You noticed something was different about the narcissist. They were acting unusual around you. They were very protective over their phone. They put a password on it. They weren't talking to you as much. And when they did talk to you, they were criticising you. There was always an argument. There was always something wrong. They were always irritated by you. Because they were distracted by their new supply. Someone else had their attention. But by the time you find about it, it will seem like they already know each other. Because they've already been talking for some time. So they've already positioned this new source of supply. And they've usually done it by using money or sex. But if you question them on it, they won't tell you.
They will try to keep it hidden from you for as long as they can. Because it takes time for them to fully secure their new supply. And to put them in position to replace you. They have to test them. They have to triangulate them with you. By talking badly about you. And then seeing how their new supply will react to it. Seeing if their new supply will turn against you. But they won't tell you about it. Because they still need you. They don't want to lose the benefits and conveniences that you are providing to them. And there's a chance that things won't work out with their new supply. So they're not going to reveal it to you initially. They're going to hide it from you for as long as they can. Because they need to have a backup plan. And that's what you become to them.
You just don't know about it. But you become their backup plan. And they have to engage with their new supply under the radar. Until they are ready to advance them to the primary position. So they will keep it hidden. But if you pay close attention, you will notice signs. There will be indicators that something has changed. They will talk to you differently. They will devalue you. Because they're seeking new supply. But they're not going to tell you about it, unless they know that they're going to get away with it. Unless they know that you're going to put up with it. But if they don't want to reveal it to you and you catch on to it... They will say it's just a friend. Or it's just someone they work with. And they will try to get you believe that it's someone of the same sex.
They might tell you it's a woman. When really it's a man. They will gaslight you. They will lie to your face. And you might not suspect that they are lying to you. But they're not going to tell you the truth. Because they're trying to move forward with their new supply. So they keep you in the dark. They keep you uninformed. So that you keep doing what they want you to do. You keep giving them money. You keep taking care of them. You keep providing them with the security and stability that they need. Because they want to leave in a condition where they don't suffer any loss or injury. Where there's no consequences for their actions. Where it's under conditions that they decide, because they're in a position of power. If they told you about it, it would give you the advantage. It would mess up their plans.
The narcissist won't talk about their new supply. Because they like to have two good things at the same time. Things that are not usually possible to have together. So they won't tell you about it. Because they're very greedy. They like to have multiple sources of supply. And cheating on you gives them a thrill. It makes them feel powerful and important. It feeds their ego. It tells them that they're amazing. And they like to keep you as a toy on the shelf. Because then they can always come back to you. When they get bored of their new supply. They're addicted to people. But they get bored very easily. They need constant entertainment. They need new people. So sometimes they will start an argument. Or they will make up an excuse for them to leave. And then they'll go and entertain one of their other sources.
People who have always been around. People who you were unaware of. They've been cheating on you the entire time. They've been cheating on you since day one. They were never exclusive to you. They were never yours. They were still talking to their ex even while they were with you. They never wanted a relationship. They never wanted commitment. It's boring to them. It makes them feel trapped. When the narcissist starts devaluing you, they're already entertaining someone else. Because they need to have someone who they admire. They need to have someone who they think is good. And someone who they think is bad. They've been thinking about getting rid of you for a long time. They just didn't tell you.They did it behind your back. They kept it a secret. They created a character around whatever they thought you wanted to see.
Whatever they thought you valued and believed in. But they knew they weren't about any of that. They just played the role with you. They put on an act to catch you off guard. To confuse you. So that they could shock you by doing something you don't expect. Because they acted like it was something that they were against. But that's what they went and did. They said it was just a friend. But when they said that, they were already planning to discard you. And sometimes they slip up. Sometimes you catch things. And you start to question them. You start to wonder what's going on. You find out that they're cheating on you. You don't even need to ask them what they're doing. They will show you who they are. All you need to do is pay attention. Because after everything you've dealt with from them, it becomes normal. You get used to this type of behaviour. It doesn't shock you as much as it did before. So you overlook it.
Even when it's right in front of you. But they won't tell you about it, unless they think they don't need you anymore. And even then, they won't want you to be in contact with their new supply. It would ruin their plans. So they won't let you have too much information about them. Because that could potentially expose them. The new supply would realise that the narcissist did the same thing to you. And then everything would make sense. But usually the new supply is highly susceptible to the narcissist's manipulation. They're under their spell. So it wouldn't make much difference. They would defend the narcissist. So there's no point trying to help the new supply. They have to figure things out on their own. You just have to avoid the narcissist's hoover attempts. Don't worry about what they're doing. It will fall apart eventually, just as it did with you. And then they will be back to square one.
Christopher, how is it that you never give up? I don't mean about relationships. I mean about you continuing to push forward and change. I started out so young with a narcissist at 15 years old that I didn't realize how it affected me. I didn't realize how much I would put up with and I didn't realize how much I would mould myself to be whatever he needed me to be. I dislike change so much. That is a good thing for a narcissist. I don't even like that you're not where you were 24 hours ago. 😉 I think it's a matter of feeling safe. I think you're blessed that you're a big strong man and you're stubborn. I…