Ok, so the narcissist will disappear, leaving you like you never even existed. It doesn't matter if you were together for months or years. They will just leave as though they never knew you, as though you never meant anything to them. You are likely remembering the earlier stages of the relationship. You likely shared many intimate moments, they said they wanted to marry you or have children with you.
Maybe they did marry you or have children with you and they made you believe as though they meant the world to them. But then, whether they married you, or had children with you or not one day they just completely disappeared as though you never existed, as though you never meant anything to them. How could they do this? If you ever meant anything to them, how could they just leave? The sad truth is you never really meant anything to them.
They saw you as an object or as an extension of themselves. They may have created the illusion that they loved you and you meant so much to them, but they never loved you. What meant so much to them was what they could get out of the situation. Everything you gave to them attention, validation, approval, a sense of power and control. You attended to their emotional needs, you gave them opportunities to get their rocks off.
Sadly this is the same even with children. Narcissists do not love children, they are extremely envious and jealous of them. Children of a narcissist could be fooled into thinking that they are loved or appreciated, but this is simply not the truth. All the narcissist cares about is what you can do for them. Can the child become a successful sports athlete or a businessman? Can the child clean the home or do something that benefits the narcissist in some way? That's how the narcissist views their children.
It's all about how can they use the child to obtain narcissistic supply or to make their lives easier. There is no love or appreciation in that situation. They do not love or appreciate the child, they only appreciate the narcissistic supply and what they can do for them. When they first met you, you were perfect. You were everything they could have ever wanted. Even what you perceived to be flaws or insecurities, it was all perfect to them.
If you made a mistake, they would take responsibility for that or it was someone else's fault. At this stage of the relationship, you cannot do anything wrong. You are meant to be everything that they have ever been waiting for. This is why they were so excited to meet you, this is why they were willing to be intimate so quickly. Because in their minds, you were everything they had been waiting for. Of course, as time goes by, time reveals the truth of the situation. The truth is you are not perfect, no one is perfect. We all have flaws or insecurities, we all make mistakes.
At some point the narcissist acknowledges your flaws or insecurities, your faults or mistakes. And at that point you go from being the most beautiful, likeable and understanding person which they placed on a pedestal to suddenly being completely flawed and all bad. Of course, in the real world, in reality this says nothing about you. But in the narcissist's warped, distorted mind that's exactly how they see it. A single flaw, a single mistake and suddenly you are nothing, you are all bad. You go from being perfect, all good to being all bad. It's black or white thinking.
At this point the narcissistic supply is losing its potency. You no longer make them feel as excited or stimulated as you once did. Again, this is no fault of your own. You could have the perfect looks, the perfect personality it wouldn't make a difference. In this sense, this is the greatest flaw of the narcissist. As no matter how great a person seems to them, at some point they will see them as being useless, nothing.
In reality, you could be everything they want, everything they need. But because of their dysfunctional thought process, they simply cannot see it. And this is the greatest tragedy of them. They spend their lives searching for a high grade source of supply. Someone who can meet their needs and give them what they want. Everything they have been looking for is right infront of their eyes and they can't even see it.
Can you imagine anything worse than that? If everything you ever wanted, everything you ever needed was right infront of your eyes, but because of your dysfunctional thinking or feelings you simply could not see anything of any value. Because that's exactly how it goes with them. From the devaluation phase onwards, that's exactly how they see you. Although you are literally everything they have ever wanted, everything they have ever needed in a relationship partner. They see you as having no value or purpose to them. Because of a flaw or a mistake.
It might not even have even been a real flaw or mistake, but they had to see you in this way at some point. They could not continue seeing you as all good, because then that would force them to reflect on all of their flaws, insecurities, faults and mistakes. They are forced to see you as all bad, it's either that or they see themselves as being all bad. So now you are all bad, you can't do anything right, everything you do is wrong. Everything is your fault, you are the source of all of their problems.
Not only can they not see that everything they have ever wanted, everything they have ever needed in a relationship partner is right infront of their eyes. But they cannot see their own flaws, insecurities, faults or mistakes. They believe that they are perfect, they have no flaws or insecurities. They do not make faults or mistakes, it has to be someone else's fault, most often your fault.
You are the source of all of their problems and that's why it's so easy for them to justify the abuse. So not only can they not see that you are everything they want, everything they need. But they can't even see everything that they have done wrong. So they can never correct the situation, they can never learn from it and they can never grow.
I've done a video called "The Narcissist Creates An Alternate Reality", and this is the mentality they have. In this alternate reality or world, they are perfect. Even if everything in their lives is a mess and everything is going wrong, it doesn't matter, it's not their problem, it's yours. They don't consider their control freakery and the fact that they have to have an obsessive amount of power and control over the situation at all times.
