Many victims wonder whether or not the narcissist meant to hurt them. You may wonder how they could knowingly treat you that way if you are the closest person to them. But actually, they always hurt their nearest and dearest. They always hurt their closest family members or friends. While they treat other people very differently. They will treat strangers a lot better than they treat you. People who aren't doing anything for them. People who they don't even know. They will be very kind to those people. They will be well-behaved and under control. And you may observe them in these situations. And wonder how they're able to be so polite and respectful. When they're always acting in such a ridiculous way around you. As though they lack sense or judgement. They're offensively impolite and bad-mannered. They show a lack of respect. They cause hurt and inconvenience to you. They're passive aggressive. But then they act in a completely different way around strangers. People who they don't even know. People who aren't doing anything for them. And it makes you wonder, if they can treat strangers in such a positive way. Why can't they treat you like that, when you are doing things for them? But this is how you should know that somethings not right.
Because it's such an extreme contrast of behaviour. It would make sense if they treated other people the way they treated you. But no, they are very accomodating to strangers. They're very friendly and welcoming to visitors or guests. They will go out of their way for people they don't even know. But they're treating you like you're nothing. While you're doing everything for them. Which just leaves you wondering why they can't be that way with you. But this is how you should know that it's all an act. You're seeing who they really are. Because they can't fake for long periods of time. That's why sometimes you might see them being kind. And then other times they're out of control. That's how you should know it's an act. It's deception. But that's why when you try to tell people about how they really are and how they treat you. They don't believe you. Because they've been misled into thinking that they're dealing with a decent person. Those people don't know who they really are. Those people don't live with them. And the narcissist is very careful about what they display to other people. It's perception management. They're actually very good to other people. They might argue about doing anything for you. But they will offer help to other people. Other people don't even have to ask. So when you go to people and you're telling them the narcissist is crazy and uncontrollable. No one is going to believe you. They're not going to believe that anything is being done to you. Because they've already gone and taken measures to minimise damage to their reputation, credibility and public image. They've already been managing the perceptions of everyone around you. They've already fed this narrative about you to other people. So that it prevents you from having any support. People have already been led to believe that there's something wrong with you. They think you're the crazy one. And when you come out and start trying to talk to people about what you've been going through. It just supports the narcissist's narrative about you even more. Which is why you eventually find yourself without any support. Without anyone who is able to relate to you. Where no one is there to help you.
Whenever you're happy about something, they always have to start an argument. Because they want to take away your happiness. They want to control your emotional state. They will deliberately go out of their way to cause drama and chaos. To make you miserable. But if they're happy about something, they don't want to discuss anything with you. They won't hear anything you have to say. Yet they won't have any consideration for you. They will start an argument when you wake up first thing in the morning. Or when you're trying to sleep at night. It's never at a time that's suitable for you. It's because they know that you usually sleep at a certain time at night. Or because they know that you will be tired if you wake up too early. All of these things are premeditated. Because they're very envious and jealous of you. They're always trying to take away your happiness. That's why they're always in competition with you. That's why they're always trying to pull you down to their level. They always have to complain about something. There always has to be something wrong. When they're around you, it's like they can never be happy. They can never be positive about anything. They can be happy and positive with other people. But not with you. When they're around you, they have to make you miserable. Because when they're around you, it resurfaces their insecurities. Things that they don't like. While you're happy and having a good time. You're at peace with yourself. Which is why they have to pull you down to their level. And that's when they start fault-finding. They look for any slight mistakes. It's done deliberately. They know what they're doing. And they understand the effect that it's having on you. They don't even care about the argument.
They will just make something up. So that you try to correct it. It feeds their ego. It makes them feel important. They're power hungry. So they will do it again and again. The arguments will keep coming. They will exaggerate it. They will act like it's more than what it is. Because they're feeding off the effect that it has on you. They will create these fake arguments. Because they know they can make you respond to it as though you were at fault. They know that they can make you take responsibility for it. They convince you into thinking that you did something wrong. As though there was a real issue that offended them. So that they can get you to comply with their agenda. Where you will try to make things right. When you were never wrong anyway. They just knew how to trick you into thinking that what you did was wrong. It's a test. They want to see what you're willing to tolerate. They want to see what they can get away with. They want control. So they make you feel like you've done something wrong. Until you give in and say that you're going to do better. And then they will hold you to that expectation. Until you start accepting things that you never would have tolerated before. You start seeing more and more abuse. Things start to get out of control. Because they can't control themselves. They're very greedy. They always want more and more. They have these insatiable desires. They're never satisfied. If they were able to control themselves and not overdo it. Their plan would probably work. But due to their greed, it never does. Narcissists do know that they hurt you. It's intentional behaviour. They're all running off the same playbook. Because you're not the first person they've done this to. They've done it before and it worked. So they keep repeating what worked for them in the past. It's worked for them before, so they're convinced that it's going to work on you.
That's why they can seem so arrogant. Because they know that their manipulation has been effective on past victims. They've done it so many times. They got what they wanted and then they left. Because they know the effect that they're having on you. They know they can't develop anything with you after they've damaged you to that point. They know there's no going back after that. All they can do now is exploit you and extract what they need from you, for as long as you let them. Or until they find someone else. And then it's over. They're not intending to be with you forever. After they've done all of these things to you, they see it as though it's inevitable that it has to end. Even if there's children involved. That's just something for them to fall back on. They don't take anything seriously. Everything is a part of the game. And the game is essential to their survival. They're only in it for themselves. They don't care about anyone. But when you finally start to pull away, it does cause an injury. It does make them mad. Because they don't see it as though you've woken up and realised what they're doing. They see it as though someone else has gained control of you and taken you away from them. They don't believe that you can leave on your own. After they've gained so much control over you, they don't believe that you have free will. They don't believe that you have anything that is separate from them. So there must be someone else who has cracked the code. Because they just see you as their property. You're just an object to the narcissist. And in their minds they're trying to prevent someone else taking you away from them. Because they don't think you're capable of going off on your own. When they've done all this work on you, they become very territorial. They believe that they own you. They don't want to see someone else taking you away after all of the time and energy they invested into you. But if you're miserable and you're alone, they'll just leave you there. They won't feel any need to be involved with you. It's only when you start to figure things out. That's when they start coming around. But it's not because they can't be without you. They just don't want to see someone else taking you away. They know how to play the game.
They know how to manipulate and control you. But other than that, they're not about anything. They're never going to have any real purpose in life. They're never going to be a good wife or husband for anyone. They're never going to make anyone proud of them. They're never going to be anything to anyone. Because all they know how to do is act. All they can do is put on a show. But it never has any real meaning or purpose to it. And when you truly realise that.
Despite everything they did to you... You should feel no desire to get revenge. Because their fate is already predestined. They've already made their choice about which road they want to take. And there's just no going back for them. Nothing is ever going to change. They're never going to be what you wanted them to be. But don't take my word for it. Observe their actions and behaviours. That should tell you everything you need to know.