When Narcissists Lose Their Scapegoat


The scapegoat gets the worst of the narcissist's abuse. And the narcissist will also recruit other members of the family to abuse you even more. Until you eventually become the emotional punching bag for everyone in your family. They will mock and humiliate you. They will show a lot of anger towards you. And they may even physically abuse you. You become a place where they store their shame. Because your mere existence brings out shame in them. Which causes them to abuse you even more. The rest of the family joins in on the abuse, to win over the narcissist, to survive or to get their own power. And many people who join in on the abuse are also narcissistic. As the scapegoat of your narcissistic family, you were blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes and faults of others. Because although it was improper and immoral, it was convenient. You were an easy target for your narcissistic family. It was easy for them to take advantage of you. Because you were very naive. You showed a lack of experience, wisdom and judgement. And you were too trusting. You believed that they were honest and sincere. So you became their whipping boy. You were blamed and punished for the faults or incompetence of others. You were made to bear the blame for another's mistake.



Which may have left you with a lot of anxiety. It may have caused you to develop issues with self-esteem. It may have caused you to experience depression. It may have caused you to engage in substance abuse. Or other forms of unrestrained and improper actions. Which was caused by suppressed and denied feelings and emotions resulting from the abuse. Because they used you to regulate their emotions. Because they're incapable of regulating their own anger, disappointment and frustration. Or not being able to get what they want. Which is why they need an easy target to vent their frustration. And as the scapegoat, you were that easy target. Because your mere presence calls up shame in the narcissist. Because deep down they know that what they're doing is not ok. But they keep doing it, even while they know that it makes them a horrible person. But they cannot withstand the idea of them being a horrible person. So then they abuse you even more. After a lifetime of being abused and being blamed for everything that went wrong. At some point you decide that you've had enough and you decide to walk away. And when you do that, you begin to acquire insight into your own character. You begin to learn more about yourself. You begin to heal. And you begin to live your best life. Because it's a life free from abuse. When you leave your narcissistic family, you may decide to set boundaries. You may become more assertive. And you may desire respect. But when you do that, you leave your abusive family behind. They lose their emotional punching bag. Which leaves a void in the family. It interrupts their settled condition. Because now you're no longer around them. They're left in complete disorder. They're left in confusion. Your absence has disrupted their systematic funtioning and arrangement. And now there's nowhere for them to dump their garbage. But they're not going to try to deal with the destruction. They will just lay in their own filth, until they find a new way to regulate. And they will continue to attack you, while they're still able to call or email you. Which is why you have to go no contact. You have to cut off all contact with your narcissistic family. Because they will only use that contact to abuse you. They will only use that contact to regulate themselves. But if you continue to stay out of reach from the narcissist. At some point they will have to find a new person to abuse. They will have to find a new scapegoat. And sometimes, even the very person who enabled the abuse, eventually becomes the new scapegoat. The very person who supported the narcissist. Because now you're no longer around your narcissistic family. But while you were there, you kept it together.



You made your narcissistic family seem more functional. The reason why the narcissist still had people supporting them is because you were their scapegoat. They were able to blame and punish you for everything that went wrong. And the narcissist reserved the abuse for you and spared the rest of the family. But when you finally leave, the narcissist has to abuse someone. And that is when more and more people will see just how bad the narcissist's behaviour is. They may even try to pull you back in, so that they can be spared of the abuse. But when you leave your narcissistic family, they won't often attack you directly. Instead, they will start a smear campaign against you. They will triangulate you with other people. They will criticise you publicly. They may even make stuff up. Because it helps the narcissist to regulate. And then they can continue to use you as their emotional punching bag, even if you're no longer around them.

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