What Makes Narcissists REVALUE You After Discarding You?

Sometimes, a narcissist will revalue you—they will change how they perceive your worth and consider you again. They may even put you back on a pedestal. However, this is not because they love you or miss you. To understand why this happens, it’s important to reflect on why they discarded you in the first place.

Narcissists initially idealise you because you represent a challenge. You are high-status, hard to get, and unlike them. They are selfish, inauthentic, and deceitful, while you are the opposite. Winning you over requires effort, which they see as a test of their skills. This pursuit gives them a thrill because they must stay two steps ahead to manipulate you.

However, once they know they’ve secured you, the game is over. The moment you show interest or affection, you lose value in their eyes. Even if you simply enjoy being around them, they stop idealising you. They know they’ve fooled you, and they understand there’s no future in something that began as a game. Deep down, they know they’re not worthy of you, which is why they had to deceive you in the first place.

As Groucho Marx once said, *“I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”* Narcissists think similarly. If you accept them, they assume there must be something wrong with you. In their minds, if you were truly valuable, why would you choose them?

If you pull away and focus on something more interesting than them, they may begin to revalue you—especially if you become mysterious. Narcissists are drawn to the chase. The moment you show them you care or express any emotion, they devalue you again. They believe that anyone who cares about them must be flawed. This is why they often seek out people who are indifferent to them or who don’t want anything from them. It’s where they feel most comfortable.

Narcissists don’t feel they deserve someone who genuinely cares about them. They’re not interested in meaningful connections. While they may seem selfish and focused on personal gain, they lose interest in what they’ve achieved as soon as they obtain it. They thrive on the pursuit, not the possession.

Initially, they may have wanted no one but you. But once they had you, they wanted anyone but you. Narcissists don’t find fulfilment in acquiring things. They are predators, more interested in the thrill of chasing, stalking, and tracking. Once they’ve caught what they were pursuing, they lose interest and move on to the next shiny object.

Narcissists often oscillate between love-bombing and devaluation, creating an emotional rollercoaster. They toy with you like a yo-yo because they don’t find satisfaction in having anything. They know they don’t deserve what they’ve obtained, which only brings them shame. This is why they eventually turn against you and discredit you.

After some time, they may revalue you again. But this isn’t because they miss you or feel remorse. It’s because they see you as useful. They recognise that you have something they want—whether it’s your energy, your characteristics, or your resources. They don’t appreciate these qualities in you; they simply want to take them for themselves.

Narcissists often stalk you on social media or spy on you in person, waiting for you to recover and rebuild your life. Once you’re feeling good again, they’re ready to pounce. They want to use you to elevate themselves, taking your wealth, resources, and energy to gain power and control. Your attention makes them feel good, even though they’ll never admit it. It validates them and makes them feel important.

You might think that setting strong boundaries and acting cold and distant will make them leave you alone. But this often has the opposite effect. Narcissists see resistance as a challenge, which only makes them more persistent. They thrive on overcoming obstacles and breaking people down.

Narcissists enjoy causing destruction. They take pleasure in turning someone who was once happy and optimistic into a nervous wreck. This behaviour stems from their own childhood trauma. They want to watch you go through the same pain they experienced, but from the other side. Being the cause of your downfall makes them feel powerful.

After some time, they may return to teach you a “lesson.” They want to undermine your confidence and make you believe there’s no hope for recovery. In their minds, you’re nothing. Everything you have—your success, your happiness—is just a façade. They feel justified in stripping you of everything to reveal what they believe is your true self.

Narcissists revalue you not out of love or regret, but because they see you as a source of validation, energy, or resources. Understanding this behaviour can help you protect yourself from their manipulative tactics. Remember, their actions are a reflection of their own insecurities and inner turmoil—not your worth.

If you found this information helpful, please give it a like below. Your support helps our community grow. Thank you!