Towards the end of the relationship, especially following the discard phase. The narcissist will become disinterested in you. They believe that they have seen everything that you have to offer and now they are bored of you. When they know that they've got you and you are not going anywhere, they will always take you for granted. They only make an effort when they are trying to secure you as a source of supply. Other than that, they will do as little as possible and expect you to do everything for them. If they know that you are always going to be around and they will always have access to your services, whether they make an effort
with you or not, why would they make an effort with you? The narcissist will only make an effort when they are trying to secure you as a source of supply. If they know that they have got you and you're not going anywhere, there is no need to make an effort, because they know you will always be there.
To make the narcissist obsessed with you, you first need to understand how narcissists think. Did you notice how once the narcissist knew that you were interested in them and they had secured you as a source of supply? This is when the relationship moved from the love-bombing phase to the devaluation phase. This is when they begin to lose interest in you. This is when they begin to devalue you. If they actually chose to continue the relationship as it was, rather than devaluing you, I believe that they could have fallen in love with you for real. But of course, that cannot happen, once they begin to see you in this negative way. Once they realise that you are interested in them, you suddenly go from being all good to all bad. Although you may not have changed in any way. As I said, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. I am going to remind you of the negative qualities or traits which narcissists possess. They are shame-based individuals. They are self-hating. They have low self worth, low self esteem, low self assurance, low self belief and low self respect. They are very insecure and have an inferiority complex. Now connect these negative qualities or traits to how they feel once they realise that you are interested in them or that you love them. Once they become aware that you are interested in them or that you desire to have a future with them. They suddenly become disinterested and choose to devalue you. Or at least this is how it appears to you. You may think that the narcissist is no longer interested in you, no longer attracted to you. But this is actually an illusion. It has nothing to do with you personally.
The narcissist is not attracted to people who are interested in them. As soon as they realise that you have an interest in them or you are attracted to them. That is when they will see the grass being greener on the other side. Not because they are not interested in you, or not attracted to you as a person. But because they are not interested or attracted to people who feel that way about them. As soon as you show any form of interest or love in the narcissist, it will be met with hate, anger and disinterest from them. You may think to yourself, why are they so full of hatred and anger? Why are they being passive aggressive when I am showing interest or love in them? Your interest or love for them triggers them to reflect on all of their insecurities, flaws and imperfections. Because narcissists are deeply ashamed of themselves. They hate themselves. They do not believe that they possess any value, they do not believe in themselves or respect themselves. They are deeply insecure. So in their minds, if you are interested in them, there must be something seriously wrong with you. Not because they see something negative within you. But because you are interested in them, you are attracted to them. The narcissist believes that they are not meant to be loved. So when you try to show love to the narcissist, it only triggers them to reflect on their own insecurities and negative traits. They reflect on all of their undesirable qualities and think in their minds, "How could you love that?" They also believe that at some point in the relationship, you are going to come to your senses. You are going to realize how unloveable they truly are. You are not going to accept all of their flaws and insecurities. From the moment they first met you, they already knew that there would be an expiration date on your relationship. Because in their minds there is just no way that anyone could love or accept them. That's why they created the false character, the illusions. That's why they use manipulative tactics like denial, projection, blame-shifting and gaslighting. Because they know all too well that with all of their insecurities, flaws and negative traits. There is no way that anyone could truly love or accept them. It's not that they are not attracted to you or interested in you as a person. They are just not interested in anyone who is attracted to them or interested in them. This is why they are always moving from one relationship to the next. Because as soon as a source gets to know them and who they really are, that's when it triggers them to reflect on all of their insecurities, flaws and negative traits. That's when your value goes down and they lose interest in you, because they simply cannot imagine what you could be interested in about them.
