Don't let them frighten or threaten you into doing what they want you to do. Maybe you have left a narcissist or they have discarded you and you've developed these feelings of worry, nervousness or unease. They're not even around you anymore, but you still feel as though you have to check in with them. You've shaped yourself to comply with their rules or standards, to be how they wanted you to be, rather than how you wanted to be. Not because it was what you wanted to do, but because you just wanted to prevent any trouble or distress. You wanted to preserve the settled and peaceful condition. You wanted to make them happy or satisfied. Because no matter what you do, the narcissist always makes it seem like it's not enough, like there is nothing you can do to satisfy them. But that has nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean that you're not enough. They just have an insatiable desire that is impossible to satisfy.
This is what causes you to prepare or train yourself into developing these patterns of behavior, of trying to make the narcissist feel more comfortable, trying to relieve their stress or tension. Because you just want to avoid conflict, you want to avoid any arguments or disagreements. But they're always complaining, they're always expressing their dissatisfaction or annoyance about something. They have this pessimistic attitude where they tend to only see the worst aspect of things. They believe that the worst will happen. They always have something negative to say and then it affects you, it affects how you feel and how you look at the situation. And then before you know it, you're suddenly becoming negative and dissatisfied with everything.
This is why you have to distance yourself from people who constantly complain. You have to distance yourself from people who constantly express their dissatisfaction or annoyance about something and people who always have something negative to say. When you're constantly around someone who complains about something in a persistent and irritating way, it will cause continuous trouble or distress to you, it will cause you to develop anxiety or depression. Which is why you should avoid these kinds of people, just like you would avoid the coronavirus, because if you're around it long enough you will get infected. Their negative feelings and ideas will take hold of you and you will become contaminated, until you will then have to quarantine yourself. Because you have been exposed to an infectious and contagious disease. Something that is likely to spread or influence other people. This is why you must avoid these types of people at all costs.
You have to reverse these patterns of behaviour of trying to make the narcissist feel more comfortable, walking on eggshells and being extremely cautious about your words or actions. You have programmed yourself to say or do things in a certain way to avoid making the narcissist angry or upset. You have suppressed so much of who you really are, to the point where you have now become this quiet, gentle character who is easily imposed on. You have become easy to take advantage of by them demanding your attention or commitment and you have become very submissive.
You have allowed yourself to be controlled by the narcissist. You are ready to conform to their authority or will. You have become obedient and passive and willing to comply with their order or request. You are accepting and allowing what the narcissist does to you, without active response or resistance. Now you have become a recluse. You have become a person who lives a solitary life and tends to avoid other people, you prefer not to associate yourself with anyone. You have become shy or introverted, you're no longer readily revealing your thoughts or feelings, you've become reserved or withdrawn. You don't want to communicate with other people, because it makes you feel nervous or fearful. When that is not the way you should be conducting yourself, that is not how you should be.
But even after you have left the narcissist, it's not so easy to go back to being the person that you were before. And the longer that you stay in this state, the more susceptible you will be to another person who is like that. Because that's exactly the type of person they're looking for. Someone who is easy to control, someone who is easy to take advantage of. You have already been prepared and trained for the purpose of being that type of person.
Become aware of how you have been conducting and presenting yourself. Remove the fear and stop trying to comply with their rules or standards. Stop holding yourself responsible for the narcissist's peace or comfort. Because as you're moving forward, this could affect every aspect of your life. The more time you have spent around them, the more difficult it will be. You may find yourself still conducting and presenting yourself as though they're still around, as though they're still a part of your life. And now you've become this quiet, gentle character. You have become obedient and passive and you have been molded to be that way for the recurrence of actions and events of trying to please and satisfy the narcissist.
It causes you to doubt yourself, where you will no longer trust yourself enough to make your own decisions. You will always need someone else's input or opinions. You will analyse things too much before making a decision. Sometimes you won't even make a decision at all, which only leads to a lack of activity, growth and development. Because you were used to the narcissists forceful, arrogant behaviour. You were used to them laying down principles as undeniably true. You were used to their fixed views and preconceived ideas and criticisms. It caused you to overthink and overanalyse the situation, it caused you to be very critical of yourself to ensure that you didn't make a fault or mistake. Because you didn't want to experience any arguments or disagreements with the narcissist, regarding any decisions that you have made. You were constantly walking on eggshells, you were constantly on edge and in fight-or-flight mode. This is what causes C-PTSD: complex post-traumatic stress disorder. You became used to living in conditions where you were constantly under stress and tension. You are unable to relax because of anxiety and nervousness and now it has made you want to avoid any pain, danger and uncertainty.
You had so many arguments and disagreements with the narcissist, but now all you're looking for is peace, all you're looking for is freedom from any disturbance. Now you do whatever you can to avoid any arguments or disagreements. Or some of you have become so hypersensitive to disagreements or criticism, that now even the slightest problem or issue is causing you to become easily hurt, worried or offended. It causes you to become hypervigilant, where you are highly alert to potential danger or threat, when you were not like that before. But when you have been around a narcissist or toxic person for too long, it will produce these types of effects within you.
You have to take the focus off the narcissist and start putting the focus on yourself. Put your time, energy and attention into yourself. Love yourself, focus on your growth and development as a person. You need to be a priority in your own life you need to treat yourself as being important. Take away the self-doubt and start believing in yourself, start trusting your own intuition. Whatever you feel passionate about, whatever you have strong feelings or beliefs for, that's what you need to do. You may not succeed the first time, but it doesn't mean that you should give up. You just need to make some improvements or adjustments. Instead of feeling anxious and troubled about everyone else, do something differently and start worrying about yourself. Don't overestimate yourself, you can't just go around supplying all of your time and energy to those who are in need, when you need yourself more than anyone else. When someone is very selfless and always focuses on everyone else, that's one of the biggest signs that they are neglecting themselves. They are more concerned with the needs and wishes of other people, rather than with their own.
Be willing to take risks, be confident and courageous. Don't let the narcissist control your life. If you show them that you're afraid, they will continue to keep you in that state. Sometimes you have to use their own tactics in order to defeat them. Sometimes you need to be the one giving an unfavorable response. You have to show them that you're not going to be easy to take advantage of. Don't let them intimidate you. They bark, but most of them don't bite. They're full of big talk but they are lacking in action, power and substance. They will give you cutting remarks to make themselves feel superior or powerful, but they actually have a soft personality underneath that. They make empty threats or promises, they put on an act to deceive you to their abilities or intentions. Most of the time they're just trying to impress you, by effecting greater importance or merit than what they actually possess.
Be brave and be strong. Show courage and stand up for yourself. Defend yourself, be strong when facing a conflict, defend your opinion or point of view. Fight for yourself and don't wait for someone else to fight for you.