Updated: Nov 11, 2020
Narcissists hate rules. They believe that they are the exception. They believe that they are excluded from a general statement or that they are not required to follow a rule or law. They believe that they are perfect just as they are and they do not need to change, everyone else needs to change to accommodate them. They hate authority. They hate anyone who tries to impose a decision or ruling on them. They hate any demands of their attention or commitment. They will try to manipulate you or their supervisors into bending the rules for them. They hate rules because they hate responsibility and accountability. If they can change the rules, they can avoid being held accountable for their actions.
Narcissists hate deep conversations. They don't engage in deep, meaningful conversations unless they are the center of it. Deep conversations about life or the world take attention away from them. They feel uncomfortable talking about things they don't have much knowledge of. They have a fear of being proven wrong. In their minds, they can never be wrong. They will avoid any conversation that they can't win. Narcissists argue with their feelings, rather than facts or logic. If you are trying to have a deep conversation with a narcissist, they will try to change the topic or give their own irrelevant or morally superior perspective. Narcissists are only interested in high value or attractive people. Whoever the narcissist befriends or engages with, must benefit them in some way. They choose high- value and physically attractive friends or partners to feel superior to the people around them. They will often name drop-in conversations as a way of obtaining narcissistic supply. They believe that being around desirable and powerful people, it will transfer their desirability and power on to them. Narcissists prefer to avoid anyone who is unfortunate or unattractive.
They are not interested in being around anyone who doesn't benefit them. They will only engage with people who are unfortunate as a way of displaying their moral superiority.
Narcissists compartmentalize people. They divide people into discrete sections and categories. They see people as objects and these objects are categorized according to their specific function. They compartmentalize people according to their usability in performing specific tasks or functions. They might have a friend to go out with when they are bored. People to advance their career or finances. People to have sex with. And people they can use as an emotional punching bag. The narcissist's beliefs, values, and emotions change depending on who they are with. They will often use their primary source of supply as an emotional punching bag, while they will have a secondary source of supply to
use for sex. They will be annoyed or irritated if you try to deviate from your assigned task. If you are their primary source of supply, you are there to clean the home, look after the children or carry their emotional baggage. If you are their secondary source of supply, you are a sex toy. They hate it when their primary source of supply tries to initiate sex, just as they hate it when their secondary source wants to talk about travelling or moving in together.
It would be like having a knife and fork when you are eating, but using your fork to cut your food.
Narcissists have multiple personalities. They have specific personalities for each person they associate with. They will have a different personality at home with the primary source, then when they are with the secondary source. They will also have another personality when they are at work or with friends. Not only do they have a different personality, but they will also display different beliefs, values, and emotions. They might dress differently, they might talk in a different way. Their lives revolve around getting attention and admiration and exploiting people for their own benefit or gain. Each personality is assigned for a specific purpose and is designed to achieve specific goals or personal benefits. Narcissists use your secrets against you. At the beginning of the relationship, you might open up to the narcissist and tell them something that you have experienced, or something that you have done, involving family, friends or a previous relationship partner. They will act very trustworthy and make you believe that it could benefit you by opening up to them. They will often get you to reveal personal information or something that they can later use against you as ammo. Once you are no longer useful to them, or if you threaten to leave them, they will then use this information against you. They will then triangulate you with the family, friend, or relationship partner, or they will reveal whatever you confided in them. This will then be used to enforce flying monkeys and create a smear campaign. It is designed to prevent you from moving on or trying to begin a new life without them.
Narcissists always have a back-up. They will not leave until they have secured a back-up source of supply. During the devaluation phase, they are receiving attention and admiration from someone else. They are grooming this person to be the new primary source once they have discarded you. You will often notice that a few months before the discard, you don't see the narcissist as much, or they become cold and distant. This is when they are targeting their new source of supply. The discard phase is an illusion. They want you to believe that once they have discarded you, it is over and they are not coming back. But what often happens is that once they have love-bombed the new source and extracted whatever resources they wanted from them, they will often go back to whoever they just discarded. This could be weeks, months, or even years after the discard. If you have figured them out and they know that you know, they usually won't put themselves in that position where you can outsmart
them or where you are not going to be a suitable target for their manipulation. But even then, it's not that they don't want to come back, it's just they know that they can't.
Narcissists don't want to change or grow. They want to be something great, but they don't want to work hard for it. For them to progress, they would need to self reflect or look within. They would need to be accountable for their actions. That is the only way that they could learn from their faults and mistakes and then develop into something more respectable or productive. Instead, they choose to put other people down to display themselves as being superior. They don't want to change or grow, they want you to adjust and adapt your natural way of living to accommodate them.