At the beginning of the relationship, you didn't really know what they were about. But as you got to know them and still accepted and loved them. That then triggered them to reflect on all of their insecurities, flaws and negative traits and how you cannot possibly be anything great if you are interested in them. They do not like to self reflect or look within themselves and acknowledge all of these insecurities, flaws and negative traits. Their default response is to project them on to you. So now you are seen as being flawed and worthless. When really this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They also have the mindset that the grass is greener on the other side. So they move on to the next person with no empathy for you. Your interest or love for them triggered them to reflect on all of their insecurities, flaws and negative traits. And this overrides any empathy they would otherwise have for you. This voice in their heads is telling them that they are useless, ugly, worthless and insignificant. As a defence mechanism they had to create a false self which is the exact opposite of that. Once you get to know the real person behind the mask, they will be constantly comparing themselves to you and competing with you. All of your positive qualities and traits triggers them to reflect on their insecurities, flaws and negative traits. Remember they see everything in black or white, good or bad and this reflects on how they see themselves. So for them to be the exact opposite of everything their internal dialogue or inner critic is telling them they are, they have to project all of that on to you. And that's how you can go from being the perfect, most amazing person at the beginning of the relationship to being the useless, ugly, worthless and insignificant person in their minds, which is really just a projection of their own internal dialogue or inner critic of themselves.
They like that you keep trying to explain to them. It's giving them narcissistic supply. You are giving them attention, you are making them feel as though they are worth something and significant. They enjoy the arguments. It gives them an opportunity to abuse and manipulate you. They can then distort your reality and suck your energy out of you. It is feeding their ego. They do not want to believe you and even if they did want to believe you their internal dialogue or inner critic which abuses them all day everyday is not going to let them. Their disorder is fixed in such a perfect way, where the exact things that they need to hear from you, the exact things that they need to understand, which would override their internal dialogue or inner critic, are the exact things that the disorder has been programmed to deny and block out the most. So you could try talking to them. You could try getting them to understand your view. You tell them you love them and want to make them happy. The narcissist isn't hearing it. Because the programming of the disorder in their minds does not allow them to hear or understand what you are saying. The exact things that they need to change their lives have been programmed to deny and block the most. Your love for them. Your appreciation of them. Your kindness and understanding. You can tell them you love them as much as you want. It's not going to make any difference. Because the programming in their minds is designed to deny and block that out. All they are hearing is what their internal dialogue or inner critic is telling them. Because they cannot hear or understand the exact things that they need to change. The exact things they so desperately need. They are prone to self sabotage and destroy one relationship after another. This is why they are always so miserable. This is why they are always so hateful and angry towards you. Now you understand how narcissists think. You understand how the attraction process works for them. You understand that they have an internal dialogue or inner critic which blocks or denies any genuine interest or love for their true selves.
Now I am going to explain how you can make the narcissist obsessed with you. First understand that narcissists do not miss or obsess over a person, in the same way that a normal person would. Narcissists won't really miss or obsessed over you as a person. They will miss or obsess over superficial things, such as your physical appearence, image, money, material items or sex. They might also miss or obsess over how you made them feel. Or whatever else you can do for them or give to them. So this is what will preoccupy or fill their minds continually and to a troubling extent. When the narcissist is preparing to discard you or after the discard, you need to practice emotional discipline. Pay attention to your feelings but do not let them control you or how you respond to the narcissist. Let the narcissist have the last word. Do not defend yourself or the relationship. If the narcissist criticises, devalues or degrades you in any way, just agree with them. The narcissist may then test you to see if they can get a reaction, by telling you that the relationship is over or they have met
someone else. Do not react. Do not let your emotions control your response. Speak calmly and say "Ok thank you for telling me. I understand that the relationship is over." or "I understand that you have met someone else". You have to say this as though what they have told you is not hurting or affecting you. This will completely confuse the narcissist. At this point, they were expecting you to be breaking down. Now they are trying to figure out what you are thinking, what you are feeling. Are you sad, angry or happy? The narcissist might try to continue the conversation as an attempt to figure out what's going in your mind and how you are feeling. They are not doing this because they care.
