Are You Missing Out With The Narcissist?
Following the discard phase, you could be fooled into believing that the narcissist is having a good time without you. They might upload pictures on social media for you to see. Or they will stalk you in a person, in their new car, or with their new relationship partner. They will orchestrate some form of illusion and really put on a show. They are very skilled at planning or coordinating the elements of a situation to produce the desired effect or desired reaction
from you. But the fact that they are going out of their way to do this, or to prove as though they are having a good time without you, should remind you that they are not really having a good time. If they were completely satisfied with the situation or person, they wouldn't need to use it to make you jealous. The fact that they do need to do this, proves that they are not satisfied with the situation or person. So an alternative way of getting the satisfaction they wanted from a situation or person, is to use it to make someone else jealous. By seeing someone else desire what they have, it makes it seem more desirable or valuable to the narcissist. They cannot get the same level of happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment as you can. So they have to use certain things to hurt you, that's their idea of happiness or pleasure.
The majority of what they have going on in their lives, they are not happy with. They usually go for things that are far below the average person's standards. Things that they are not satisfied with. But even though they are not satisfied with it, they will use it to try and make you jealous. And this is the quickest way to identify if they are not satisfied with whatever they have. If a person is trying to use a situation or person to make you jealous, they are not satisfied with it.
The narcissist relies on their social media pictures or stalking you with the new source or a new car, to keep you looking at yourself. They expect you to reflect on yourself and then feel as though you are worthless or insignificant, without them. They don't expect you to identify that they are only doing this because they are not satisfied with whatever it is they are displaying to you. You are not missing out on anything, they are just trying to make you believe that you are. Narcissists are not fulfilled with anything in their lives. They might set goals, but they will always be moving from one goal to the next. So while they haven't even completed the previous goal, they will already be on to the next. Never experiencing any form of fulfillment or gratitude for what they currently have. This was programmed into them in their childhood from their narcissistic parent. The narcissistic parent never took an interest in what they had achieved, they were only interested in what they were working to
achieve. The goalposts were constantly moving. They never learned how to feel gratitude or appreciation for their achievements, so they never feel fulfilled. They are constantly seeking something which they cannot find. They get bored very easily. This is why you will see many of them are in jobs or relationships and they just seem so fed up with life. They don't know how to keep the newness of a job or relationship. The reason for this is due to their lack of curiosity in life. Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something. Narcissists are not interested in learning anything new, they think they know it all already. And that's why they get bored so easily. That's why they will appear to be so fed up with life and have no motivation to learn anything new or to explore something different. They won't even consider it, because they think they've seen it all before or nothing can make them happy, so what's the point in trying? And this is why their relationships always fail. Because of what they have learned as a child from their narcissistic parent, they experience endless disappointment from people and things. Nothing is ever good enough because the goalposts are constantly moving. Once you satisfy one thing, there is something else that needs to be attended to. There is no fulfillment or gratitude with them, which means that they can never experience any happiness or joy. You have probably already experienced this with them and how nothing you do could please them or make them happy. Many victims of narcissistic abuse neglect themselves in an attempt to make the narcissist happy and end up burning themselves out. It is an impossible task and you will only end up wearing yourself out.
You cannot please an unpleasant person. Remember this whenever the narcissist is using a situation or person to make you jealous. They can never be satisfied or fulfilled. They are just using it to hurt you. That's their idea of fun, that's their idea of pleasure. They feed off your pain, it's pleasurable to them. Their idea of fun is making fun of someone else. You probably remember this when you were with them. They only appeared to be happy when they were hurting you or if they were making a joke at someone else's expense. That's their idea of fun or pleasure. And even then, it doesn't make them happy. Happiness is meant to come from within, not from external sources. So, however, it makes them feel, it never sustains them. When they are showcasing this to you, they are basically trying to prove that they are capable of something greater than you may have thought. They are trying to prove it to you and make you believe it so that it becomes more believable to them. They will go from one relationship to the next and then showcase it on social media, in an attempt to prove to you that they are loveable or they can be a good relationship partner. As though you got it wrong or something is wrong with you. Of course, this is all an act.
You can't just achieve or obtain something externally and then suddenly you are happy. It doesn't work that way. You have to do the work on the inside first to really appreciate or enjoy those things. Of course, narcissists don't want to do the work. The way they think is that you're not going to see the work they do on the inside. You're not going to see them meditating or resolving traumas, so none of that stuff has any value to them. What holds value to them is what you see on the outside. A new job, relationship partner, or material items. And they will start a new job, or have a new relationship partner, even buy a new car... with the sole purpose of making you jealous. They will mirror your likes and interests, appeal to your own ideals. Not because they want it or because they're really about that. It's just designed to make you feel as though you are missing out on something. When reality they are not even remotely satisfied with what they have. You are not missing out on anything good with the narcissist. Making fun of someone else is their idea of fun. Feeding off a person's pain is their idea of pleasure. So unless that's the kind of fun or pleasure you are interested in, you're not missing out on anything. And this is why they were always trying to limit or restrict anything that could be fun or pleasurable for you. Because they cannot get the same fulfillment. Their idea of fun is to devalue and degrade you, humiliate and exploit you. Their idea of pleasure is to feed off the pain you experience from this. They are jealous of you. They are jealous that they cannot get the same fulfillment as you can. This is why they would always be angry at any time that you were happy. They always had to sabotage your happiness, especially on special occasions like Christmas or birthdays. They cannot get the same fulfillment. So any time that you are experiencing happiness or joy, it triggers them to reflect on how they feel and how they cannot get the same
fulfillment. So they have to sabotage your happiness. They have to limit or restrict anything that could be fun or pleasurable to you. They are also jealous of anything outside of them that might be a source of happiness to you. Anything outside of them that you give your attention to. They want to be the source of your attention and validation. They want to be able to control when you experience happiness, it has to be on their terms. And there will usually be some hidden agenda where your happiness benefits them in some way.
So don't think that you are missing out on anything with the narcissist. Believe me, you're not missing out on anything good. Pay attention to how they treat other people, how they try to get other people to feel. That usually reveals how they feel about themselves.