top of page

Why Your Silence Is The Key

When you go silent with the narcissist, you will no longer be able to express your thoughts and ideas easily or well. But even when you did do that, you never got the response that you hoped to get. You might have hoped that when you were angry and frustrated... When you felt betrayed. That they would have apologised to you and tried to work on things. But that does not happen with narcissists. They won't take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will shift the blame on to you. They will say that you are the problem. They will say that you are fault-finding. They will say that you are selfish. Because you're just trying to express how you feel in a healthy way. So it's a waste of time trying to communicate with the narcissist. It's a waste of time giving or offering something of value to someone who does not understand its value. Someone who does not appreciate it. They will walk all over it and they will tear you to pieces. Your emotions have value. So do not give them to the narcissist. Because they will destroy it. You may have a desire to express yourself to the narcissist. You may have a desire to tell them how you feel. And while that may have value.

You need to recognise that they're not going to understand its value. So you need give up something valued for the sake of other considerations. You need to recognise that you're not going to receive a healthy response. You cannot fix everything. You cannot solve every problem. You may want to help people. But you cannot help the narcissist. There's nothing you can do or say that is going to change who they are or how they choose to behave. They habitually seek to harm and intimidate you, because they see you as being weak and vulnerable. And if you try to make them see the errors of their ways... And you try to teach them about peace and love. They're just going to see it as a weakness. They see love as a weakness. They don't see it as a strength. They don't see it as an act of courage. They just see it as an opportunity to break you down even more. If you give a narcissist your love, they will destroy you. They will find everything wrong with it. Which is why you need to stop expressing your emotions to the narcissist. You need to stop expecting a healthy response. You can't get blood from a stone. So stop trying to fix the situation. Stop trying to love someone who does not want to be loved. Someone who does not want to love you. And instead, use your silence to protect your emotions. Take your power back by no longer reacting to them. They know how to push your buttons. They know how to get a reaction out of you. Because they need that. It's what gives them narcissistic supply. It keeps you participating in their game. But when you take your power back by no longer reacting to them, it's game over. Your silence tells the narcissist that you are no longer a willing participant. It tells them that you're not someone that they can play with. When you go silent with the narcissist, they will talk about you behind your back. They will say horrible things about you to other people. So that they can get supply. They will say that you're not talking to them.

But as long as you stay silent, you're no longer enmeshed in it. Because you're not feeding into it. And eventually people will get tired of listening to the narcissist. And the narcissist will see no purpose in talking about you, when you're no longer a part of their lives. When you're not even reacting to it. It will give you more time and energy to focus on your life. To focus on the things that you are passionate about. To focus on the things that matter to you. After dealing with the narcissist, you lost a part of who you are. You became a shell of who you used to be. You used to have a lot of fun. You used to enjoy doing certain things. But you stopped doing that since you got involved with the narcissist. They stripped you of everything that made you who you are. But now you have time to get back to doing those things again. It may take time for you to heal. But you don't need to rush. You can progress gradually and carefully from one stage to the next. You can give yourself the time that you need to do what you enjoy doing. But first, you must go no contact with the narcissist. It's not enough to just give them the silent treatment. You must do this if you want to move forward in your life. By letting go of something that is harmful to you.

174 views1 comment

Recent Posts

See All


Excellent topic. Definitely on point in reference to the actions of the Narc when you go silent while still with them and no contact when you’re given your “Discard Papers.” I had definitely given up on all of my hobbies, and nearly everything that I liked to do, just to attempt to make her happy throughout the 32 yr prison sentence I had been given without knowing about it, but found out quickly after the Discard. It’s been roughly 8 months and counting since I went “No Contact” in my new home, this motel room, and it hasn’t been easy, to put it lightly but with each passing day, my mind is becoming more focused on me and my wants for…

bottom of page