When The Narcissist Shows You WHO THEY REALLY ARE

When you first meet the narcissist, it feels like everything you've been waiting for and everything you've ever wanted. They present themselves as your soulmate, as the person who is going to make everything better for you. In the beginning, they are kind, helpful, friendly, and agreeable. They are always there for you, making love together every day, helping with things around the house, and even taking care of your cat or dog. It's like throughout your entire life, you never met anyone who really understood you. But then you met the narcissist, and it's like someone finally gets it. They know you, they care about you, and they want to help you, or at least that's how it seems.

However, it doesn't last for long. It's only a matter of time until they begin to reveal their true identity and nature, which tends to be the exact opposite of what they displayed to you in the beginning. You may never have seen it coming or imagined that they could be this way because they were on their best behaviour in the beginning. They were minding their p's and q's, going above and beyond to please you. But that was just so they could position themselves in your life. They studied you, so they know exactly what you like and how they have to be to get you to want to keep them around.

But once they've planted themselves in your life, they start getting a little too comfortable with you. That is when they know it's time for their mask to come off, typically once they've moved in with you, maybe bought a house together, or gotten married and had children. Then they feel like they've got you because you're trapped and not going anywhere. They may even do things to test you, like deliberately lying or cheating, just to see how you react. Once they feel comfortable, that's when they take their mask off, and you start to see how toxic and dysfunctional they really are. This may shock and confuse you because, up until that point, you may never have imagined they were like that. They were so calm, quiet, and pleasant in the beginning. Then, all of a sudden, they start nitpicking and fault-finding, which turns into yelling and screaming. You're left scratching your head, wondering how it got to this point because you don't remember them being that way in the beginning. In fact, they just hid that from you because they knew you wouldn't accept the real them. They had to wait until they felt comfortable around you after they already got their foot in the door.

Once they've gained access to your life, living in your home, and meeting your family and friends, it's very difficult to get them out, especially if you've gotten married and had children together. Then they really know you're not going anywhere, so they feel like they can treat you however they like. At a certain point in the relationship, they develop a sense of freedom from suspicion or doubt, a confidence, trust, sureness, and belief that no matter what they do to you, you're not going to fight back or do anything about it. It's like easy pickings for them, like taking candy from a baby. By this point, they see you as powerless and helpless, so they feel like they can do whatever they want to you. That is when you will begin to see who they really are.

It's a sure test of character when you're around someone who is very kind and friendly, and maybe they were never taught to stand up for themselves. You know that you could completely destroy this person if you wanted to, and they wouldn't know what to do or how to respond. You could treat them however you like and get away with it. But as empaths, we would never do something like that. If anything, we would recognize that this person deserves more love and respect than anyone else. But this is exactly who we are to the narcissist. We are that person who didn't have boundaries, who didn't know how to stand up for themselves, and they took full advantage of us. They stripped us of everything we had, everything we were, and then left us for dead. This is something they will always do. They will rob you of all your worth and then leave you out in the cold, ignoring, neglecting, and forgetting you as if you never even existed.

This is what makes them so dangerous. It's why they should not be allowed around vulnerable people. Trust and believe that they will do anything to anyone if they believe they can get away with it. If they see an opportunity to make use of a situation, they will treat people unfairly to gain an advantage or benefit. This could be with anyone, including children or the elderly. They just can't be trusted around anyone because there's no telling what they might do. It's not that they don't have a moral compass; they do know the difference between right and wrong. It's just that they think it's okay for them to do it. They feel entitled to do whatever they want because it was done to them, or because life was unfair to them, or because they just don't like you because you said or did something they didn't like. So now, in their minds, that gives them the right to do whatever they like.

This makes them very dangerous because, unlike an empath, they lack affective empathy. This means they do not vicariously experience the thoughts and feelings of other people. They don't feel your pain or distress; they don't even care. There's nothing stopping them from doing whatever they want once they feel comfortable and believe they can get away with it. While it may affect you, it doesn't affect them because they lack effective empathy. They don't feel what you feel, so they can do things to you and feel nothing. It won't consciously affect them. This is how it's so easy for them to go from love bombing to giving you nothing because there was never any real intimacy or connection. It was all fake. They were never connected to you. They have an inability to be vulnerable or to connect because that would require effective empathy. If they had that, then they would have felt your pain as if it was their own, but they didn't. That is how they're able to continue with their toxic behaviour, especially if you're forgiving them and they're able to get away with it. If there's nothing to keep them in check, they will just go and do whatever they like. There's nothing inside of them to stop them; they're completely out of control.

If they have the power to continue mistreating you, they will end up devaluing you because, in their minds, if they're able to do these things to you, that must mean you're not worth anything. Otherwise, they wouldn't be able to do it. That's how they think. So eventually, they will just see you as nothing and then discard you. But once you spend enough time away from them, they will begin to idealize you again because they haven't been able to mistreat you for some time. This increases your value again in their eyes because they already know that anything within their reach isn't going to be worth anything. It's only once you manage to get away that you can then become something, which is why they will often come back to hoover you.

When the narcissist gets comfortable with you, that is when you will see who they really are. When you see who they really are, you have to get rid of them because after that, it's only going to get worse.