminisce on the good times with the narcissist. That's normal and if you are not thinking about them, it is possible that you are suppressing these emotions. And although, as I've said, I do miss her in some way. I haven't contacted her because I know nothing is going to change. They might be alright in the beginning, but soon enough the abuse and manipulation will come back.
That's what you have to remember. There have been times where I wished I could just talk to her again and maybe work things out. But then I remember, narcissists do not want a resolution. They like dysfunctional relationships, that's what they experienced as children. And if you go back to the narcissist, you are just giving them an opportunity to emotionally abuse you even more and finish the job. Because that's all they are going to do. They do not value the same qualities as we do. We want love, intimacy, honesty, loyalty, trust, and understanding. Narcissists want to control, dominate, and suffering. They do not want to make you happy, they do not want to make you feel good. And how a person is trying to make you feel, is exactly how they feel on the inside. Do you want to be around a person who doesn't feel good? And this is why I have never acted on the thought of contacting her again. Because I know that the nature of this disorder is that they do not want a resolution, they do not want to change their abusive and manipulative ways. They want to change you in a way that you will accept everything they do to you and even take responsibility for that.
Over the past 14 months, from leaving the narcissist I have redeveloped the amazing qualities I once had. I experience real happiness and joy. I have raised my emotional vibrational frequency. I have redeveloped self-worth, self-esteem, self-assurance, self-respect, and self-belief. I have been practicing self-love.
So I am at a place now where the ex narcissist would be repelled by me anyway. They don't want to be around people who are on such a high frequency that they have to work to pull them down. And now that I have reached this level, I can see that she doesn't really have much to offer me anyway. All of the positive qualities I have now, she has the opposite. Narcissists are attracted to other people who have low self-worth, low self-esteem, low self-assurance, low self-respect, and low self-belief. People who are also self-hating or self love deficient. That's how the Human Magnet Syndrome works. So the ex narcissist is attracted to the exact opposite of everything I am. What I want in a relationship, she desires the opposite. I hope that you can learn something from this reading. I've done my best to explain the exact process that is going on in my mind if I ever think of her and feel like contacting her again. Once you have reached a place of acceptance and forgiveness, you will understand and accept that nothing will ever change. But that doesn't mean that you can't reminisce on the good times you had at the beginning of the relationship. I had to grieve that person as though she died and she will always have a place in my heart. Even if that was just a false character designed to lure me in.