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Why Narcissists Stay Friends With Their Exes

It isn't always bad for people to stay friends with their exes. If they introduce you to their ex and their ex knows that you're together, that's a different story. In that situation, it's readily understood. It's obvious. It's legitimate, honest, and open. Because there's no hint of infidelity. There's no inappropriate intimate connection. But there is a shady and deceitful reason why narcissists choose to stay friends with their exes. It's not about friendship. It's for validation. They're getting validation from their ex.


Which is why you may have found that their ex was still a part of their lives, even while they were love bombing you. Because they were getting supply from their ex. They like to keep them around because it's familiar and predictable. They know what to expect from their ex. And they're also afraid of abandonment. They don't like to be left. Because they're very insecure. They have a poor sense of self. They don't know much about their own preferences, opinions, tastes, beliefs, and values. They lack confidence and seek approval from other people.





They struggle to define their interests and values. So they have to keep their ex around to sustain their sense of self. To feel secure. To feel valuable. Especially if their ex is someone who they thought was rich, powerful, or attractive. Or some other superficial quality. In their minds their ex gives them value. Their ex makes them a more valuable person. And that is why they stay friends with their exes. Because they need validation and admiration. They need narcissistic supply. And they fear being abandoned. Because they're very insecure. All they care about is winning. So they will toy with their ex. They will play cat and mouse. They will play games with them. They will try to win them over. And they also enjoy keeping their ex as a secret from you.


It gives them a sense of power when they know something that you don't know. And it's a weapon that they can later use against you. But they often won't let you meet their ex. They will try to create division. They will try to create a difference and disagreement between you and their ex. They will try to keep you from meeting them. Because they don't want to be exposed. They don't want to be in a vulnerable position or situation, where it would publicly reveal that they are bad and dishonest. So they have to cause you to start feeling hostile towards their ex. They have to make you hate and oppose them. They have to make you enemies. Or they have to keep you apart. Because one of their greatest fears.


After everything they did to their ex. Is exposing them to you. And letting you see the damage that they have caused. If you could see their ex, you would see who the narcissist really is. So they will make it seem like their ex doesn't want to meet you. They will make it seem like their ex doesn't like you. Their ex will become this enemy who doesn't even know you. A person who hates you but has never even met you. They've never seen you before. They've never even heard your voice. But they will hate you based on what the narcissist has told them. And they won't just do this with their ex. They will also do this with their family and friends. At first, they will tell you that their exes, family and friends are crazy. But once they've secured you as their source of supply, they will switch it up on you





They will tell everyone that you are the crazy one. When they say that their ex is crazy, that is a red flag. Especially when they say the same thing about their family and friends. Because there is a feature shared by all members of that group. And that is that they're all involved with the narcissist. So maybe the narcissist made them all crazy. But even if their ex really is crazy, you're still getting involved with crazy people. It's not a good thing if they're telling you their ex is crazy. If they're telling you their ex wants to fight you. Especially when they haven't even met you. That doesn't make any sense. It suggests that the narcissist is creating a division between you and their ex. And that is why they don't want you to meet them.


They may even be keeping you as a secret. They may not want their ex to know about you. Because they're planning on reuniting with their ex. So their ex may not even know that you exist. This is just what narcissists do. They like to have multiple sources of supply. But they don't want you to know about it. So they have to keep you apart. Because they don't want to be exposed. If you met their ex, they would be exposed. They might not be able to go back to them. So they will tell you their ex is crazy. They will tell you that their ex wants to fight you. Even while they're still talking to them. And they will say the same thing about their family and friends. But they won't let you meet them.





Their family and friends will hate you, even though they haven't even met you. Because the narcissist is spreading rumours about you. They're starting a smear campaign against you. They're telling people that you're crazy. They're keeping you as a secret. And if you try to meet them, they will always have an excuse. There will always be a reason why you can't meet their ex. There will always be a reason why you can't meet their family or friends. But they will make you hate them. Even though you've never even met them. Because they will make you feel like they have possession of them as security for performance against a pledge or demand.


They will make you feel like they're threatening their well-being or success. As though they're keeping them somewhere without permission or consent. They will make you hate other people, because you feel like they're hurting the narcissist. Because the narcissist has convinced you that those other people hate you. They have turned you against each other. Without you even meeting. Just by talking and telling you that they're crazy. And then by later telling other people that you're the crazy one.


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