Hey survivors & thrivers. Welcome to the video. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon so you can receive all of the notifications for my future videos. Please donate to support the channel. If you interested in one on one coaching with me, Narc Survivor, please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org In this video I am going to be answering a question I'm sure a lot of you have after moving on from the narcissist.
What Happens To The Narcissist Once You've Moved On? Once you have moved on from the narcissist, you shouldn't really be interested in what they are doing with their lives now. But I understand that people want closure and that is probably why you have chosen to watch this video. As you are approaching the discard phase... The narcissist will do whatever they can to hurt you at this point. They will do whatever they think will impact you the most. It's all about getting that last bit of narcissistic supply before they leave and feeling as though they have won. They will also want to leave you in a state where you are not going to be good enough for anyone or anything after they are gone. This is when you start to see the real person behind the mask and they will say and do the most bizarre, messed up stuff you could ever imagine. They have to feel as though you are broken and you can't find happiness without them. They also want you to remember them after they are gone, so they will do whatever they think you will never forget. Following the discard phase, where the narcissist has discarded you or you have discarded them... Nothing really changes with them. They typically fall back into their old patterns of behaviour. Following the discard phase, they go through stages. The first stage is denial. This is where they deny that you ever meant anything to them, they deny that you ever did anything for them. Even if you were together for years, in this stage, they will just deny that it ever meant anything. After the denial stage, it depends on how great of a supply you were to the narcissist. A good source of supply is someone who can give them attention, validation, approval and admiration as needed. The narcissist needs to feel superior, important and special around you. They must feel as though you are inferior to them and do not outshine them. They also need to be feared. They need someone who can make them believe as if they know it all. They need to be able to judge and control you. They need to feel as though they can rescue you, as though you are nothing without them. They need someone to manipulate and exploit or take advantage of. You have to allow them to make your life difficult by them not cooperating with you. In some relationships, especially if you do outshine them, they will live through you in an attempt to boost their low self esteem. The narcissist likes to bask in your reflected glory as they exploit and take advantage of you. If you did all or at least most of these things, then you were an excellent source of supply for the narcissist. They will be affected by losing you. If they think that you still believe in them and there is still a chance that you could validate their false selves and their illusions... They will hoover you, they will try to love bomb you all over again. They might tell you that they are sorry and they realise what they have done wrong. But over time you will soon see them return to their immature, dysfunctional behaviour. But if they know that you see through them and you see what they are really about, that is going to affect how great of a supply you are to them. You have to believe what they are saying, you have to believe what they are showing you. If you cannot do this they will continue to devalue and degrade you as a person. They will triangulate you with the new source, they might even post pictures on social media knowing that you will be looking on there for closure. You can expect emotionally abusive phone calls or text messages. At this point, they basically just want to destroy you. Because you didn't validate their false selves, you didn't believe in their lies. The last thing they want is for you to move on and start believing in someone else. They are pathologically jealous. They want you to be so broken down that you can never find someone else ever again. Whether they come back or not depends on you. Whether you continue to reinforce your boundaries. They will test them and try to get back in, but if you continue to distant yourself from them, there's not much they can do. They will then realise that you are no longer believing in their false selves, their lies and illusions. You don't feel the same way about them any more. Now the narcissist begins to feel rejected, as though you have discarded them. This will cause a narcissistic injury. Once they have received this narcissistic injury, they struggle to control their emotions. This is when they will begin to act out and do something so reckless that it just completely sabotages what they are trying to achieve. This is also an act of revenge for giving them this narcissistic injury. And although they are still trying to hoover you, they cannot control their emotions and end up messing up their own plan to secure you. Once they know that you are not coming back, or you are not going to validate their false selves, lies or illusions. Now they will invalidate you They will devalue and degrade everything about you. They will target you physically, your job, the people you associate with. Anything and everything about you, anything that you are doing... they have to devalue and degrade all of this. You don't believe in them, you don't validate their false selves. You realise that they are not real, not authentic and the best you will ever get from them is an illusion. This makes them feel inferior to you. They already have low self worth and low self esteem. But now they just feel completely worthless and insignificant. So to regulate their sense of worth and significance in the world, they have to devalue and degrade anything and everything about you. When they have reidealised a source and believed them to be exactly what they are looking for. Once they realise that you want nothing to do with them, they cannot continue to see you in this way. If you don't validate or believe in them, you're nothing anyway. That's how the narcissist sees it. Deep down they know that they have messed up or made a mistake. But they also know that it's too late to change that now. So the only thing they can do now is to go back to their alternate reality or world where they completely detach from you. They invalidate your character and personality. They devalue and degrade anything and everything about you. This is the only way that they can feel good about what happened. Once this feeling