The narcissist's main focus is to secure you as their source of supply. To use you for their emotional survival and whatever else they might need. But what they're not revealing to you is that they actually don't care about you, they don't have your best interests in mind. They are only focused on their own interests or needs, but they are trying to disguise it as having an interest in what is best for you. As though they are trying to help you, but secretly they are only focused on what they want, what they believe to be best for them. They have no interest in what is best for you. They are self-absorbed and they lack empathy, they only care about themselves. It might seem as though they are trying to assist you but it's just a part of their process of locking you down and securing you as their next source of supply.
They have no real interest in helping you. It's still all about them and what they want. They can make it look like they care and as though what they're doing is in your best interest, but secretly they are concealing the fact that they actually don't care about you at all. They have no interest in what is best for you, they are not capable of caring for anyone else other than themselves. Which is why they cannot establish a genuine emotional connection with you. They cannot love you because they are too preoccupied with their own interests or needs and if you're not validating their false self and the illusion that they are trying to portray, you will then see what they really think about you. They will begin to tell you how they really feel and you will then realize that they never cared about you, they never loved you, they never had your best interest in mind. It was all just a scheme to lock you down and secure you as a next source of supply.
They never had any genuine interest in who you are or what you were about. That was nothing more than a fabrication and it was designed to deceive you. It was designed to make you believe that they actually cared for you and wanted the best for you, so that you would then stick around, believing that somebody's got your back. They knew that you wouldn't want to be around someone who doesn't even care about you, so they had to play the part of someone who does.
They have this grandiose image that they want to project onto the world. They want people to see them as though they are impressive and imposing in appearance or style, especially pretentiously. They will attempt to impress people by effecting greater importance or merit than is actually possessed. They want to be the hero, they want to be the person who is admired for their courage of standard achievements or noble qualities. But it's not real, it's just an act, a fantasy and they only want people around them who will support this fantasy, people who will prop up their false self. That is why if you cannot validate their false self and the illusion that they are trying to portray, they will become bitter and resentful towards you.
They will threaten to leave you because by not validating their false self you are making them feel worthless and insignificant. You are making them feel like their false self doesn't even exist and that's just too painful for the narcissist to deal with. They have to be around people who will acknowledge their false self, people who are susceptible to their manipulation. If you are no longer susceptible to it they cannot be around you, it will only cause fights. You have to acknowledge them as who they want to be rather than who they actually are and that is why they will then portray you as someone who is causing problems, someone who is doing wrong to them. They will enforce flying monkeys and start a smear campaign to distract people from seeing who they really are.
Playing the role of the hero gives them narcissistic supply. They enjoy playing this character of someone who cannot do enough for you, or at least that is the image that they will present to their flying monkeys. They will make them believe as though they cannot do anything more for you, as though they entered your life in an attempt to save you. But they couldn't save you because you are not willing to do the work to save yourself. This is the image that they present to their flying monkeys. It is very powerful and it is very believable. People will begin to agree with them, they will begin to sympathize with them, until they finally reach a collective agreement with the flying monkeys, that it is time for them to leave you.
It just gets to a point where you can't do anything right, you can't do anything for them. You're always walking on eggshells with the fear that something you say might start another fight. You stop expressing how you really feel, you pretend to smile but deep down you're dying inside. You don't want to stay but then you don't want to leave. You feel like you can't be you and the narcissist will tell you you're not yourself anymore, you're not the person that they fell in love with. They're portraying you as this evil, selfish person and the flying monkeys believe. They believe everything that the narcissist is telling them, so now they have no reason to leave. They have every reason to stick around and support the narcissist and there's really nothing that you can do about that. You cannot convince them because they have a firm belief that what the narcissist is saying is true. You thought the narcissist cared about you, you thought that they loved you and would never leave you. You thought that was the reason why they hated being alone, why they always had to be around you, when really it was all about supply. They never loved you, they never cared about you, they were just using you to regulate their emotions and boost their false sense of self-worth, self-esteem and self-importance. They never had your best interest in mind.
They couldn't love you because they lacked empathy for you. You need empathy to be able to love someone, you need to be able to understand them and share their feelings. But the narcissist cannot do that, they cannot share your experience or put themselves in your shoes. They cannot relate or identify with you or anything that you're experiencing, because they lack empathy and that is why there is no understanding or connection, that is why they cannot love you. They can only act like they love you, they can only play the role of someone who is loving or caring and that is the character that they display to their flying monkeys. The hero, the person who is trying to save you. When really they don't care about you, they're just using you for supply.