Many of us are used to being targeted by narcissists. Sometimes it feels like they will never leave us alone. But the truth is the narcissist doesn't really want you. They see you as something temporary. They see you as a means to an end. The relationship is just for recreational use. It's for their own amusement and enjoyment. As they toy with you like a game of cat and mouse. As they string you along without any hope or intention of a possible future. Because they don't really want you.
They just want the benefits and conveniences that come along with being with you. But many of you may take it personally. You may think that it has something to do with you as a person. When they don't even know who you are. They never even took the time to get to know you. Because they had no interest in doing that. They had no interest in getting to know you or building something with you. But that's not what narcissists do. They take whatever they can get and then they leave.
They're drifters. They move aimlessly from place to place without any deeper purpose or objective. Their only concern is their own survival. Because they know that they can't make it on their own. But they also know that they don't have the skills or the willpower to sustain a relationship. So the only thing they can do is keep moving. They don't even have the motivation to try to build anything with anyone. Because they know they're a lost cause. They know they're not built for that type of relationship.
They don't have anything to give to you. Because they're always the ones who are in need. They're always the ones who need your help and support. So they know that any relationship they get into is doomed from the start. It's not going to go anywhere. Because they're not even fit to be in a relationship. They don't have the skills or the tools to sustain it. So they know that eventually it's going to fall apart. Which is why they will leave before it collapses on top of them.
But until that time, they will do everything they can to suck you dry. To milk you for all you're worth. But sometimes, even though you may have what they want, they won't consider you as a possible endeavour. And the reason for that is because you don't meet the requirements. So here are 5 reasons why the narcissist doesn't want you.
1. You know your worth The last person a narcissist wants to be around is someone who knows their worth. Someone who loves and respects themselves.
Which is why the first thing they have to do when they get near you... Is target your self-esteem. They will try to make you think you're not as good as you are. They will target your confidence in your own worth and abilities. They will target your self-respect. Because that is going to be the greatest opposition to them controlling you. Your self-worth and self-respect acts as a barrier to the narcissist. It protects you from them. So as long as you have that, they can't get in. They can't get to you.
They have to break that down so that you will be more accepting of them. Because if you don't realise just how great you actually are, then you will be willing to accept less. And that's really what they want. That's really what they're looking for. They're looking for someone who is willing to accept less than they deserve.
2. They want someone who they can control They want someone to be at their beck and call. Someone who when they say "jump", you say "how high".
Someone who will go above and beyond to please them. Because that is a perfect source of supply for the narcissist. Someone who will do anything they want. So they need to have someone who they can control. Someone who has nothing more significant going on in their lives. Someone with no life of their own. Because then their life can revolve around the narcissist. It can revolve around catering to the narcissist's needs. Instead of them attending to themselves.
3. They want an enabler They want someone who will enable their negative and self-destructive behaviour.
Someone who makes it possible for it to happen. Someone who will fund their addictions and attention-seeking behaviour. Because they're attention whores. They behave in a provocative, outrageous and reprehensible manner in order to attract attention. Because that is a form of supply to the narcissist. When everyone's eyes are on them. And they can't live without it. They need it to feel alive. They need it to feel like they exist. Which is why they need an enabler. They need someone who will make it possible for this behaviour to continue.
They need someone who is not going to fight against it. They need someone who is ok with it. Someone who doesn't mind. Someone who can tolerate it. Someone who won't put up a fight. Someone who is going to let them do what they're going to do. Without any questions. Without needing an explanation. They need someone who is weak and foolish. They need someone to be their doormat. They need someone who they can walk all over. And if you're not going to do that, then they will get rid of you. Because they know there's another fool just around the corner.
4. They know you don't really want them One reason why the narcissist doesn't want you... Is often because they know you don't really want them.
You may think that you want them. But you just want the false self. You want who they pretend to be. But they know they're not really about that. They're just putting on an act for you. And they know that eventually you're going to see the man behind the curtain. They know that in time you're going to see who they really are. Which is why they will see you as something temporary. They will see you as a means to an end. And once you pull the rug out from under them, they know it's all over after that. Because you're no longer susceptible to their manipulation.
You're no longer validating their false self. When they want someone who will believe in their lies and illusions. They want someone who will see them as perfect and flawless. They don't want to be around anyone who sees them as they actually are. Even if you still love and accept them. It doesn't make a difference. Because you're still reflecting back to them everything that they don't want to be. Everything that they actually are. But they need to be that way to survive.
They had to use and abuse people to make it this far in life. Because they lack the qualities and abilities to make it on their own. But they want you to see them as being self-sufficient. Even while you're doing everything for them. And if you can't do that, then it's on to the next.
5. They know their place The narcissist doesn't want you. Because they know their place. They know where they belong. They're opportunists.
So they will take advantage of opportunities as and when they arrive. But they won't think about the effects that it has on you. Because they know they don't belong with you. They know where they belong. Narcissists are low-value people. They lurk around high-value people, but it's only so they can get something out of them. And then they run back to their hole in the wall, like a mouse with a piece of cheese. Because they know that they don't belong with you.
They only come around you to use you. Because they know they're not going to be able to sustain a future with you. They know that anything they get involved in is eventually going to fall apart. So they see it as a means to an end. It's just a process they use to accomplish their own goals. Although the activity of being with you is not enjoyable or considered important. But they consider it to be necessary so that they can accomplish their real goals. Which is just to sustain themselves for a short period of time. Or to get them to their next destination.
Because you're just a pit stop on their endless path of destruction. You're just something they use to refuel themselves. You're not anything significant to the narcissist. No one is. People are just pawns on a chess board to a narcissist. You're just something that gets them to where they need to be. Like a form of transportation. Because they already know they don't deserve you. They already know they're not going to be good enough for you. They already know they're not meant to be loved.
Which is why they don't even try to make it last. They don't invest anything into you. Because they know it's not going to amount to anything, if they're a part of it. They know it's not going to go anywhere. So they use you up. They run you into the ground. And then they find someone else and do the same thing all over again. Because that's the only way they know how to survive. That's the only way that they can survive. Because they have nothing to give.
They have nothing to bring to a relationship. They've spent their entire lives depending on other people to save them. So they can't take care of you. They don't even know how to take care of themselves. So by default, the relationship will always be about them. And if you're not willing to make it about them, then you're of no use to them. They won't want you. They won't want anything to do with you. Because you're just a tool. An appliance.
And you either work the way they want you to work, or you don't work at all. And if you don't work how they like and how they see fit, then they will discard you like a faulty appliance. They will toss you aside. And they won't consider the effects that they might have on you. They won't consider your feelings. Because none of that matters to a narcissist. The only thing that matters to them is what they're going to get. And if they're not going to get what they want to get, then it's good riddance. They're glad you're gone.