Narcissists are self absorbed and lack empathy. They are trying to find out, because your emotional reaction will give them narcissistic supply. If you express your sadness or anger towards them, they are not going to care. It will only feed them narcissistic supply and make them feel powerful and in control of you and your emotions. When you refuse to give them the emotional reaction they need to obtain narcissistic supply from you, the narcissist experiences a void, they feel empty. They are also confused and wondering why they don't have the power to control you. At this point you now have more power over yourself than the narcissist has over you. They might tell you that you do not care about the relationship or you do not love them. This is just to get you to reveal your thoughts and emotions so that the narcissist can obtain narcissistic supply. Tell the narcissist "I understand that the relationship is over and I wish the best for you". Or if they have told you they have met someone else, just tell them "I hope your new relationship goes well." From here, you go no contact. Remove their number from your phone. Block their number. Block them from all social media accounts. Avoid talking about them to anyone. The narcissist might talk to your friends or family members to find out why you are not talking to them. You do not want the narcissist to think that you are still thinking about them. Do not post anything on social media relating to your relationship with the narcissist. If the narcissist hears that you are talking to someone about them or if they see that you have posted something on social media, this will give them narcissistic supply., It will make them feel powerful as though they are still in control of your emotions.
If you need to talk to someone about what you have experienced in your relationship, there are online support groups and I also offer one on one coaching sessions. So do not talk about the relationship with anyone you know and do not post anything to do with it on social media. Spend plenty of time out of the home, experience new things. Especially things that you couldn't do while you were with the narcissist. Of course I don't mean anything sexual or having a new relationship, as that will just make the narcissist forget about you. But have new experiences and post that on social media. Go the gym, join a fitness class. Some people like to post revealing pictures of their body in some tight yoga pants. But you know what will really make the narcissist miss and obsess over you, if you post a modest picture of yourself in some joggers and a vest, as though you have nothing to prove, yet you still look good. If you go out and start wearing revealing clothing, the narcissist is going to feel as though everyone has seen your body, so it's not like you're really theirs anymore anyway. But if you dress modestly, the narcissist will feel as though you still belong to them. This is going to make it very difficult for them to forget you. And they will continue to miss and obsess over you, until they hear that you have met someone else or had sex with someone else. Once they hear something like that, it's over. They will not miss or obsess over you after that.
So have new experiences. Go to the gym, join a fitness class. Do things that you are passionate about. Try new hobbies and interests. And post pictures of all of these experiences. Nothing will make the narcissist miss or obsess over you more than seeing you out, living your life, being able to move on and still be happy without them. It makes them feel as though they have no control over you or your emotions. As I said do not wear revealing clothes or change your appearence or personality in any way. That's exactly what the narcissist wants to see, so that they can look down on you and call you reckless. Any physical change following the discard will only confirm that they have affected you. If they didn't affect you, you wouldn't have made a physical change, that's how they are thinking. If you start wearing revealing clothes or changing your appearence, the narcissist will see it as though you are desperately seeking attention. Or as though you have low self worth and low self esteem, so you need to wear revealing clothes or change your appearence to attract
attention and admiration from other men. If you want to make the narcissist miss and obsess over you, dress modestly. You don't have to pretend as though you don't know that you look good. But don't suddenly start boasting about it and don't place too much importance on your physical appearance. This displays low self worth and low self esteem, as though your physical appearence is all you have to offer. You are so much more than that and when you dress modestly, it subconsciously communicates this to people. Go out and have new experiences, enjoy your life. There is nothing that will make the narcissist miss and obsess over you more than that.
The narcissist will never reflect on themselves and think that they didn't treat you right or they should have done things differently. When they miss you, it's all about them. It's all about how they have lost their power to control you. They miss their narcissistic supply, how you made them feel and everything you gave or did for them. They do not miss you or anyone else as a person and they never will. Narcissists are self absorbed and lack empathy. But following what I have explained here, the narcissist will become obsessed with you. If you have watched my other videos, you will know that I do not recommend going back to the narcissist. Once they know that they can have you and they have secured you as a source of supply, they will only take you for granted again. They do not care about you or what you want. In time, they will hoover you, telling you that they are living their best lives. The truth is they have just been observing what's going on in your life through social media or talking to your friends and they are basically telling you how they are perceiving your life, since you have left them. Narcissists are always miserable, just remember how they treated you. How someone wants you to feel is how they already feel about themselves. And this never changes for them, all they can do is talk or create illusions. The best thing you can do is to leave them in the past and continue living your life.