Avoid Taking The Narcissist Back
Remember the reasons why you left the narcissist or went no contact. You had enough of them and you didn't want to deal with them any more. If you take them back, they are not going to act differently or the way that you would like. They will actually be a lot worse than they were before. They have this mentality where they have to inflict pain or suffering on you, for what they have gone through. Without realising or accepting that you left them because you were fed up of how they were treating you. They are not going to reflect on everything that was done, which led to you leaving them. They are not going to reflect on anything that they have done wrong. They might give you a fake apology, but that is only to regain you a source of supply so that they can then punish you for resisting them. It is not a genuine apology, it won't last. It's just something they are using at that moment to get back in with you again. A narcissist cannot maintain appropriate behaviour. At some point, they will reveal their true colours and then it will be worse than the last time. They have to punish you for rejecting and resisting them. They might come back acting like they are the victim or as though they are hurt. But the reality is that they created these circumstances. They brought these unfortunate events on themselves. But they refuse to acknowledge the source of their problems, which actually comes from them. They are the source of the problem and deep down they know it, but they refuse to acknowledge it.
When you take back the narcissist, you are taking back the problem and everything that comes with it. You begin to get caught up in a lot of their stuff, just as you did before. The longer you entertain them, the more you get sucked into it. Until you become a part of the problem. When you entertain what they are saying to you, it gives them an opportunity to come back. They always create problems for people and get them caught up in stuff, that's just how they are. They will try to convince you that you are a part of the reason why they are the way they are, or why they did what they did. And once you start believing in that, it gives them an opportunity to come back. It makes you more accepting of the abuse, you begin to believe that maybe you deserve it. Maybe you were a part of the problem, so now you need to take them back and help them or give them whatever they need. This is why they want you to share the responsibility for their faults or mistakes. They have to involve you in their dysfunctionality, as though you are a part of it. As though you are equally responsible for what had happened. They brought these problems to themselves and they had plenty of opportunities to acknowledge what went wrong, but they didn't attend to it. They didn't attend to the problem and follow the correct procedure or take the proper measures, which could have been more favourable to them and produced a different outcome. They didn't attend to the problem when they had the opportunity to do it, so they are fully responsible. They made the choice, they made the decision to not acknowledge what was happening in front of them. But now they want to blame you and make you think that you are a part of the problem.
And once they've got back in with you, they will then go back to expecting you to take full responsibility for what happened. When it never had anything to do with you, it was never based on anything that you had said or done. In most cases, it was something that happened to you, something that they did to you. And they want you to take responsibility for that, as well as the consequences of what originated from their ignorance and poor decisions.
If they were healthy, normal people, they would acknowledge what they have done wrong. Instead of blaming you, they would accept that they are the cause of the problem. Even a normal person might feel shameful or embarrassed to acknowledge their faults or mistakes. For a narcissist, it's far worse. They have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities or importance. This makes it very difficult for them to acknowledge their faults or mistakes and to genuinely apologise to someone. So they want you to share the responsibility for their reckless behaviour. The only way that anything is going to change is if they modify their behaviour and change how they respond to these types of situations. That is the only way that they are going to be able to solve anything. Nothing is going to change with them. When they come back they are just going to do the same thing again and again. Nothing ever changes with them. They have a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from you rejecting or resisting them. They will come back and do something much worse than they've done before. But they always find a way to justify it in their minds. Not in a way that is based on facts or logic, but in a way that is based on their emotions. Their emotions become facts and if they feel a certain way from you rejecting or resisting them, they believe that gives them the right to destroy you.
This is what makes them so dangerous. They don't think before they do something, they don't logically assess anything in their minds. It is all based on their emotions and their emotions become the facts. This then becomes a grudge and resentment, where they develop this tit for tat mentality and feel like they have to lash out at you. If you decide to take them back, you should expect them to still have a lot of envy and resentment towards you. At some point, they will use their feelings of envy and resentment to justify their abusive actions in the future. The way that their minds process these thoughts and emotions makes them very dangerous people to be around. This is what makes them do some of the most unimaginable, destructive things... that can often be unfavourable to them. When you take the narcissist back, you are inviting more danger and risk of harm to yourself into your life. You should never have people around you that hold grudges or resentment. They will try to blame you for something, without reflecting on all the things they did that were unacceptable or inappropriate, which built up over a long period of time. And these were things that they caused to begin. When all of these things build up and finally produce a reaction from you, they act like they are the victims. To make you feel like you have to share the responsibility of what they've done. They will blame you for your reactions or behaviours which occurred from the build-up of everything that happened before. But when it comes to the initiating factors, they remain ignorant. They don't want to acknowledge or accept what caused you to react or behave in that way. Because they know that if they have to take that into consideration, there is no way that they would ever be able to play the victim. They would have to acknowledge everything that you have been through and then understand that you were only operating off the programming that they had installed within you. And that's just too much for them to accept. They can't accept that you were reacting to their negativity or things that happened from the past. They don't want to make that connection, because then they wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
For them to come to the realisation that everything that happened, all of that time, was caused by something that they did. Even for a normal person, that is a huge pill to swallow. But for them, it could send them into a state of fear or panic. Because the reality is that when they were punishing you, they were actually punishing themselves. It was just projected outwards on to you. This is what these people do. They punish the true victim, who is a reminder and a reflection of their wrongdoing. They don't want to be reminded of that and they don't want to acknowledge the shame of everything that they have done. So they project it all on to you. They abuse you to regulate their emotions, they project the blame on to you to dodge their shame. So no matter what they've done to you, no matter how bad it was, if they come back all they can do is further abuse you again and again.
And that will never change.