First understand that narcissists do not miss or obsess over a person, in the same way, that a normal person would. Narcissists won't really miss or obsess over you as a person. They will miss or obsess over superficial things, such as your physical appearance, image, money, material items, or sex. They might also miss or obsess over how you made them feel. Or whatever else you did for them or gave to them. So this is what will preoccupy or fill their minds continually and to a troubling extent. After the discard, or as the narcissist is preparing to discard you, you need to practice emotional discipline. Observe your feelings but do not let your feelings control you.
Do not let your feelings control how you respond to the narcissist. Respond with logic or reasoning, rather than reacting to your feelings. Let the narcissist have the last word. Do not defend yourself or the relationship. If the narcissist criticizes, devalues, or degrades you in any way, just agree with them. Do not react as though you are hurt by what they are saying to you, or as though you believe what they are saying. The narcissist may then test you to see if they can get a reaction out of you. They might tell you that the relationship is over or that they have met someone else. Do not react. Do not let your emotions control your response. Speak calmly and acknowledge what the narcissist is saying to you. Thank them for telling you that it is over or that they have met someone else. Tell them that you understand that the relationship is over or you understand that they have met someone else. Say it as though what they have told you is not hurting or affecting you. Do not let your emotions control how you respond to them. This will completely confuse the narcissist. When they told you that the relationship is over or that they have met someone else, they were expecting you to be affected by this. They will try to figure out what you are thinking or how you are feeling. They will want to know if you are sad or angry. They will want you to reveal your thoughts and emotions to them. They might try to continue the conversation in an attempt to figure out what is going in your mind and how you are feeling. They are not doing this because they care or because they want to comfort you or make you feel better.
Narcissists are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They are trying to find out if you are hurt because your emotional reaction will give them a narcissistic supply. If you express your sadness or anger towards them, they are not going to care. They are not going to comfort you. They are not going to try and make things right with you. It will only feed them narcissistic supply and make them feel powerful and in control of you and your emotions. When you refuse to give them the emotional reaction they need to obtain narcissistic supply from you, the narcissist experiences a void, they feel empty. They expected you to be emotionally destroyed from what they said to you. Now they are confused and wondering why they don't have the power to control you. At this point, you now have more power over yourself than the narcissist has over you. You are making it difficult for them to understand what you are thinking or feeling. If you do not appear to be hurt or affected by their decision to end the relationship or be with someone else, they will be disappointed with your response. They will continue to push you in an attempt to provoke an emotional response from you. They might tell you that you do not care about the relationship or you do not love them. This is just to get you to reveal your thoughts and emotions so that they can obtain a narcissistic supply. Continue to practice emotional discipline.
Observe your feelings but do not let your feelings control you. Do not let your feelings control how you respond to the narcissist. Tell the narcissist that you understand that the relationship is over and you wish the best for them. Do not display any hatred or anger towards them. It will give them a narcissistic supply. If they tell you that they have met someone else, just say that you hope their new relationship goes well. Do not let your emotions control you. Respond, rather than reacting emotionally. Cut all contact with the narcissist. Remove their number from your phone. Block their number. Block them from all social media accounts. You may also want to avoid contact with anyone who knows them. Avoid talking about them to anyone. The narcissist might talk to your friends or family members to find out why you are not talking to them. You do not want the narcissist to think that you are still thinking about them or that you are hurt or affected by their decision. Do not post anything on social media relating to your relationship with the narcissist. Do not post anything that might reveal how you are feeling, following the discard. The narcissist will likely stalk your social media in the hopes of finding something that reveals how you really feel. This will then give them a narcissistic supply. So avoid posting anything on social media relating to the relationship with the narcissist, or anything that might reveal how you
are feeling following the discard.
If the narcissist hears that you are talking to someone about them or if they see that you have posted something on social media, this will give them narcissistic supply, it will make them feel powerful and as though they are still in control of your emotions. I highly recommend talking to someone about what you have experienced with the narcissist. There are online support groups and I offer one on one coaching sessions. You may want to talk about this with someone in person, but then there is a risk that this might get back to the narcissist. Avoid talking about the relationship with anyone you know and do not post anything to do with it on social media. Spend plenty of time out of the home, have new experiences. Go to the gym or join a fitness class. Do things that you are passionate about. Try new hobbies and interests. And post pictures of all of these experiences. Nothing will make the narcissist miss or obsess over you more than seeing you outliving your life, being able to move on, and still being happy without them. It makes them feel as though they were not as significant to you as they thought they were. As though they have no control over you or your emotions. Go out and have new experiences, enjoy your life. There is nothing that will make the narcissist miss and obsess over you more than that.
The narcissist will never reflect on themselves and think that they didn't treat you right or they should have done things differently. When they miss you, it's all about them and how they feel. It's all about how they have lost their power to control you. It gives them a feeling of loss. They miss their narcissistic supply. They miss how you made them feel and everything you gave to them or did for them. They do not miss you as a person. Narcissists see you as an object or as an extension of them. They do not see you as a person. But they will miss their narcissistic supply. They will miss how you made them feel. They will miss everything you gave to them or did for them.