Hey survivors & thrivers In this video I am going to be discussing what makes narcissists so difficult to deal with. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. If you are interested in one on one coaching, you can email me at email@example.com We have a private Reddit community where survivors and thrivers can share their experiences and knowledge on narcissistic abuse. If you are interested in being a part of this community, you can sign up through our Patreon page, the link is in the video description. If you would like to purchase Narc Survivor merchandise, you can get your own Narc Survivor t-shirt or mug from our store, the link to our Teespring page is in the video description.
What Makes Narcissists So Difficult To Deal With? When you are around narcissists, you will notice that they have a really obsessive need to dictate and control your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviours. They don't need much input from you, because it's not really about you, it's about them and how they see you. Their minds are made up, they believe that they already know everything they need to know to make their conclusion. So anything that you say to them will not be taken into consideration. They have a sense of dominance and superiority over you, but this is really just to compensate for how worthless and insignificant they feel deep down. If they discovered that maybe they were wrong about you. They would not accept that they made a mistake and then apologise or try to make things right. That's not going to happen. A narcissist cannot accept defeat, remember it's a game to them. They cannot accept responsibility or accountability for their actions. So rather than accepting that they got it wrong or they made a mistake, they will work overtime to change your way of thinking, feeling, acting and behaving until you do become the very person they always said you were. Then they will point the finger at you and claim that you were that person all along. Ignoring the fact that due to their obsessive need to dominate and control, they have moulded you into the very person that they always wanted you to be, to suit them or to make them feel more comfortable. It's a crazy, illogical way of dealing with a situation, I know, but if you have dealt with a narcissist I'm sure you will have experienced this. Where rather than accepting that they were wrong about you or they made a mistake, they will push and provoke you until you do become the very person they always said you were. They have to do this, it's the only way that they can feel satisfied. It's too painful for them to accept that they made a fault or mistake, because then that would open the floodgates to all of the other faults and mistakes they've made which they always denied. So just be aware that they would rather make their false accusations a reality, rather than to accept that they made a fault or mistake. This is why narcissists are so difficult to deal with and so dangerous to be around. They always have an obsessive need to control your thoughts and feelings. They want to know what you are thinking about. They want to know if you are thinking about them, or if you're not thinking about them, so they can do some ridiculous attention seeking behaviour, to force you to think about them. Everything is forced with narcissists. On one hand they see you as an object, but on the other hand they understand that you are a human being. It's a constant fight to try and control this living, breathing person who on one hand they see as an object, but then you're like moving around freely on your own and they don't like it. That's what creates their obsessive need to control you, because you could go off and do something which then interacts with their thoughts and feelings... because however you feel reflects on how they feel. When you are happy they are sad and when you are sad they are happy. It's an endless game for them, like cat and mouse... where they are constantly trying to keep you within the lines of this world which they have created for you. They believe that they own you. You are their property. Your body, mind and soul belongs to them... it's just somehow you got control of it, but that was a mistake, you were not supposed to possess this body, mind or soul. In their minds, you are meant to serve them. You are supposed to think, feel, act and behave in the way that they would like. And they don't have to reciprocate any of this back to you, narcissists don't think that way. They are self absorbed and lack empathy. They have a sense of entitlement and arrogance. You exist to serve them. In their minds, they feel entitled to take control of your body, mind and soul. It does frustrate them that you are in control of it. They see it as a constant fight, where they are trying to pull the reigns in the direction that they would like, but then you keep pulling back. They see it as a constant push, pull like the reins of a horse. Reins on a horse are used to guide the horse in a certain direction. That's exactly what narcissists are doing with you, by using emotional abuse or manipulation tactics. The abuse or manipulation is basically the reins which they are then using to pull you in a certain direction. They understand that you're in control of your body, mind and soul... but their sense of entitlement and arrogance makes them feel that they should be in control of that. So they will deal with you constantly fighting them and trying to pull the reigns out of their hands, so you can move in the direction that you prefer. They will deal with it and continue trying to control and manoeuvre you in the way that they would like. They are constantly pulling you away from your true self. You cannot be yourself around narcissists. You have to think, feel, act and behave in a way that suits them or makes them feel comfortable. You cannot have your own separate thoughts, feelings, actions or behaviours around these people. They have an obsessive need to dominate and control you. When you are feeling happy, it reflects on how miserable they feel. They get envious and jealous and then it makes them want to destroy your happiness. So they will do something to sabotage whatever it is that is making you happy. From that point on they will then try to regulate this source of happiness. It could be anything... a hobby or interest, a friend, or relationship partner if the narcissist isn't your partner. Whatever it is that provides you with happiness will have to be regulated in some way. They couldn't do it or they couldn't get the same fulfilment from it, so you shouldn't either. Narcissists cannot even allow you to be at an equal level of misery as them, you have to feel worse than they do. If you feel worse than they do, it gives them an illusion of happiness. As once they have regulated your sources of happiness, they will then look happy compared to you. So you cannot freely think or feel how you want to think or feel. You cannot act or behave how you would like to act or behave. This then prevents you from having your own beliefs, values and principles. All of this has to be dominated by the narcissist for them to control you. You have to adopt their way of how they want you to think, feel, act and behave. Their beliefs, values and principles which they are trying to assign to you. They don't want you to have a mind of your own. You cannot have your own likes