Regardless of that, it's still your problem, a problem which you created in their alternate reality or world. You are the source of everything that goes wrong in that world. This fake world which they have created in their minds does not allow them to see your true value. It doesn't not allow them to see their own flaws, insecurities, faults or mistakes. In their fake world they have to be seen as all good and you have to be seen as all bad.
So even if you are everything they want, everything they need it doesn't make a difference. Because the rules and interpretations of their world doesn't not allow them to see that. They have to go by the rules and interpretations of their world, their false narrative which is that you are no good, you are not attractive, you are not hard working.
Whatever it is, it doesn't matter... even if the opposite is true. Which it is, since there would be no motive for them to devalue a person if they had no value in the first place. But it doesn't make a difference. You could have the most perfect face and body. You could have all of the qualities and traits which they desire in a partner. But at some point, the rules and interpretations of their world have to step in and that is when they will move to the devaluation phase. Because the reality is, you are a beautiful person.
You do have many qualities and traits which they desire. And although this is everything they want, everything need... It also creates a problem, because the narcissist has to see themselves as being perfect. So if you look this good and have all of those qualities and traits which they desire, but do not have themselves. Now you are making them look bad, now they feel inferior to you especially in a relationship, they are very competitive.
And this is why everything they desire, want and need soon becomes everything they want to destroy. Because your looks and qualities are a threat to their false self and alternate reality or world. Your looks and qualities could expose them and all of the rules and distorted interpretations they have been forced to create to function within this alternate reality or world.
Because within the real world, certain things hurt them, they didn't feel as though they could measure up to other people who looked better or had better qualities. So they created this world with their own rules and interpretations, most of which go against social norms. But it works perfect for them because it makes them look good and anyone to threatens to be superior to them can be devalued as needed. All of this is going on in their minds.
This alternate reality or world, their false self and false attitudes and beliefs... it's all used to disguises themselves. To disguise who they really are, because in their minds they have to be seen as being perfect. So you may think that you were not good enough for them, not attractive or you didn't have an interesting personality. But in reality the opposite is true. You were too good, too attractive, too interesting.
This is why they were forced to devalue you, because all of this threatened to expose their imperfections. That's when they started using their little tactics like denial, projection and blame-shifting. These tactics are all used to disguise the truth. Everything they do, everything they say, everything they display to you is all used to disguise the truth. They hate the truth, because the truth will expose them for what they really are.
The narcissist is forced to disappear from your life. It's not that they are running from you, they are running from the truth. The truth of their imperfections. The truth of their flaws, insecurities, faults or mistakes. They don't want you to see that. They don't want you to reveal the truth of the situation, they are not the perfect people they wish they were. They are also bailing on their false character.
The false character which was built to live in this alternate reality or world which they created. This false character is perfect in their minds and everything you could ever want. It is designed for them to extract whatever form of narcissistic supply they need in that moment. Once you have exposed this false character, or once they get bored of it and it is no longer serving them they will bail on this false character.
Everything that is assigned to this false character has to go too, which includes you. You may think that they are bailing on you, but they are actually bailing on the false character. Maybe because you exposed their imperfections and they were running from the truth. Or they just got bored of it and it was no longer serving them. Remember narcissists get bored easily, this is why they are constantly going from relationship to relationship, job to job, house to house, car to car.
Nothing ever satisfies or fulfils them, because they are like a bucket with a leak. No matter how much you try to fill up the bucket, it never gets full. They keep trying different people, jobs, houses or cars to make them feel satisifed or fulfilled with their lives, but it never does it for them. They can't get the same fulfilment from those things, because it's meant to come from within. We are supposed to validate ourselves, rather than using people and things to validate us.
So don't feel sad that the narcissist has just disappeared like you never existed. Feel sad for them. Because you were literally everything they desired, everything they wanted, everything they needed but they couldn't even see it. It's like you were standing right infront of them, but the light blinded them so they couldn't see it. And this is probably the great flaw of the narcissist.
They could have everything they have ever desired, everything they ever wanted or needed. But what difference does it make, if they can't even see it? I can assure you though. You are also going to greatly desired, wanted and needed by someone else. Someone who will recognise your value and not just at the beginning of the relationship. They will appreciate, care and love for you.
But first, you must work on yourself. You must heal yourself from narcissistic abuse and heal your childhood traumas. Practice self-love and become self-love abundant. Then you will no longer be attracted to these types of people and instead you will be attracted to other people who are self-love abundant. You will then realise why it never worked with the narcissist.