from devaluing and degrading you no longer satisfies them, they return to the feeling of worthlessness and insignificance. This is where they go into a reckless stage where they become attention whores, flirting with anyone, doing anything they can to get attention from people. They might change their physical appearence to make themselves look more appealing. You might see them dressing in a way that is completely out of character for them. At this point they are doing anything they can to seek attention from other people. Because you are no longer validating their false selves, their lies and illusions. They need constant attention, validation, approval and admiration. So whatever they think other people want to see, they will start acting or dressing in that way to make themselves seem more appealing. You might be wondering how the narcissist could move on so quickly and start making such drastic changes to their character, personality and appearence. You have to understand that narcissists have very low self worth and self esteem. They cannot build this on their own from within themselves. They need to be externally attended to, approved of, validated and admired constantly. They are extremely insecure. They do not validate themselves or trust their own judgement. They may have told you that they are so happy and they are meeting new people or whatever. But this has nothing to do with them trying to find happiness. They have to create ulterior stories to distract themselves from the reality of what is really going on. This is why they need to seek excessive attention from other people. You might see them being extra friendly to other people to regulate their self worth and self esteem. Once they have lost you as a source of supply, they have to do all of this. They no longer have anyone to validate them or regulate their self worth and self esteem. When the narcissist has no source of supply, this is when you will see just how out of control they really are. They find ways to deal with this such as indulgence, addictions and coping strategies. They might start drinking alcohol or doing drugs. Going from person to person just trying to find someone to regulate their self worth and self esteem. They act as though they are so tough or strong. But if you pay attention to their behaviours, you will realise that these are all coping mechanisms or defence mechanisms to regulate their true feelings of worthlessness and insignificance. If the narcissist was really the confident person with high self worth and self esteem as they portray themselves to be, they wouldn't have to do all of these manipulative tactics. They wouldn't to constantly seek attention, validation, approval and admiration from other people. They wouldn't have an obsessive need to control their environment. These behaviours all come from a place of inferiority or weakness. All of these tactics are just an attempt of them masking how weak they really are. If they were really the strong, confident people they portray themselves to be, they wouldn't want to destroy their relationship with you. No healthy, mature person with good reasoning would ever want to destroy their own relationship. So once they realise that you are no longer going to view them in the way which they desire. You are no longer going to validate their false selves, their lies and illusions. Everything you see from that point on are basically coping mechanisms to deal with their loss. Even in normal relationships it is very difficult for a person to find someone who is compatible with them. For a narcissist to obtain an ideal source of supply, it is far more difficult. Remember the narcissist has all of these specific needs which they expect to be fulfilled by the new source. They need a source that can give them excessive attention, validation, approval and admiration as needed. A sense of feel superiority and importance. They need to be feared. They have to feel as if they know it all. They need to be able to judge and control the new source. Rescue them so they can feel as though you they are nothing without them. Someone to manipulate and exploit. Someone who gives them everything they need with requiring any form of cooperation. It is very difficult for a narcissist to find a source who can do all of this for them. So if you did all or most of these things for the narcissist and you have moved on, it is going to be a huge loss for them. They don't realise it at first because of their magical thinking, fantasies and illusions... and their exaggerated sense of importance or worth. But the truth is they may never find someone like you again. Which is why even when they do move on, they will look for you in someone else. They will try to turn the new source into another version of you. But it's never the same. Many of them even end up in relationships with other narcissists or borderlines and then they get a taste of their own medicine. They become reckless and turn to addictions, doing anything they can to feel alive, until they finally find a new target. They repeat the same process over and over again. They never change. They never accept responsibility or accountability for anything that they have done. Which means that they can never learn from their mistakes, they can never grow. And this results in them being stuck in this endless cycle of repetitive behaviours which leaves them to remain in this emotionally immature state. They never adapt or the correct the very behaviours that put them in these types of situations. So it is inevitable that these situations can only continue. They can never change, grow or develop. They continue to live in denial, lying to themselves and everyone else. Only associating with people who will believe in their false selves, lies and illusions. But you can change. You can self reflect, look within yourself and understand what lead you to being in a relationship with a narcissist. You can heal your childhood traumas, become self love abundant and then attract someone who is emotionally healthy. You can experience real love, joy and happiness. You will never experience this with the narcissist, but you can experience this with someone else. A person who is loyal, honest and trustworthy. A person who still values morality. You can move on and find a person like this. Please check out my playlist of videos on Healing From Narcissistic Abuse where I give specific steps on how you can do this. You will never experience love, joy or happiness with the narcissist... And they will never experience that with anyone else. But you can move on and experience it with someone else. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you and helped you to understand what happens to the narcissist once you've moved on.
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