or preferences which don't match up with what they want for you. Your own hobbies or interests. You cannot have your own friends, other than the narcissist's flying monkeys. You cannot have a relationship partner, as if the narcissist is your parent they will sabotage this. You cannot be yourself around these people. They will change everything about you, until you are nothing but a shell of who you used to be and then they will blame you for that too. This is why many people after these relationships feel like they don't even know who they are any more. Because their natural thought process, their original way of thinking, acting and behaving has been adjusted to accomodate the needs of the narcissist. The problem is, while you were forced to adjust your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviours. Beliefs, values and principles. Your likes, preferences, hobbies and interests. You stopped being you. You stopped honouring your way of thinking, feeling, acting and behaving. Your original beliefs, values and principles. Your original likes, preferences, hobbies and interests. And I'm not saying this is your fault. Due to the narcissist's obsessive need for dominance and control, it was either that or you faced their narcissistic rage. Further mental, emotional or physical abuse. You were trained over a long period of time, to give up your true nature. The basic or inherent features, character or qualities of who you are. And while the narcissist may be responsible for this change, they are not going to accept responsibility. As far as they are concerned, it's your body, mind and soul. They tried the best they could to pull the reigns in the direction that they preferred, but you kept pulling the other way. Of course they are not going to accept that you were pulling away from something which went against your true nature. Over and over again you were told that you are not good enough or you can't do anything right. You were given negative affirmations daily for months or years, it's a form of brainwashing or mind control. Your mind was altered or controlled using psychological techniques. Your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviours were dictated to you. Your beliefs, values and principles were dictated to you. Your likes, preferences, hobbies and interests were dictated to you. The first step to changing all of this and remembering who you really are, is to accept that none of this is really you. When your mind has been altered or controlled using psychological techniques everyday for months or even years, there is no way that any of that belongs to you. It was fed to you by the narcissist as a way of dominating and controlling you, to suit their needs or to make them feel more comfortable. Any beliefs or interests that were unique to you would be criticised. The narcissist would indicate the faults of your beliefs or interests in a disapproving way. Everything about you had to be filtered through them, through the lens that they saw you. And even then, you were not given a choice, not even a limited choice. They will give you suggestions, but due to their obsessive need to dominate and control these suggestions will be forced on to you. To the point where you don't know any other way to think, feel, act or behave. You don't know any other beliefs, values or principles. Other than what was drilled into your head day after day, for months or even years, by the narcissist. So they plant this way of being into your subconscious mind and then blame you for the very thing that they have created. The narcissist doesn't want you to make your own choices. They don't want you to decide who you want to be or what you want. In their minds they are thinking, "Why do you need to decide who you want to be? I know who you want to be, just ask me and I'll tell you the answer. Why do you need to think about what you want, I've got all the ideas of what you want and who you want to be. Just follow me and I'll give you the answers". This could come across as though they are trying to help or assist you in some way. But it's actually based on their obsessive need to dominate and control. It leads you away from being who you really are, as you enter their brainwashing program into becoming who they want you to be. They don't want you to be you, because they are pathologically envious and jealous. They know that you have more capabilities than they do. They are envious of your qualities, talents and traits. They wish that they could possess them, but since they can't, they will try to destroy them instead. They are driven by their pathological envy and jealousy to destroy you and prevent you from being who you really are or who you are meant to be. How do you deal with the effects from engaging with these types of people? First you need to stop interacting, stop engaging with them. Start asking yourself, who am I? Begin to reflect on yourself and get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings. This will then lead to actions and behaviours that are true to you. Your own likes, preferences, hobbies and interests. Friends and relationship partners that resonate with what you're really about. You may not resonate with narcissists, but that's a good thing. If you were resonating with people who abuse, manipulate, stalk and harass... That would not be good. So be happy and proud that you do not resonate with them. There is a very powerful quote by Alexander Graham Bell - "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." So let that door close and let this new door open for you. People who do resonate with you. People who have your best interest in mind. People who will accept who you are, who you choose to be and not try to change you. People like the survivors and thrivers in our community. The narcissists may have been difficult to deal with and you may have seen that as though something was wrong or not right. I like to see it as a sign from the Universe or God. When something is so difficult and it's just completely draining your energy, draining the life out of you. They show us everything we don't want or don't like, so that we can realise what we do want or what we do like. It's difficult with them. But for us it's easy. It's easy for us to understand and resonate with each other, because we are people of like kind, we are on the same frequency. We are real, honest and genuine. And I am so thankful to have all of you here with me. I love you all and I wish you the best for your healing. Thank you for watching. Please like the video. Share your thoughts in the comments. Share the video with anyone who you believe it may help. Click the subscribe button if you haven't subscribed yet and click the bell icon so you can receive the notifications for my future videos. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching enquiries, you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org If you would like to share your experiences and knowledge outside of the premieres and live chats, we do have a private Reddit community. You can sign up through our Patreon page, the link is in the video description. We also have a Narc Survivor merchandise store. You can purchase a Narc Survivor t-shirt or mug to support the channel, the link to our Teespring page is in the video description. That's all for this video, thank you for watching. I hope the video resonated with you. Talk to you soon.